how to spot high masking autism: 13 signs

This video describes high masking autism, where and why we might "camouflage or mask," the 3 categories of camouflaging/masking, and then provides 13 signs that point to high masking dynamics for people on the autism spectrum.

Signs begin at 9 minutes!

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[thedailymakermaking]

Super helpful list…. ❤
1) Endure/conceal sensory issues
2) Hiding food aversions
3) Suppressing or avoiding sensory stimulation
4) Repressing stimming
5) Mimics or memorize socially acceptable behavior/clothes/makeup
6) Practicing, scripting, monitoring conversation while having them/ overly nice
7) Overly focusing on eye contact
8) Adjusting body language continually
9) Masking social discomfort in conversation/social settings
10) Hide or change how you would normally solve a problem
11) Chronically hyper aware of impression you are making socially
12) Relying on others to be with you when you do routine things
13) Feeling very different from others
14) Raging anxiety
Thank you for making this video!
And sorry if I split one into two!

[lisae]

Is this why I always walk away from having a conversation with someone new and thinking that I say way too much. Then I just don’t want to even be around people so I don’t have to worry about saying something weird.

[DawnTrelawney]

I am 58 years old and I realized a while ago that I've been masking all my life. The issue for me is that the older I get masking has become more and more difficult. Hypervigilance is exhausting. I notice that I overstimulation is taking its toll on me. I feel like I'm having a mental breakdown on a daily basis. Work is becoming difficult because the "real" me emerges when the stress of the job hits me. I also have a 32 year-old son who is autistic at home. This adds to the craziness.

[northofyou]

My entire life has been one long performance based on shame. Chronic fatigue -- also a fact of my life. I've suspected my autism for awhile now, but I never connected masking to my chronic fatigue until watching this video! Wow! (Getting my hair done is one of my biggest aversions. I let my hair go gray.) I have always hidden my inability to do the daily technical requirements of being in society. Hypervigilant about presenting as normal. Procrastination based on my eternal anxiety. Etc, etc. Thanks for these videos. They are so helpful!

[daveci]

I found this video upsetting - not because it's bad. But because more of the realism hit. Thank you for helping me understand myself.

[annaunger]

In Sweden where I live, you can choose when you book your haircut, to not speak during the session 🤍

[gwenhwyfarsdottir]

People sometimes ask (indirectly) how could I not KNOW I'm autistic - how could I go through life not realizing something so fundamental about myself? But when you think about it, inside our own heads we're all living our own version of "normal", right? So before I got diagnosed I thought it's the same thing and "normal" for everybody; that everybody is always aware of their body movements and facial expressions, and monitoring them to fit what everyone else does; that everyone feels awkward in social situations and has to force themselves to participate. Turns out it's not normal and not everyone does it, shocking 😂

When I was in my 20s I had enough energy to deal with all that, but then I got to my 30s and started to crash and burn every 12 months, then every 6 months, then every few months... and I didn't understand why. I now know that it was my constant masking in a demanding work environment that sent me spiraling into burnout all the time, because the accumulative cognitive load became too much for my brain to handle. Masking really is the the silent killer, it sneaks up on you little by little. And trying to unlearn all those coping strategies is a whole other beast to tackle. I don't know if I'll ever be fully unmasked, even with people close to me. Time will tell I guess.

[raytowler]

As the Japanese say 'We have 3 faces' 1st your work face, 2nd friends & family, 3rd when you are alone.

[catherineburton]

Thank you, this is one of the best explanations of masking ive seen, im late diagnosed (62) and used to think "oh i dont think i mask " basically because it was a vocabulary i wasnt used to, youve managed to explain, in detail and importantly how it feels, ive been listening along silently saying yes tick to each category, this has been so helpful.

[honeyplug]

This is absolutely me 24/7. I'm trying to fit into this planet, and even after 50 years here, I'm still doing most of this on a daily basis.

[sarahlogan]

This is me, too. I've been masking since I was 5 or so and early on gave up on social interactions. I'm now in my 70s. I also have a high IQ, I'm an INFJ, and am a psychologist who works in higher ed administration. It is so freeing to finally get answers, not based on the DSM, that can help me sort out everything. Thank you!

