A classical example of a toxic text message

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[sherrypopiwchak]

You know someone is toxic when just seeing their name as the text sender causes your heart to pound

[laurab]

Guys…this is the best trick I’ve learned that finally made me cut off the narcissist and never fall for their crap anymore. Save their name in your phone simply as “Pain” every single message they send you’ll continue to see Pain, pain, pain, over and over again until you finally realize that’s all you’ll ever get from them. That’s what they are in your life is PAIN. Try it please.

[bmbmbmbmbmbmbmb]

I realised I send toxic messages when I'm in a passive aggressive state. When I don't feel regulated, I can spill that into the other person. I don't think I'm narcissistic, but I needed to realise that I was doing this. Thanks for the video

[romanhalos]

It was roughly a 10 paragraph text message filled with distortions of truth, gaslighting, projecting, rage, hatred, and denial. The message ended with "Wishing you the best."

[RickJamesx]

I pray that everyone who needs a voice of reason in the times of confusion can find this godsend of a woman. She is literally making my life better one video at a time.

[ataylor]

I read, ” you don’t have to be nice to be a good person” somewhere and it has slowly helped me feel a little less guilty for going no contact.

[sarahAnn]

Seven years post-divorce and still getting texts like this. I never engage. And I view everything as court evidence.

[NorthernKitty]

When I receive a toxic message, I text them back with a cute kitten meme. If they persist, I follow up with inspirational quotes or jokes of the day. It's pretty much the way you treat any ornery infant, you dangle something shiny in front of them to distract them until they quit fussing and crying and go back to being lost in their own little world.

[yaffaNC-]

Just had that experience with a “friend”. You try to set boundaries and they attack you saying you don’t accept them for who they are and that makes me a terrible hypocritical friend. No, I don’t accept it!!

[darrynreid]

Since blocking a few people from work and some relatives, I don't get any toxic messages. Feeling left out, I asked my wife to send me something toxic, just to be social. She just messaged me with "Honey, there's a big hairy toxic spider in the bathroom. Can you put it outside?". I went to the bathroom and texted her back with, "This is the big hairy toxic spider. I took care of Husband and now I'm coming for you".
I heard her squeal and burst out laughing from down the hallway just as I started to type this comment.

[xbflrig]

Top ones I notice: Vague excuses to cancel, assuming your feelings baiting you to explain and reveal, intentional misunderstandings, superficial/underhanded apologies, crying wolf, phone dies a lottt even though it's newer than yours, random info dumping, long periods of unexplained silence... Just always feels wrong, anxiety about what to say, no flow even though you've known them for years.

[lane]

I cut off all the narcissists years ago. I read in a book a line that went something like this, “There’s nothing there for me.” That became my mantra as I read their texts or heard their voice messages. There’s nothing there for me. It was a beautiful release.

[jsdxyyp]

Abusive mother would go back and forth between violent/hateful and fake concern/care.
She never texted, but every email and phone message was like this.

When I cut her off, she sent one about a car accident that was nowhere near my house, asking if I was okay. It was then followed up by a threatening and hateful one blaming me for things she did to herself. Narcs are pathetically unhinged.

[vc]

This resonates!!! I was 2 months from finishing chemo. No energy and very depressed. Girlfriend insisted on having dinner with me because it had been too long. Mind you i had gone through 5 months of surgery and chemo. So i felt guilty and had dinner with her. I had low energy and wasn't my usual lively self. When i got home i got a text message from her: "It was really nice seeing you again and i hope to see you again when you feel like giving our friendship the attention it deserves. Have a great evening. I love you!" Whoa! I felt stabbed in the heart and made to add guilt to my already overwhelming feelings of depression, inadequacy, surgery and chemo trauma after losing my vitality and hair!!! So i instinctively responded with a heart felt apology. After watching this video though i understand how toxic that text and that "friend" really is.... She has since made many of these types of comments and each ine hurt and i didnt know why...Thank you Dr Ramani! I now have clarity!

[bookworm]

I received them for years from my mom, sister, and brother. I've blocked all three from my phone, social media, etc. I currently only have a relationship with my youngest brother. Going no contact has been amazing... I pray that everyone can do this as it has been so beneficial. I love your channel. ❤. For the first time, I don't feel alone in this. At forty-six, I'm finally healing.

[adriana]

The best is, After EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU! No, genuine people do things from their kindness of heart, not for control....

[BoniJean]

"Confused, off balance and uncomfortable." Said perfectly as that is exactly how I feel after every text interaction. Designed to get a dig in while appearing harmless to anyone else.

[AsherahYamma]

Oh my. I sent 3 messages of this kind yesterday to a friend who's been pulling back from me. I guess now I understand even more - we have met the enemy and they are us. Lots more work to do here.

[drunkindonuts]

What I notice most about toxic texts is the switching back and forth between mean and nice, unreasonable and reasonable. For me, this Jekyll/Hyde behavior is precisely how narcissists have been able to control me for years. But seeing it play out via text is quite bizarre; I mean, it's right there in writing for you to really scrutinize and study. You can go back and re-read a toxic text and really begin to understand what is happening, instead of trying to remember an in-person conversation where the narcissist twisted things.

[TheThisisit]

I receive many text messages of this type from a sibling. Essay style, all over the place, covering so many points, always wanting to be the winner and to show me what a terrible person I am. With the character assignation, telling me things about myself that no one else has ever said to me. They used to put me on edge but now I have released that and just see the messages I get for what they are. I just take my time to reply (if I do) and to ensure I don’t fall down the hole of defending/explaining myself as it’s all used against me at a later stage.