Narcissists & Narcissistic Abuse Victims - 3 Similarities & 1 Way They Differ

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The statements on this YouTube channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.

[natashaevsimon]

The 2 validations are very different.
Narcissists need validation by any means.
Victims deserve validation of truth.

[iseewhatyoudidthere]

I am forced to live with my narcissist parent ( for now) and learning the truth about that parent feels like I'm living with a serial killer that I have to pretend is totally normal. Little by little, job by job, friend by friend ; family members, hope and joy are serial "killed " by the narcissist.

[sissivdv]

Totally agree, victims of narcissistic abuse...can heal

[Livefreeordie-]

Yeah...low self-esteem...I no longer needed validation once I realised the people from whom I sought it wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire.

[dcgfree]

The narcissist's goal is to turn you into them and it works while you're in that dynamic. You have to pick up their traits to survive inside the relationship.

[markmartin]

Yes the approach and avoid thing but also the frozen rabbit. Sometimes when I’m around narcissists I freeze like I’m five years old again. I can’t think or feel any emotions.

[iamgoddessoflove]

It takes time to heal from narcissist abuse because they don’t only break your heart, but spirit also. 💙YouTuber That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[charlesagibb]

Thanks Michele, this was easy to follow and understand. It made a great deal of sense to me where countless books only caused more confusion in my frazzled brain. I wasn't recognised as a child, and felt it was my job to make Mum and Dad happy. It was the only validation I got so I felt good when I was thanked for my efforts. Even a small acknowledgment was like gold to me. I was the knight in shining armour to my covert narcissist as I saved her from her very dysfunctional family. She held the same morals and values as me, and I thought how lucky we both were to find each other. As time passed and I formed a deep emotional bond, slowly but surely my wishes became less and less relevant until I felt guilty to expect any love. While being told I was selfish and unreasonable. I never stood up for myself but when I saw my children being treated with the same utter contempt, while being told they were" happy" and " There's something wrong with you". I lost my temper and shouted like crazy. And yes, she did drive me crazy. I think then she realized the game was up and the mask slipped off completely. I could never leave my kids, especially with their mother so 5yrs of hell went by before she fled with the kid. Playing the victim ( DARVO) to a troop of flying monkey. So convincing I could almost believe her myself, if it weren't for her immediately promoting her best friends husband to primary supply. That didn't last six months, but it sure as hell kicked the crap out of both me and the kids. Loving someone unconditionally and hating them simultaneously is confusing to say the least, and deeply traumatic for both me and the kids. I've struggled for twenty-two years now, and am finally coming to terms with what happened. Your videos and others have helped me enormously. In a small community I am still the villain and she's the abused for many people What I named the "Fake Public Persona" is as strong and convincing as ever, and our children have grown up afraid to challenge their mother in any way, for fear of being denied the conditional affection she metres out judged on performance. I've read they steal your identity, and leave you theirs. I think it's true. To try and explain what happened to anyone who knows her is pointless, and I'd be thought as a nasty ex husband. Your videos have really helped me see I'm not mad or bad. I don't think my wife is evil, only very sick. To this day she still believes she has done nothing wrong, and I am responsible for everything. Two years ago she hoovered me for the last time. I confronted her with the knowledge I'd gained, she was terrified and promptly "Stonewalled" me. These days she has had to confine her abuse to triangulation through the kids. It has been a godsend. Knowledge truly is power!. Sorry for the long rant and thanks a million for your help. You literally saved my life.

[cairosilver]

I think the victim of a narcissist wants affirmation like someone who has been stabbed and has lost a lot of blood wants a blood transfusion. The narcissist is also bleeding out, but their approach is to take the blood of others (then bleed it out because they don't tend the wound). However the victim of the narcissist typically thinks you have to go by blood transfusion - they don't realise they can start wrapping their own wound and generating their own new blood supply. When they do realise and try to do so IMO they start to grow stronger and stronger at doing so.

In some ways though I think the victim of a narcissist has it sort of easier because in trying to please everyone, even if that is a bit manipulative, it isn't really all that bad and so the victim doesn't have to face any history of having done hundreds of horrible things (while pretending they are great). The narcissist, to heal, does face this history. That's probably part of why they typically just don't come back from narcissism. They have to be perfect and great because the alternative is they are a monster...and in being unable to face they are a monster they can never to to the point where they merely were a monster.

