Why are autistic people always misunderstood?

TO BE AUTISTIC IS TO BE MISUNDERSTOOD. Let's talk about the reasons behind being misunderstood and the trauma that comes along with it. The three main pints that I touch on is the double empathy problem, non verbal communication, and communication trauma. I hope by sharing my experiences it helps people feel less alone in theirs!

TIME STAMPS
00:00 - 00:55 Introduction
00:56 - 03:29 The double empathy problem
03:30 - 04:49 The double empathy problem and friendship
04:50 - 08:39 Non verbal communication
08:40 - 09:04 Misinterpreting social cues
09:05 - 11:19 Communication trauma
11:20 - 13:47 Self scripting trauma response
13:48 - 14:59 Unmasking
15:00 - 15:59 Life update and Outro

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ABOUT ME
Hello, for those of you that dont know me my name is Morgan. I am a 22 year old late diagnosed autistic ADHDer from Massachusetts. I am sharing my life on social media in an effort to advocate for autism awareness and break down the stigma surrounding autism and ADHD. I mostly talk about neurodivergent stuff but I also make lifestyle and travel content.

[nailati]

the worst part is when you carefully explain what you actually feel or intend, thinking that this will clarify the misunderstanding — only for people to assume that you're exaggerating, being dramatic, or trying to manipulate them!

[erockdanger]

"I'm going out of my way to explain myself and conform to you and I'm still a problem!?" My heart - I dont know if I've ever felt so seen

[iamsuperlious]

I have a hard time because I either don’t laugh at jokes, even when I find them funny, I just don’t see the need to verbally laugh. OR I end up laughing at inappropriate times.

[seanrshivers]

"I am upset and uncomfortable."
"How dare you take that tone with me?!?"

Is basically the story of my childhood.

[vagabondsentinel]

I've had people call me "condescending" because I overexplain as a result of constant communication issues. I experience a lot of the things you've described here, and overexplaining was my solution, and that just created new problems. It's so frustrating and distressing. Thank you for this.

[dhesyca]

"Communication trauma from being misunderstood." I feel this so deeply. Thank you.

[daetros]

I have noticed that people often don't listen to what is being said. They listen only long enough to feel confident making an assumption and then they react/respond to their assumption. It's so confusing and frustrating because I try to choose my words very carefully too.

[austinburns]

People think I am either a genius or an idiot. The truth is neither, but no one has any idea what I am about - try as I might.
Thank you for this video.

[TamaraScott-ts]

Thank you! My son is dating a young woman who I suspect is autistic. She is lovely but misses social cues and has therefore attracted some criticism from other relatives (which I have found rude). You have helped me understand some things I can do to help her feel welcome and accepted. You are absolutely a beautiful person worth knowing!

[ashleyredsheep]

The over-expressive and under-expressive autism point was so interesting to me. I feel like I had the opposite problem. Unless I'm tired or spacing out, I'm incredibly expressive and animated to the point where it would get me snickers. I always felt like I had to 'tone myself down' and seem more stoic so people could see that I'm also a dignified intellectual who they can't easily get a rise out of. God, accurate self-portrayal is HARD.

[randywoodman]

I am a 53 year old guy. This video blew my mind. You are describing my life. I have wasted so much energy wondering why people are so put off with my conversation. I can and have easily blamed myself and have been deeply depressed (inside) for years and have asked for help but seemingly there's no help to be had. Nobody seems to even want to understand. Your video has made my day a little brighter, thank you. ❤😊

[AndPennyThought]

I think that allistic people view explanations as excuses. That is, they view people explaining themselves as trying to absolve them of having done something wrong. Rather than us who are literally just confused and want mutual understanding.

[lynn_thinks]

Hi Morgan, a bit of advice from a ‘much’ older neurodivergent auntie… If you can, get involved in things that let you interact with people from outside your normal circle — different age groups, different interests, different nationalities, different first languages, classes learning something new with other newbies. Those are circumstances in which everyone has to do a little ‘translating’ for clear communication anyway and it requires everyone to exert effort for clarity and relationship. Relationships I’ve made in those circumstances have been the most rich and long-lasting of my life.

[mickiofthemountains]

As a 57 yr old Audhd woman.
I have often had the same thoughts.
Alistics, often come to a conversation expecting something else behind our words, or behaviors.... Expecting motives.
The fact that we are honest and blunt, we say exactly what we mean, confuses them.
They try to figure out what we "really" mean.... When we just told them.
Their indirect communication style is the issue.

[Emeraldstardust]

The part when you mentioned how you don’t “look” friendly or just seem rude and snobby because the lack of facial expression…I get it. I’ve been told that I have RBF and my own mother even said that because I’m too quiet or refuse to talk to people I barely know makes me seem “snobby” or “rude”. We have to conform to a neurotypical society while putting in tons more effort to appear “normal”. It’s never about being “authentically yourself” it’s about making people comfortable with you because we’re the “problem”. I finally feel seen and understood. Thank you ❤

[DRicke]

"you're so argumentative!" --- "you always have to be right!" --- "you're overthinking it!"

[larajohnson]

I tried the precise articulation to avoid being misunderstood that you are describing. The people listening to me had never heard that sophisticated vocabulary before. They looked words up in a dictionary after I left, and told me about it later. They concluded that I was deliberately showing off how literate I am and deliberately trying to make them feel stupid. 🤦🏼‍♀️
I learned that when someone has decided to not like you, they will invent more reasons not to like you. It’s best to get as far away from them as possible and go find other people; someday, you’ll get lucky and find your people. Keep looking.

[smig]

This hits close to home.

My biggest trauma is when people misunderstood me completely and didn't tell anything, only for me to find out years later because someone else told me.

[MDWLRK]

When people ask me why I over-explain myself…lol. This. This is why. Thank you, Morgan!

[aboutnol]

I'm not autistic. But as a scapegoat, I feel you.
I just gave up...
I'm 31 yo woman. I have no family no friends no nothing. Nobody understands me and nobody wants to listen. Because I don't want to "mask" anymore.
The last time I talked to another person was more than a year ago.
It's so weird a lot of things you said resonate me.
Waiting here for people to listen.. I don't want to prove myself anymore. It's exhausting.