[aniaa]

I'm not sure if I am autistic, but I definitely have some traits you mentioned. I got seriously overwhelmed recently. I started a new job and had to go to the office for the first time since 2019. Everything was new: new people, new faces and names to remember, having to think about what to talk to people I had just met, and not wanting to come across as silent (although I didn't feel like talking to anyone while I was already overwhelmed). There were many new rooms to remember. I had to wear not-so-comfortable 'office clothes' and controll my body language (making sure it looks like I am listening and being nice and open, because that is the impression I want to give of myself). There were lots of bright lights, having to learn new things while being in an open space with lots of noise, people talking simultaneously and walking behind my back. I had to commute in noisy and crowded public transport on a hot and humid summer day, and then wanted try to have a life after work, doing stuff, talking to my fiancé, friends, and family... Too much of everything and everyone. I like people, I really do. But I also like my temporary solitude to charge my batteries. Today is Saturday, and I'm happy being home alone, not talking to anyone, just slowly doing things at my own pace and trying to heal. Thank God the job is mostly work-from-home from now on, with just rare visits to the office. I plan to buy noise-cancelling headphones asap, hope that will help too.

[CathyThorsen]

I cried when I listened to this because I feel like different aspects of me are always in conflict, and I have been exhausted for most of my life.

[mindfulmaximalism]

I didn't feel I was different. I knew I was always different. Stimming ✅ Comfort in routine ✅ Repeating a song all day ✅ Lining things up ✅ Feeling textures ✅
I just never have any sensory overload issues, thankfully. Still an introvert.

[shapeofsoup]

Thank you for this. Your combination of professional and experiential knowledge on autistic traits is something our community definitely needs more of.

[fleetingmoment]

I find both masking and not masking stressful, though masking is generally worse due to the exhaustion involved. In general, I try my best to minimise contact with people these days, but the downside is that you're viewed as being asocial or even antisocial, though I'm pretty much at an age and a stage in life where it doesn't bother me as much as it used to, pre-diagnosis. I no longer feel that I owe people as much effort as I once did with regard to trying to fit in.

At my new job (where no one currently knows about my diagnosis) I only make an effort to talk about work-related topics. The rest of the time, I immerse myself in music. That said, I expect to regularly have my routine broken and to find myself in situations that I struggle with sensorily and socially. I've now resigned myself to the fact that that's how life is and that I just have to get through it, despite the burnout and inner turmoil involved.

[carirussell]

This brought a tear to my eye realizing there's an answer for some of the life-long struggles that I have felt.

[miri__pf]

Thank you for this video and for talking about these issues!😊 This whole series diving into high-masking autism has been incredibly helpful in my journey❤ For those who think this happens to most people, it is true that many may have difficulties showing their true selves at some point in their lives. However, as neurodiverse individuals we hide most of the things we do, say or feel in fear of rejection or judgement. Some of us spent many many years feeling out of place, being frowned upon, receiving mistreatment because the way we talk, socialize, laugh, or go about our everyday life is weird to others. The amount of energy we put into looking "normal" and "acceptable" is huge, so much so that it is exhausting. I used to wonder why I would get sick after certain social events, why I needed so many things to be a certain way in order to attend events or meet with friends. It even affected my higher education and professional possibilities, and until recently, it made me feel guilty and weak. Now I understand better. So no, not everyone is autistic and not everyone masks in order to survive.

[emmasharp]

She's helping me more than any "professionals" I've seen since I was 18. I'm a 52-year-old single mother of a 13-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism. I have a general mistrust of all medical workers because of decades of medications and misdiagnoses. I had to endure ECT twice. I really feel like I've been a guinea pig. I am now Disabled for PTSD, ADHD, and an "unspecified personality disorder." I honestly feel as if I've been flying under the radar of Autism for all of my life now that I've been watching her videos. I do every single thing she has mentioned, and it really hits hard. All I really want to do is to be able to "function normally" for the sake of my daughter (and yes, I really would like to be comfortable with the process of living.) I feel like if people see that I am "mentally messed up, " then they will think that I'm a terrible mother, especially with my daughter learning to navigate life with Autism. And that feeling spirals so that I feel hopeless. I cannot allow that, though, because I want with all my heart to give her the best life possible. So I am way, way out of my comfort zone while gathering help for her with a psychiatrist, therapist, and special education at school. All of it is triggering, and my physical health has steadily declining because I still cannot find "real" help for myself mentally.

I'm sorry, I wasn't meaning to whine when so many others are suffering too!

[revvend]

19:42 I was booked to the dentist the other day and for whatever reason they mixed up my details and booked me to another dentist not my regular one. When I saw the person, I thought she may be the assistant so, I asked her "where's the dentist" and she said "I'm the dentist". I literally jumped out of the seat like "oh no sorry I want my regular dentist" so we all quickly realised it was a mix up and they kindly booked me to my regular one. I was thinking all the way home like how much I freaked out for no real reason basically, I'm sure this other dentist would have been just as nice and competent as my regular one, but the fact that she was not the one I was prepared to see, even I was surprised how much it triggered me suddenly. 😲