Discover your neurodivergent masks

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Discovering your Masks ADHD & Autism Workbook

ADHD & Autism Uncovering Your Stims Workbook

ADHD-friendly Weekly Planner · Helps with Executive Dysfunction

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[thethoughtspot]

Hey guys! I’ll be filling out the workbook on next week’s video. Go download it now so we can do it together🤗

[elliotpayton]

Growing up, I honestly didn’t realize the masking until I thought about how different and more “free” I was when I was alone. I remember one or twice a week I would get two hours of pure alone time at home. Those two hours were what I looked forward to all week, and I recall calling it being able to “decompose”.

[myshavikes]

I am so curious is anyone else feels judged 100% of the time. I have never had an interaction with anyone, including my very close friends and partners, where I have felt completely open.

I'm sure this has to do with my childhood trauma as well.

[jannettb]

I never knew that what I called "hats" or roles I would play was actually masking! People are often very surprised to find out that I hate phone calls almost to the point of a phobia, because at work I am often making and receiving phone calls in a very successful and productive way. But that's because when I'm at work, my 'secretary' hat is on and I'm playing the role. When I go grocery shopping, I'm playing the 'house mom' role like a tv character. I often feel like I'm a bit character in someone else's movie, 'female shopper 3' or 'unnamed clerk' in their movie credits. Sometimes it feels like if I took a book off the shelf or picked up a product it would just be a cardboard facade, because even though it looks like a familiar place, it feels like a set.

[cawfee-pvib]

Masking is also why I feel like I can’t mix my friend group - each group seems so distinct, probably because I wear specific masks when I hang out with each of them. If they were all together I’m not sure how I would act

[yvonnem]

I notice that other conditions like PTSD, anxiety, or depression can also cause people to mask. Interesting stuff.

[Avana]

Writing this with tears falling from my face. I just came across this video. You have touched my heart and I’m soul. 36y born Kurdish living in USA and for the first time I see myself and I’m crying for my self. Thank you❤️😭❤️❤️❤️

[bluedreamer]

I literally got chills at 10:50 when you said that you tend to mask more in an uncomfortable way with people you have history with because you feel you have to maintain that established dynamic. It hit so hard. That's definitely an issue with me. If people already know me a certain way, and I wasn't comfortable enough right off the bat, I can't just suddenly start being myself around them, because they'll think I'm actually being unlike myself and wonder what's gotten into me. So, it's some of my closest relationships that it affects.

Also, love the point you made about utilizing masking to more purposefully express aspects of yourself that are actually authentic.

This is such a thorough an well-made video.

[muhammadsaqeeb]

The way you opened open up about how masking gets uncomfortable as you get more intimate.. oh man i feel so validated of so much pain thank you

[mikemcdonald]

I tried masking when I was younger by emulating behavior of my classmates in school. But people just didn’t allow me to fit in and so I was alienated for much of my experience in school.

[antisocialbear-wolf]

Was listening to this video and my brain started to list all the ways I've described this to people without even realizing it: "I fill whatever social role the group needs." Or "you just gotta set my settings the first time, like the cookies on a website." Or "I have different versions of myself for different people." And occasionally "I'm to tired to be this for you right now."

I'm seeing some similarities here...

[elinamakela]

I have 'work me' who is quite skilled at small talk and has appropriate facial impressions. The problem is that if I need to really WORK and concentrate, I forget my mask and people think I'm sick, sad or angry. When I'm unmasking at home for long enough I get more and more sensitive to small stimulus, which makes me great with animals, but I also start to resemble a wild animal and completely forget how to socialize...

[peyton]

This video made me realize I’ve been masking my whole life. Now that I’m out of school I’ve found myself unwilling to go into any social situations that I don’t absolutely have to go to because I’m so exhausted from trying to figure out who I need to be all the time. I really related to the part about the level of masking depending on the kind of people you’re around. I find that I mask much more heavily around people who are loud or very opinionated verses people who are more laid back because I’m afraid they’re going to loudly criticize me or something I’ve said in front of everyone

[doreal]

I answered yes to all except the last question. Normally, I act bubbly, but as a very young child, my mother would tell me to smile more. Now, I smile even when I am annoyed or down.

