TRYING TO GET CLOSURE FROM AN AVOIDANT EX

Many people are left confused and in shock after an avoidant attacher abruptly breaks up with them and try to get closure from them. This often doesn’t turn out well for either party and only makes it harder to accept the breakup. #avoidantattachment #breakupadvice #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachmentstyle #closure
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.

[urska]

After 3 years i got a closure from him... The one i already came to myself. Long story short, he came back to my life many times (typical FA), until i finally said enough and told him i am blocking him. He told me that at the beginning, the first time he dissapeared (literally), it was after a very lovely, intimate weekend, and the second he saw me laying on his couch, it was just too much for him... It doesn't take away all the pain he caused to me, but at least i know it wasn't just in my head, he really was crazy about me in the beginning, until we became too close... He started dating someone new while dating me, now he is already on the second girl. I say believe your feelings, it was very much real, you don't need closure from that person, and don't let them back in your life, they will just hurt you again. Lesson learned.

[chiaraA.]

that my friends succinctly says everything you need to know with a shock break up from these unhealed trauma individuals - these are words of wisdom - and in my view should help you understand you dodged a bullet from further relationship involvement with these types

[therocknrollcook]

You always nail it. My belief after a DA dumped me:
Closure is within us not them ❤

[dannywholuv]

Well said. Im 9 months out, ended so abruptly and havent spoke a word since. Its so difficult to move on without closure but i accept it will be impossible to get through a dismissive avoidant ex, after all they couldnt articulate/show their feelings in the first place. Maybe one day i wont think about her anymore

[jamesbondinspector]

I have watched so many videos on fearful avoidant attachment style and you hit the nail on the head so many times with your videos. Thank you so much for your insight and the information you provide. I have truly learn more listening to your videos and live Q&A sessions than anywhere else.

[GodHelpMe]

Below I refer to myself in the third person.
It is a transcription of a real-life encounter/experience...
A waking-dream.
One I had with Jesus...

Jesus will lead the way;
she doesn’t need to do anything.

Jesus,
what would you like to do next?

Going to sit with her on the sand...

She sees the word 'pure'
written in the sand.

It is confusing for her.

What does it feel like to go out on the water with Jesus?

It feels like a crazy ride!
Feels happy, magical, miraculous, confusing etc.
She feels secure with him,
but she fears that Jesus won’t be here forever
and she’ll be alone.

Jesus what would you like to say in response?

He knows how alone she feels, but she’s never alone,
Jesus is always with her; will never leave her;
they are a part of each other.
We are one and she is never, ever alone.

There has been someone who has been a source of pain.
I’m going to take him to see her; to unite them.

She sees Bryan who was her best friend and they are embracing.
Bryan is all in black and his hair is down and they are embracing.
There is an innocence to him and he didn’t mean any harm,
even though he harmed her so much; he didn’t mean it.
There is a connection that goes beyond their bodies;
their souls are connected.
Bryan is just trying to calm her and to let her know it is okay.
Jesus loves him just as much as he loves her.
Bryan is as much his son and she is his daughter.

Now they are transported into a courtroom; Jesus is the judge;
they are on opposite sides; Bryan and she are on trial.
Bryan is pleading his case. She is just sobbing.
She is being shown the victim she has been;
she keeps carrying that while Bryan pleads his case.
She can’t bear the pain so she just sobs.
She is perpetually in victim mode.
Jesus is smiling; watching the way you might watch a TV show.
He is detached. There is no right or wrong. Beaming smile;
tells Bryan to come over to her;
She can see light around him like he is an angel in disguise.
He is sorry for her pain. This is all part of a greater plan.

Bryan embraces her and she looks into his eyes.
Clarity beams. But her mind can’t catch up and she is confused.

Now they sit down on her side of the courtroom next to each other;
now they are on the same side of the trial; holding hands.
Jesus is just loving this – getting a kick out of it;
he is excited and happy;
but she hasn’t fully caught up.

It is perfectly okay; he sees her pain –
what her soul knows but her mind can’t catch up...
And in between the two: there is panic.

She hears him saying, I am in the waves.

What movie are you and Jesus going to go see?

She sees Bryan running toward the theatre to catch up.

She sees what Jesus wants to show her; scenes that come up;
memories that pop up – some terrify her;
they cause her panic.
Bryan is excited to watch as if it is an interesting movie.
She’s in the middle of the two of them and she is paralyzed with fear.

She sees Jesus getting her all propped up;
massaged; favorite drink, favorite food;
calm relaxed comfortable;
Bryan is okay;
She is not watching this alone.
It's perfectly okay.

She is seeing memories that terrify her;
She is constantly scared of her past;
it haunts her and it paralyzes her;
She sees Bryan loving it.
Jesus wants her to see all these things in a different way.

