Codependency: When Relationships Become Everything

Interpersonal relationships are important to humans, but there are also times when these relationships can be unhealthy.

Hosted by: Brit Garner
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[jinxieunlucky]

People REALLY don't seem to be understanding that being codependent is depending on another person to an extreme degree. Of course it's normal to depend on people, but when it gets to the point that without that other person you would cease to be a functional, healthy person, THAT'S when it's dangerous. You should exist with your loved ones, not for them. A breakup, for example, shouldn't be the end of your world. Sure, it's normal to mourn the loss of a big part of your life, but if it's to the point where you can no longer leave the house because you're in such despair, and that state of being persists, your attachment to that person was not at a healthy level.

I love my wife. It's hard to imagine life without her. If we were to break up or she were to pass away, I'd be DEVASTATED, but eventually I'd pick myself back up and keep on living. We love each other, but we don't need to be with each other every minute of every day. We can exist in the same space without always taking up each other's attention. We have other friends we talk to about emotional issues, because only ever relying on each other would be unhealthy. We let each other spend time with our own friends without always having to be there knowing what the other is doing.

As Britt mentioned, codependency isn't something you can diagnose. Sometimes a relationship that was previously healthy can turn codependent, and subsequently there are ways that the people involved can make it healthy again, and more often than not codependency is a result of other underlying issues. I see a lot of comments going "But this is normal", and I think the reason people tend to think that is because A LOT of the media we consume normalizes codependency and romanticises it. Look at the Twilight Saga. In New Moon Bella completely loses her sense of self when Edward leaves, to the point where she does reckless things because she doesn't even care about her own safety anymore. THAT'S what codependency looks like, and it's not a good thing.

[justanotherrandomguy]

Ok just wanna thank the writer or whoever said the phrase "IT IS NEVER TRUE" when talking about someone thinking they deserve to be abused ny their partner

I was in an abusive relationship for over a year and always thought I deserved it because I was useless or worthless
I moved on but that phrase hit a sensitive spot in my memory and I started crying
And I'm thankful to hear that, because I will never let myself be in another of that kind of relationship
I have been thinking like this for a while just to clear things up, but hearing it, is so satisfying and meaningful to me.

Thank you

[Master_Therion]

Polar Bears have a similar problem. They're coldependent.

[wmarclocher]

It has been my experience that codependency is often a two way street: there's the needy person and there's the needs to be needed person. I think both have an unhealthy view of relationships.

[ryanliberty]

Thank you for doing an episode on this. Many people don't realize that it isn't a clinical term. Codependent people seem to have difficulty with boundaries, much like those with cluster B personality disorders. It's possible for 2 people to have a codependent relationship with each other, both looking to get their emotional needs met from the other in an unhealthy way. Indeed attachment trauma and neglect/abuse in childhood may be a significant cause as they are forms of trauma. The upside is if we realize there is a problem because we are in a codependent relationship that can be the beginning of healing these emotionally wounds we've carried for so long.

[HumeanPiano]

When I got into a relationship, I had codependency problems, especially with my autism, and how I show my emotions all the time, which can put stress on my partner, and then stress on me. It isn't easy :/

[lemoncola]

she described what a codependent relationship is, she said that it can be linked to depression, she said people in codependent relationships were more likely to stay despite abuse, she listed off so many things that i have experienced first hand from my former partner, she had depression, she had problems with her care giver, problems with her whole family even, i felt obligated to stay and it lasted from nov 11 2019 to valentines day 2020, and the relationship was toxic and extremely emotionally abusive, i wish i saw this video earlier, but i learned from it how i needed to, i know that i dont want to be someones superman, i never want to hear "whats the point of living if i cant see you" ever again in my life, share this video, someone needs to hear it, i sure as hell needed to

[adrestia]

I think the difference between love and codependency can be summed up as such:
Love: jumping in front of a car to save someone important to you
Codependency: jumping in front of a car to save your relationship

[jonnuanez]

Melody Beattie's book 'Codependency' spells it all out in a great way. I had to read this book to have it all spelled out for me.

[MasterVash]

I just lost my mother. I had an extremely close relationship with her and I feel pretty lost without her. It feels like there's a hole in me. This is pretty relevant right now...

[Great_Olaf]

Partners depending on each other to solve extent is part of what mashes a relationship a relationship, but your sense of self worth and ability to cope with situations sound never come exclusively from a single source. There's a balance.

[shutupsprinkles]

THANK YOU for this video. Someone brought up codependency a while back, and suggested I might be. I tried to do some research online about it, but got very confused because most of the reading was about enabling an addict, as opposed to defining oneself by a relationship. This clarifies a lot.

[RenGalaxy]

Thank you so much for sharing this great info! As a transformational life coach who specializes in helping women create their best lives after toxic relationships I am all too well aware of how big of an issue this is! Thank you!

[victorialynnstruble]

I just discovered scishow psych today and I feel like your videos are continuously talking to me personally

[theincarnationofboredom]

I had this problem with my best friend for a long time. He was nice and a good friend at first... but after time he became hypocritical and would just toss me aside when he didn't want to talk to me anymore, I've known him for about three years, and only today I finally made the decision that he ain't worth it.

[SpellFinder]

Thank you for mentioning that this can happen in friendships too.

[raspberrytaegi]

I’m not willing to leave my codependent relationships. I love those people and I need them. They do complete me.

[NewMessage]

I was in a band in the 80's called 'Codependent Copepod'.

[lightanddarkful]

I enjoy this youtube channel because when this video came out, and made me realize i had a codependency problem; im currently trying to make myself better

[frizider]

im catependent. i can't live without my cat.