CPTSD & The Attraction to Unavailable People #shorts

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One of the WORST (though least talked about) symptoms of CPTSD is the attraction to unavailable patterns. Why does past trauma seem to generate more trauma? Here's what happens.
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[cherp]

I always feel safe with avoidant people. The so called regulated people expect much from me with i can’t deliver. It’s stress either ways.

[MrStrocube]

I was so completely screwed up that I was unconsciously looking for girlfriends that would abuse the hell outta me and validate my extreme self-loathing.
Even once I kinda figured this out, it seemed that I was still some kind of a magnet for the most damaged women imaginable. It got to where I could see them coming. It was and still is, like an axiom or a law of the universe; if she’s attracted to me, she’s a psycho.
I swear, I was not looking for these types. To the contrary, I can see them coming and I run the other way.

[paulyadav]

I can relate to this. I am a narcissist’s dream. Always trying to meet someone else’s standards and broken when I fall short so I try even harder and harder only to become more broken and resentful. At 56 I popped. A ton of self reflection and sorting things out. Trying to figure out an entire lifetime in a single year. From childhood traumas, to marriage, to parenting, to business ownership, to friendships, to jobs, and finally what made me so broken and how to let it go. Still working on that, but a lot better. When I started pushing back, people showed themselves the door.

Processing things at 56 is a lot more difficult than as a child. Especially when there was no training on how to cope. I guess you could say I am self taught.

[peepsicle]

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

Groucho Marx

Many of us have lived our entire lives like this, having magical thinking about someone unattainable or avoidant “Oh if only I can force a relationship my life will be perfect, ”because someone who doesn’t really want us seems to be of “higher value” than someone who likes us. And sometimes performing that perpetual dance of going from relationship to relationship trying to “crap-fit” ourselves into falling in love with someone who we aren’t at all attracted to just because they’re attracted to us. It’s such a cliche, but you really don’t find someone who can truly love you until you finally say “This is who I am, with all of my flaws, take me or leave me, and I deserve love.” And mean it.

[jadegreen]

“Getting close to people causes stress” - such a small easy, first step/trigger to miss…

[llaptoo]

Sadly I didn't love any of my boyfriends as much as I loved and longed for unavailable men. And I was always aware of this and why I'm like that, but still there was this need to find my one and only soulmate, the one person who truly gets me and belongs to me. I saw this fictional character in all the wrong guys. But now I'm 52 and don't care about all that romantic stuff anymore which is such a relief. I can focus on my many interests, my art, my books etc. I even forgave my mother for never being interested in me (and all the other bitterness that ran in my family) and I'm happily alone, not expecting anything from people, untroubled by longing for something that I could just never get :) Sure my life could have been so much better, but it is what it is and now that my hormones have retired I'm able to accept that and be at peace with it.

[ands]

It’s almost masochistic that those of us with childhood trauma would gravitate towards and be attracted to those that ill-treat us. The pull, the attraction is so annoyingly addictive.

[erome]

So I finally found out why i am attracted and attached to certain individuals, which also lead to my fantasies.
It all leads to my childhood.
I didn’t receive any emotional and intimate attention growing up.

I would receive that attention from toxic controlling people in a way where It was strong and noticeable for me. Not the healthiest way.😅😢
I didn’t know any better because I never knew what receiving positive and healthy attention felt like in my childhood.

Knowledge is power

[katelarkham]

Very much so. Thank u for helping me to understand my CPTSD

[kathyingram]

~Growing up, my mother was always telling me my(few) friends were just using me~Now, as an adult, not only can i not tell, but most of the time i end up seeing people the opposite, and realize later the true friends were not using me, and the ones i thought were my friends, were using me....?!?

[lulumarie]

15 years with the same (married for 12 now) avoidant man who doesn't communicate until I get upset (and barely then). He loves me best when I'm upset 😔. He's a good person, but he's got stuff from his past he won't deal with. I spent all this time thinking that things would get better, he'd learn to communicate better and be more attentive. It got so much worse when smartphones came along. Still, how could I give up on him when I have so many issues of my own? Well, I've finally started working on healing myself instead of trying to change him. I'm hopeful but also scared to see where it leads me/us. He's the only family I have.

[otiliamanuelajurj]

My two marriages in a nutshell. I hope my children will not experience this.

[ndiekwere]

I can discern that the person isn’t right for me. But yet it’s like a warm fire 🔥 in the a cold room, am curious. And that’s the problem

[kimberlybeshears]

It's difficult for sure. It's not easy to navigate sometimes.

[jessniemishamaseen]

Trauma through generations 💔. I believe I have CPTSD, however, I wasn't neglected or abused as a kid, though both my parents were and both were adults of alcoholic parents. When I married at 18 to an abusive narcissist is when my trauma occurred. Do you think a brain under 25 years is susceptible to CPTSD? Do you think the generational trauma was inherited or learned or both?

[Sandra-hcvo]

it kind of feels like whatever direction you go to as a relationship coping style, if its not based in the (ever illusive for some) secure attachment, there is gonna be pain and issues?

[trinityp]

But one can’t help who he/she falls in love with.

[lori]

I can’t get out of it. I feel bad when I try to and get pulled back in even when I know it’s wrong. Then I get in get attached and don’t want to leave 🥲.