The science of love | Dr. Helen Fisher

We all want to have a good, stable relationship with somebody, says Dr. Helen Fisher. So it's important to understand how intense romantic love affects our long-term goals.

Intense feelings of love shut down the parts of our brain involved in decision-making. This is why, according to Dr. Helen Fisher, you should spend a lot of time with someone before marrying them.

Dr. Fisher believes that one-night stands, "friends with benefits," and long-term cohabitation before marriage are signs of a healthy change in attitude toward love. People are so afraid of divorce, that they want to experiment before settling down.

While marriage was once the start of a long-term relationship, today it is the finale.

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❍ About The Well ❍

Do we inhabit a multiverse? Do we have free will? What is love? Is evolution directional? There are no simple answers to life’s biggest questions, and that’s why they’re the questions occupying the world’s brightest minds.

So what do they think?

How is the power of science advancing understanding? How are philosophers and theologians tackling these fascinating questions?

Let’s dive into The Well.

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[The-Well]

What do you think is a good way to have strong relationships?

[selvamthiagarajan]

"Marriage used to be the beginning of a relationship, now it is the finale". Good point.

[Leo-mrqz]

"We're built to love." ❤️ That's a very nice sentiment. 💜

[nicky_bee]

This is so much better and more optimistic than all those relationship advice gurus telling us to keep our cool, only give when they give, etc.

[luzgallegos]

Trust, acceptance, respect, admiration, commitment, knowing how to forgive and ask for forgiveness, constantly working on personal development, growing together, doing things together, etc. In my particular case, my partner and I have to spend most of the year physically separated because he works in another country, we try very hard not to stop feeling close and something that has helped us in this is reading together the same books.

[rickholland]

This is very interesting information, and I agree with it. Relationships take a tremendous amount of work on both people's parts.
It was 1977, I was 16 when I met Penny. She was 14 years older than me. We eventually became EMT/Paramedic partners working on the ambulance together for many years. In fact, we worked the vast majority of our EMS careers together (we considered it more of a calling than a job).
We were a great team on and off duty. Suffering/sacrificing and building a successful life together.
I knew Penny for 43 great years. We lived together for 30 years, married 15 of them (I was her second husband).
Unfortunately, she passed away suddenly in May of 2020. I can tell you they don't women like Penny anymore.
I love and miss you, my wonderful wife. But life goes on.

[FreedomUninterrupted]

Sounds like empathy, grace, & accountability are what keeps a marriage going based off of their research.

[chelsea]

My husband and I were highschool sweethearts and were together for 17 years before getting married 😅.
Best. Decision. Ever.

We grew a lot throughout those years and frankly, we know eachother very very well.

Highly recommend you get to know who you and you're partner are before getting married.

[carmenacevedo]

There's much more than this... Spiritual connection, beliefs, values, knowing when to negotiate as changes comes... One key...peace is there within storms

[LeeCarlson]

Maybe people need to recognize that Love is a verb and that the only way to make it last is for both people to recognize that they have to put in the work.

[YukonFox]

Being together for years before marriage still isn’t a guarantee that your marriage will last. There are no guarantees. Both partners need to WANT it and WORK on it. Regular sex and romance are essential!

[dorothykaffjamboe]

I’m in a of almost 13yrs now, living with him with 4 kids but not legally married.
And anytime they whispered to let him marry me I tell them to hold on! Real relationships are not easy to maintain at all it takes hard work, discipline and persistence to keep it still standing, and I tell no matter the hurts, arguments and misunderstandings I will still stay with my partner or choose him over others because I have lived with him and I know him inside out then someone I have no idea of, so very soon I will being getting marry❤😊

[narcissism-masterclass]

One of the best ways to get to know someone is take a road trip with them

[TheInfinite]

Love is a universal connection between you and the light of the universe! We all share it and that's how relationships gets connected!

[sohinisaha]

Maturity comes with spirituality and that is the basis of a strong foundation in any relationship. You have more happiness with bliss.

[shrihari]

So we just need to have our cognitions and emotions harmonized💕...and that takes time

[lrzleeromanovski]

Hooking up is exploring ? When half the single people are afraid of committing and hookup culture is ruining these peoples emotions… makes no sense

[TheSkystrider]

I think this is a very good video. Eloquent, practical and likely very good advice esp the last half talking about how to invest in each other. Of course I enjoy hearing how it ties into the science of how our brain chemistry works. It helps to understand and value how important it is. Can't just think "ya that would be nice" and then not do it, like I can think I could eat more broccoli and then not do it. It's more fundamental stuff than that, which we can get because it's supported by science.

[regina_filange.]

This is all really good advice for couples that want to be together... I wish I had this wisdom with that one person I drifted from years ago❤

[genwill]

How to Help Your Brain Sustain a Happy Long-term Deep Attachment for Your Partner:

•Overlook what you don’t like about your partner
•Express empathy for your partner
•Control your own emotions
•Have sex (the more the better)
•Do novel things together
•Stay in touch (Kiss, hug, hold hands, play footsies)
•Say several nice things each day to your partner