How Do Autistic Adults Communicate? - Neurotypical Vs Autistic Communication Styles

What are the differences between Neurotypical and Autistic communication?

This video is completely experiential, meaning these all things I've noticed throughout my life - within different groups. People DO differ from these generalisations! I've met many autistic people with what I describe as 'neurotypical-like communication'... and vice versa.

Please feel free to give your experiences down in the comment section, I look forward to hearing your analysis of these differences!
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[ThomasHenley]

This video is completely experiential, meaning these all things I've noticed throughout my life - within different groups. People DO differ from these generalisations! I've met many autistic people with what I describe as 'neurotypical-like communication'... and vice versa.

Please feel free to give your experiences down in the comment section, I look forward to hearing your analysis of these differences!

[riverdonoghue]

I think one of the big differences is NTs talk alot in code etc whereas we're more direct and honest and we're not afraid to express an honest opinion even if it goes against group think which of course can make us unpopular.

[artisticautistic]

Sitting silently with someone is it's own form of socializing

[zikusuperfroggy]

Came in after diagnosed with ADHD and suspect having autism as well. Most things you talked about just ring truth in my ears. It's such paradox to possess the power of empathy but not able to disect people's intention. It's almost like we are born to be the angels with pure positivity and trust only to be hit hard by the world.

[Sleepy]

My self and my daughter are autistic and obviously struggle with social communication. My daughter is 13 years old and I do worry about her as she is very vulnerable, she will also change the subject to kittens if people was talking about something deep. I'm so worried for her. She just wants to be friends with everyone. I just want to protect her.

[R.A]

I also think for people with asd or atleast for me, its always a problem to be solved(i can't stop it). Narrow down area of contention, bring relevant detail or identify missing information and make sure everyone has the same information and weight to the information.... lol a court proceeding

[steveneardley]

Recently I was hanging out with some neurotypical people I know, though not well, and the topics of conversation were not only limited, but sort of mindless--food, cars, sports. I wanted to talk about chemistry, astrology, philosophy, A1, reincarnation, ancient history. I'm not stupid enough to have tried to introduce these subjects, but I ended up feeling like I was expected to consistently dumb myself down for the harmony of the group. And even though emotionally I was getting something out of this interaction, I felt it was a very bad bargain. It was like living with my parents again, where I had to guard every word I said. And as Thomas said, any negativity or criticism was met with "brain police" retaliation. It felt like bullying. It WAS bullying. I have neurotypical friends, but I am always relating to them one on one, rather than in a group. That seems to work best.

[NickSBailey]

it really is a spectrum because my experience of neurodivergant groups has had lots of humour, there will be serious in depth subjects and little small talk but we swap in and out of humour constantly, and my straightforward honest way of speaking does lead me to sometimes say I don't really have anything to say about that which takes neurotypical people off guard I've noticed but adhd/autists just get it

[eldiariodemell]

That's so accurate, i can enjoy my space share with someone even if we don't talk nothing or be too much talkative with my interest restrictive

[charimonfanboy]

I don't think it's a "we can't get a conversation started" thing so much as a "small talk is dumb" thing. Aspie groups just need a focus, I went to a few study groups at uni, bounced around between them for a week or so because NTs prefer to goof off for a while before getting down to stuff, until I found a group that had no time for small talk. Just straight in to the meat of what we needed to do, no messing.

And clubs/societies were great, I went to my uni's pagan society (because viking culture and beliefs was one of my obsessions at the time) and we were a mix of NTs and aspies and it all worked great because any small talk was limited to a formulaic list of questions to ask and answer and the rest of the communication were great in depth discussions about whatever the meeting was about.

[jermainedonaldson]

I think there should be a social networking site/app and dating site/app that’s specifically for Neurodiverse people with Autism, Aspergers, OCD and so on. That way everyone would feel loved and accepted. 🧠❤️

[cjaria]