They are moving to the back of the theatre
where it will be less overwhelming.
Bryan is staying at the front.
He wants her to see the scenes of her life that terrify her
and that Jesus and the angels were always with her.
It's too much. She feels overwhelmed. It's confusing.
She wants to see but she’s feeling overwhelmed.
She sees that Bryan comes to the back of the theatre
and sits on the other side of her;
Jesus holds her hand and looks at Bryan with a look of knowing.
She sees herself getting smaller, child-size.
She is getting bigger now and she is sitting cross-legged.

He loves her prayer – about lifting the veil of fear -
she will see things differently.

She sees Bryan enjoying the movie because he is detached.
Jesus wants her to learn detachment.
She gets so sucked into the memories and she gets panicked.
Good or bad memory doesn’t matter.

She is seeing clear that she can just watch memories like a movie.
None of it is real; that’s the title of the movie;
dragons across the screen.
And Jesus is just getting a kick out of it;
He is watching her catch up to it.
She hugs Jesus and she cries in her arms.
She’s telling him that she is so scared;
she doesn’t want to be here anymore.

Jesus responds; "it is not your time baby girl; so much more to see
and more to do." He is going to helps her emerge from this cocoon phase
into a butterfly.

She wants Jesus to explain why he let Bryan hurt her;
to explain all the traumas in her life; she is sobbing.
She feels so much love and compassion
but doesn’t get sucked into the story.
He sees her as perfect.

Now there are so many angels in the movie theatre;
full bright, white amazing wings.
The whole theatre is lined with these angels.
God says that they are all here for you.

Bryan is still eating his popcorn and enthralled with the movie.

Jesus is so happy watching her watch the angels.

Jesus is tuning her voice – he wants her to use her voice
and to stop repressing and suppressing it.

The angels are going to help her to release her voice.
The attachment to the memories
is because her voice hasn’t been released.
Angelic music is coming out of her voice as it gets finely tuned;
now Bryan is noticing her, not just the movie.
She is being lifted higher and higher as she sings:
angelic sounds coming from her voice;
God is showing her it is time to use her voice.

She feels panic because she is the one who must do
what has never been done before; a blessing and opportunity;
a burden; it is so big.

Now he is showing her with her sister;
needs to have a conversation with her sister;
so much of it starts there – how much love there is between them.
Jesus will be there for both of them 100%.
So much will be released once this conversation has happened.

She keeps praying – that whoever God has ordained as her husband
that they be united. Once she has a conversation,
that her voice isn’t suppressed; the gifts will be released
including this ordained husband.

It is confusing. God still has work for her to do.
She is so tired and cannot do anymore,
but God is showing her the pathway forward.

She sees this man waiting for her in the wings.
The bridge between there and here are the things she needs to do –
this conversation; angels are there; divinely orchestrated.
She needs to surrender to God more and more;
hanging on is keeping her panicked.

What is Jesus doing now?

He is leaving – he is ascending into the sky;
He is physically leaving but the sense of him is deep in her heart;
a small version of himself is in her heart.
She wants Bryan to stay but he has to go too.
He kisses her on the cheek and he ascends.
Bryan has his own path.

Time to release her voice;
to release Bryan;
to have a conversation with her sister.

Jesus is lifting something out of her;
he is pulling it out of her –
she is carrying stuff that isn’t even hers
and is centuries old
and he is lifting it all out of her.

What is Jesus doing now?

She was feeling panic and an immediate desire to reach for Bryan.

God is carrying a corkscrew; He is showing her a tool.

Flooded with panic and memories and a desire to reach for Bryan.

Jesus has the tools and he can fix anything, all the time.
Turn back to him when she wants to reach for Bryan –
nothing that he can’t fix;
gentle with your heart; hold on; hold that space.
He has every tool needed to fix anything and everything.

She is giving Jesus a big hug.
She is getting a greater sense of hope for the future.
Now glimmers of hope through the despair.

At an airport and Jesus is walking with a huge set of scissors
severing the strings between Bryan and her.
Jesus is severing all those ties.

She is going to experience new freedom
without being attached by these cords.
Jesus is showing her how much more freedom.

To get to what she prays for:
to get to uniting with the man that God has ordained for her:

- Sever ties to Bryan

- Conversation with sister

- Use of voice

He has something so much greater for her.
Her connection to Bryan was just there for a time.
He has something so much better for her, a healthy connection.
She won’t be alone forever.
She is in the cocooning now
and he will help her through the work that she needs to do.

He is showing her that Bryan was a symbol of what she could have –
way more profoundly aligned with her.
He wants her to see that there is more for her
beyond these unhealthy ways.

God is going now but he is also staying within her.

A blessing from Jesus? Chunks of gold.
She is going through the fire and on the other side of the fire is gold;
gold goes through the fire.

Thank you for the blessing…

It is clear what the blessing is.
There are little flecks of gold in each memory – look for them.
He will help her find it. She sees that in each memory;
if she looks closely at each memory – they contain love.

A phoenix rising from the ashes – and she is that –
she needs to hold to that. On the other side is the gold.
They are a part of each other. He is never leaving her.

[Ryuchan]

So much truth in such a short time. Do you take sessions from Americans by any chance?