What Happens When Two Shame-Based People Start a Relationship

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Tim explores how a codependent relationship involves two shame-based people trying to have a relationship and solve their shame at the same time.

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[thecatlikeprincess]

You're helping so many people. I'm from Zimbabwe and this information is unheard of here. Abusive behaviour is considered normal and is ingrained in our culture. Thank you so much for all you are doing to help people heal from complex trauma, God bless you and your work

[anitaodom]

My persona: Very well said and to the point.

Real me: Yep! Lifetime of pain and heartbreak!

[andriyandriychuk]

The problem with real self is C-PTSD survivors oftentimes are not aware/don't know who they really are.

[andriyandriychuk]

You are a gift to the healing community, Tim.

[johndoe]

This hits home. At times, my inner critic works overtime to make me feel bad and put me back in my place - below or beneath others. Thank you for articulating this. The diagram was very helpful in conceptualizing this as well.

[Melanie-mw]

True. I've worked on these things for years and got over a lot of it and dumped some people but even being aware of the self critic I still continuously am making lists of things I need to do because of I don't then I'm failing. It's small stuff right now like chores etc. but there's a constant slave driver making it difficult to enjoy any downtime fully.

[poelogan]

You have to become aware that failure is merely a part of the cycle that is success. And that it’s just that, a CYCLE. You will never escape failure but you can master it by learning to be ok with the cycle.

[youniverse-]

Concise and informative. Thank you Tim! 💙💛

[youtou]

The Critic is alive and well and actively trying to kill whatever my 'self' is. It will not stop until it succeeds. This hell is real!!

[jodisherland]

I'm gonna break this down real easy. If you learn to walk on your hands walking won't be real effective.
When we learn the wrong way to respond to instead of moving away from a hot flame we get burned. Being treated in a bad way gets us burned. If we remain with someone testing us badly we keep getting burned. We think that the good feelings we get from them outweigh the seriousness of the burn but we are wrong. We start feeling distressed not knowing why but it's because we are standing near a flame that our inner being knows is going to burn us again.
WHEN we change our response to move away and stay away from the flames our burn heals immediately. We begin to get confidence and self esteem and we don't feel rejected and alienated.
When we try to avoid rejection by holding on to someone that rejects us when they get angry we will always feel rejected. If we have zero tolerance for mistreatment even if it means living in a tent which is what I will see a dramatic change in how you feel and your confidence level. It's very simple. No healing is required. What is required is to get away from the hot flame. And stay away.

[itsashyo]

Can you please make this playlist available for all ? That would help me a lot

[GodTurnItAround]

Create a little space between the thoughts and your reaction to the thoughts through mindfulness meditation. When you are a little more aware of your thoughts, you will have a bit of space to simply watch them. As if you're the observer of them. Write them down. Most of the times you will notice a pattern of the same thoughts. Question these as if you're curious. You can choose to talk to these thoughts. I asked myself if this thought is true. Most of my thoughts were from my mother or my partner. Some were things society placed into my mind. If you listen and allow them, you will see that they're not all even true.
I don't run away from my thoughts now. Sometimes it's a message that's important, but think of them as friends. Welcome them. Even the bullies. Love yourself enough to disbelieve what you truly think isn't real. They will dissipate. Until you're left with your true authentic voice.

[beatrixbrennan]

I don't mean to throw a pity party, but those that suffer from cptsd have a monumental struggle ahead of them their whole lives. Especially those that have been SA'd in early childhood. I was on a mission to heal when it became overwhelming. There was always some issue i was working on just to be "normal." I end up resorting to drinking alcohol and hanging out with shit people because I'll never be emotionally or mentally stable enough to have healthy relationships. I push people away constantly and have come to enjoy my miserable solitude because i don't have to put on my mask anymore. This life has been cruel to the point where i cant wait for it to be over so that i can eternity in heaven with my savior, Jesus Christ.

[Maria.]

Where can I watch this whole lecture, please? I couldnt find in your channel

[thecommonsensecapricorn]

@5:38 I still to this day believe that my ex boyfriends never really loved me and they were just in love with an idea of me or they loved me because they just wanted to be in love. I’ve never really believed someone loved or cared about me truly, and it’s impossible for me to believe someone would want me to be in their life forever. I’m always expecting people to get tired of me or just move on from me.

[Mahmoud-dbhq]

Do the professor has episodes about healing the shame problem?

[HeyItsFlix]

How about I just pretend i'm o k o k

[TheCherrytree]

As if people really need to bond with someone deeply. Actually it is not necessary. You can be friend with someone while maintain some distance. In relationship you can maintain distance. People do not need that close. This will make things much easier.

[jonathanlindsey]

Like us and China with Temu after we were already told China gave us Covid. That's the opposite of self defense. I'm a no.