[ciaraskeleton]

My mask started to crack before I realised what was happening. I just went 'ok, I can't physically or mentally handle being social, acting normal, or following society, I'm going to do my own thing'. I knew something was up with me, I just didn't know what yet. That positive isolation essentially led me to being able to realise that yes, I am autistic. (Now in process of diagnosis).

On my own my confidence skyrockets. Being able to indulge in MY interests MY way. I realised that outside my home, I mask. Even if I really want to socialise, I mask. Hard. I exhaust myself into suicidal burnouts.

Now I'm trying to integrate these parts of myself. I want to start unpacking the layers of masks. I want to be able to socialise the odd time and not go into a full burnout after. I think telling people up front what my needs and boundaries are and letting them decide then and there if they want to engage further is key. Let the people that drain your energy go. They're never worth it. I try to weigh up whether it's actually worth exhausting myself even slightly for this person. I know it sounds harsh but most peoples reactions will surprise you!

I'm on a journey of finding people who will compromise with me and my needs. I'm not afraid anymore of losing people, cause those people waste my precious masking energy 😂 cause I don't have anyyyy to spare

[narutogoldylocks]

My whole life I have been told that I’m too serious and can’t take a joke. In high school I kept being told that I needed to get out of my shell, so I forced myself to act more outgoing. That drained me of all my energy, and in college I did a complete 180 and became super introverted with very high anxiety. I’ve always had anxiety but didn’t know what it was until college. (I graduated 5 years ago.)

Now I’m working full time, my job is hybrid, & I’m doing grad school part time online. It is exhausting. And I feel my mask slipping at work. I can’t keep it together anymore. I am getting very emotional at work because I cannot control the environment & the sensory overwhelm is INSANE. I’ve been getting a lot more angry at work & it’s like 🙃 I see my professionalism going out the window because I do not have the energy to mask or pretend like shit doesn’t bother me anymore. It is exhausting

[cssruth]

The best way I can explain masking to a neurotypical person is to tell them that even neurotypical people mask. Small children who are neurotypical, will often get home from preschool and have undesirable behaviors after all day at school being in their best behaviors. This is because they were unconsciously trying to meet school expectations all day. They didn't know the teachers and other students well enough to know if it is safe to have a tantrum at school so their safety response is to suppress it and they don't know they are doing this. Then get home and something small at home will set them off on a huge tantrum because they don't have any more energy left after all the emotional work it takes to shove down and internally manage disappointment, fear, anger, and all the emotions they have not learned how to manage in a healthy way yet and don't have the brain development to handle.

[emysu]

I’m crying. I constantly mask in order to protect my true self from judgement and to ‘fit’ into what society expects. I’m so good at it and have excelled in my career up until now. But now I’ve reached my worst burn out ever. I’m trying to learn how to let the masks go, but it’s terrifying being so vulnerable. Hope we can all heal and feel comfy being our true selves, as chaotic and messy and imperfect as we are.

[retrovelcro]

Yeah, I didn't realize I was masking until I was aware I was so exhausted after speaking with acquaintances or coworkers for an extended period of time. I engage in more small talk than usual and raise my perceived energy level around them. So tiring. I do it, partially, because I know they feel more connected to me and our conversation if I engage in these neurotypical behaviors. But I have to be alone after these situations. Otherwise, the overwhelm builds up and I have a meltdown.

[FAXN]

My mask is all about hiding myself and everything people could criticize, I don't have the energy, will and skill to fake convincingly and I think people would notice I was faking if I did. So the level of masking I use is to be decent but not to nice as to keep people at a distance and avoid saying anything that could be received in a negative way so i don't get a bad reputation. I mask all the time and don't even know who I am and what I want anymore. I have never felt that there has been any room for my feeling or thought so now they are buried so deep that I have a hard time reaching them and only feel the weight of them. I'm just a shell because i do not dare to have hope or expectations that can be crushed. I do not dare to have any feelings or thoughts expressed out of fear that if expressed to the wrong person could become the anchor that bulls me down and ends me. For more than half of my life I have just been a dissociation behind a mask, an observer of my life in 3d person so i don't get crushed under the boot that is this society we live in. I do have some hope that things can get better or i would not still be here but I wish i could be more whole and living instead of just alive.