I see alot of people in the neurodivergent community talking as if austistic people naturally some kind of "better way" of communicating that neurotypicals haven't figured out, branding it as some kind of sacred safe space that neurotypicals are too scared to enter with honesty and directness that would send the "normies" running. I don't think that the initial lightheartedness of a more neurotypical conversation implies any less emotional depth or any less of a true friendship, it's just that those feelings are more implied rather than said out loud. In the same way, I don't think the perceived honesty and matter of fact speaking in an autistic conversation necessarily creates real bonding and closeness. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of ND friends who I have bonded with instantly, and the friendships I have with NT people have probably taken a little longer to be formed. But I have met plenty of autistic people with whom I instantly felt I could be vulnerable and open, and have talked very deeply with, only for that person to actually be quite shallow and self centred. Likewise, I have met plenty of NT people with whom there wasn't much depth to the conversation initially, and I even thought initially that they didn't really want to speak to me just because we weren't immediately having deep chats or because they were a little more reserved, but when I see them again they're happy to see me and I'm happy to see them. I feel like alot of people in the ND community have developed an "us against them" mentality which pits the autistic against the non-autistic in some kind of unspoken (ironic right?!) war. Put it this way, if a neurotypical friend group has a friend who's going through something difficult, they're not just going to oust them or refuse to talk to them about it. If they do it's probably less down to them being neurotypical and more of them just being a bit of a dick. They're going to be there to support their friend, and if anything that conversation and advice might even be better because a stronger foundation has been built over a longer amount of time that allows room for more raw honesty and rational, grounded, objective advice. Once again, as someone with autism and ADHD I absolutely love neurodivergent conversation and do find it easier and more comfortable to delve into. Alot of my best friends are neurodivergent and that checks out, but I also have alot of amazing neurotypical friends. It's just that the connection has taken me a bit longer to figure out because it's implied rather than said out loud. The person making this video said themselves that they are mainly friends with neurotypical people. I'm not trying to say that one is better than the other because it's not and that's the point. There is no one way to form close and trusting bonds. That just comes down to how kind and trustworthy a person is. I feel that neurodivergent people claiming they're inherently better than neurotypicals (not all ND people do this!! But I have noticed it quite a bit, I'm even seeing it just in the comments of this video) is actually quite, shallow, righteous and self centred which funnily enough is exactly what they are "accusing" neurotypical people off with a communication style that is simply different but says just as much, if not more. And I could name countless ND group convos I've been in where every person's intention has simply been to get on top and assert dominance within the conversation. Depth meaning, love and safety is created through kindness. Again, I'm saying this as someone who predominantly has ND friends but hell I've met alot of ND people who wouldn't be afraid to go deep in a first conversation. Maybe the problem for these people in the ND community is simply that other NT people might not have suffered and hurt in the same way you have, and haven't had to struggle as hard just to not be lonely. Being autistic is hard. Having ADHD is hard. These things present alot of very real challenges every day and it's easy to feel frustration and that it's unfair how others haven't had to have been put through the same shit you have. And I know it's hard bc i've been there myself. And you know what it's also hard when every conversation seems be to be understood so easily by others but you're left trying to put the pieces together. What I'm saying is that struggle breeds many things and contempt is one of them the sufferers are now taking it out on those who didn't suffer. But people need to get out of this "us vs them" mentality bc true bonding is not about what conditions people do or don't have, it's about who you are on the inside. This mentality will only breed disconnect, which if I understand correctly is exactly what is at the heart of problem that ND people think exists in NT conversation. Cats and dogs might come from different worlds, but they often become the best of friends! 😊🎉

[timmcdraw]

god I love this so much. thank you so much for making this video. speaks right to my experience and think I'll always need to hear this reminder

[riverdonoghue]

I hate small talk and people talking for the sake of talking. I live in rural Ireland and people are always talking about the weather. Does my head in. I lived in London for 10 years and really miss it. I also much prefer city life to rural living.

[danyelPitmon]

Guess I’m kind of in the middle I kind of share more in a conversation than I probably should

[tangerinefizz]

NT conversation topics are normally what's called "water cooler talk."

[tangerinefizz]

I find neurotypical conversations to often be superficial and unfulfilling.

[StarberryPlacemats]

This was so interesting, it's set some cogs turning for sure!

[DrinkYourNailPolish]

I like to make the humourous observation abt small talk that NTs will tenderly stare deeply into each others soul
.... and talk abt the weather. 😂

[mariesprowl]

Your so handsome, charming and well spoken. The topic of this video was so interesting.
I have a question regarding the difference in communication styles between the two types when it comes to answering questions. What would be a difference if any ? For example does an autist asks a question do the prefer shorter, direct fact based, bottom line answers VS a lot of nuance, colorful details in a drawn out explanation ?
I’m wondering because I know two people who aren’t diagnosed but have ASD traits and when they ask questions the sound like a prosecutor wanting direct answers. In fact the seem to prefer to guide me to short responses rather than let me go on to answer in my own way. Now, I do tend to wander in details but it feels so restrictive when the demand I answer in a style they prefer. Maybe this is just a personality trait not specific to ASD at all. Just wondering what your thoughts are. Thx.