[optical-illusion]

Love you Michelle, human angel, beautiful human ❤️

[robanjel]

Great topic. As a victim of narc abuse, I question my attitude. With the resentment I hold, I have became more closed in or a little snappy with ppl. I have gained so much more knowledge and with some of my verbage/actions, makes me seem toxic. That’s the hard part when it comes to explaining how I feel or I can tell others in a rage “I don’t want to see the ex or hear their voice!” And if I meet with the ex ( because We co parent ) it’s like I know how to put on the mask now

[tessiebelizzi]

I feel very sick living in this sitiuation and seems I dont have a way to go out of it

[deannemcpherson]

This is the best description I have ever heard! It explains so much and validates! Thank you!!

[libertycan]

I don't need validation I just need them to leave me the hell alone and get the hell out of my life. I was striving to move forward throughout my life many times until I find them peaking in my life and infiltrating my life. Go no contact and they just can't understand.

On that note I'm not a narcissist and found those that are that have been in my life are on another level of masterful manipulation and exploitation.

They created it.

[johnjohnstone]

I Might Be A Covert Narc By That Descrition Because It Has Taken Me So Long And Has Been Excruciatingly Difficult. To Just Accept/Say This Is What I Think, This Is What I Feel, This Is What I Am. I Haven't Yet Reached As Far As, And This Is What I Would Like To Do.

[cocochanco.]

yes. they are very similar. i am a tarot reader. the interesting thing is when i do toxic relationship readings, it's hard to tell the difference between the narc vs the victim, the abuse vs reactive abuse, etc. they have similar actions with different motives and reasons. ❤️

[sandrinefontanel]

Very good video, and thank you for considering what is in common between narcs and victims of narcissistic abuse. There are many similarities. Obviously the pn always project their feelings onto other people and therefore can unload their feelings instead of processing them.... But don't the victims do the same?
To my opinion, the only difference between pn and pn victims, isn't empathy, but compassion.
PN do have empathy, the so called 'radar" that allows them to spot their victims. But they have no compassion. THAT is the difference. They can't love.

[alisonpham]

Keep doing these videos. So helpful! I think my siblings have got worse over time. When they succeed, they become worse and very puffed up. They mock those who challenge their actions and tell you youre the problem.
My covert narc mother does exactly the whole "nothing is wrong with me, nothing touches me, nothing cant be got over and remaining positive about!" Adding, your emotion are too strong for you. Like, you cant handle your emotions, you overwhelm yourself, get on with your life.
When your whole family doesnt acknowledge that the other narc SIL has done something that breaks all your trust, all your work on building self validation and self trust and self reliance flies out the window. Because the abuse leaves no physical wounds, no one believes you, even significant others on why you are NEVER contacting these self grandiosing creeps again, its lonely AF.
Seeing that i have been seeing life as my folks, and believing the same crap, is devastating when you realise you have to rewire yourself, and try to lose that way of thinking.
Its wrecked relationships of all kinds. My marriage is better, because i dont expect what my mother does from my father, from my spouse. And i realise he actually has feelings. This has been a recent revelation. As stupid as it sounds, because he also had narc upbringing, he just came across as my mother. But i think reactive abuse is going to get a reaction where they wont behave nicely either.
Moving forward in some areas, and drowning in others.

[flormarthas.ferreira]

I don´t think there is no one at the Internet that explains those subjects so well as you do! Thank you very much. You are a gift of God to us. Best wishes!

[svst]

That’s broscience.. if at all you can state that both partners who engage in the dance are codependent. One of them is usually the disempowered codependent the other the falsely empowered. They just choose a different strategy as a child/ teen to „survive“ and get their needs met. Yes the falsely empowered seems to be more mean whereas the other engages in more ppl pleasing. To make it more complicated roles can switch back and forth depending on the relationship dynamic. To talk about a victim vs a perpetrator in this context is not helpful. Obviously an outsider! (Professional, Family Friends etc) ( yes i recognize that behind close doors they might act differently yet the mask slips eventually outside too) should observe if one engages in abusive behavior (narcissistic or not). But even this is only relevant if the abusive behavior effects the other. If not it’s irrelevant. If one doesn’t engage in obvious abusive behavior (once again observed from an outside perspective) and the other feels abused it might well be that the latter is the one with the „issues“ (e.g. narcissist/ borderline react strongly on PERCEIVED feeling of abandonment, critics etc). Cheating, yelling, being assertive, argumentative, name calling etc is NOT abusive per se and doesn’t classify for a PD or in the spectrum . Ppl who claim they have been married 20y with a person and after they watched some yt vids about narcissism „suddenly“ realize that they are with an abusive partner … this does say more about the one who makes the claim than about the partner. If ppl don’t feel happy / content with their relationship they should leave if they „can’t „ cause of a „trauma bond „ etc well they should do it anyway .