Reasons Why People Breakup | They Said 'I Need To Find Myself'

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Reasons Why People Breakup | They Said "I Need To Find Myself"
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A young lady had reached out to Coach Adrian, telling him that her ex boyfriend broke up with her because he needed to find himself. Quite often, people reach out to Coach Adrian because their exes needs to find themselves, and it’s a topic that is very common and applies to a lot of you all over the world. It's one of the reasons why people breakup and we’re here to give you guidance if you hear those words, “I need to find myself,” “It’s not you it’s me,” “Give me some time.”

One of the most popular reasons why people breakup is they said "I need to find myself." It happens mostly to women, or to people who are dating men who are not fulfilled professionally, and it can also happen to men and women in a time of midlife crisis, or when in an “empty nest.” A lot of times, this need to reinvent oneself, based on the fact that someone is not happy with where they are at this stage of their life, to where they think they would be. Many women have reached out to Coach Adrian over the years because of partners who, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, start to blame the relationship for pain, struggles, or because they are not happy with their life, or specifically, with their professional life.

And you should not take this personally. It’s not your fault. A lot of times when someone tells you they need to find themselves, believe them because it’s true. People are unhappy, and they are not unhappy because of you, or because of the relationship. They are unhappy because of where they are. So give them time and space. Let them realize that they are going to be less happy without you, than they were with the safety net of the relationship.

The mistake that most people make is that they cling on. They cling on because they are afraid to lose their partner, they are afraid that finding themselves will happen with another man or another woman. And because you stand to suck in, or take in that insecurity that your partner has carried with them for quite a while, you latch on, you beg, you plead, you start to devalue your worth, you lower your standards, you try to match your partner’s self worth just out of fear of losing them. That is a recipe for disaster. That is not the way that you want to approach this.

Bet on yourself. Focus on making yourself happy. Choose to take on that challenge of being single as well. And sooner or later, they will realize that they have made a big mistake. That they still have to deal with those same insecurities, and that you’re not there to bail them out, you’re not there to support them, to validate them.

Sometimes it takes a little bit of time. If you’re patient, strong, supportive, in letting them figure themselves out, they will come running back. They WILL come running back. You don’t have to cut off all contact, but you can’t be needy, you can’t chase. You can’t chase someone who tells you that they need to find themselves. You need to give them that space. That is the best breakup advice that we can give you.

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Over the years we have helped people in all types of breakups, separation and divorces successfully get back together, and I highly encourage you to look into out how we’ve been so successful.

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[moniacek]

This is exactly what happened to me this time last year and i managed to stay strong, 6 months after he left we found ourselves back together. It was NOT easy and you should only do it for a person you deeply care for and love but it does work and makes things better in the long run.

[Trujillo]

My girlfriend just left me for this reason and I know she is unhappy and depressed in her life. I support her and this helps get rid of the hurt, knowing I did nothing wrong and that I genuinely care for her. I don't see myself getting back with her and I hope she finds what she's looking for, without me. 😊

[phoenixrising]

You guys it's easier to accept the break up, cry and listen to music but after a while please do yoursef a favor and find something positive through the pain. Find a project, go to school, start a business and get out there and mingle with people .. All isn't lost, life isn't always about loving someone sometimes it's about your life path.

[denisemacalino]

Ah this is exactly what I’m going through. I didn’t beg at all though. I cried when he called me trying to explain himself but I just said “it’s okay, I understand. You deserve to feel free and happy. I don’t hold it against you”

[tankmerc]

It happens when they “think” they can do better and usually they can’t. Dont take them back because they will always harbor some type of animosity towards you no matter how you go about pleasing them .

[Heather-hvme]

This is great but actually kind of false. I'm on the receiving end of this as I left my partner a while back. After that I realize I was much happier by myself. The only reason I am stating this is because I don't want everyone having false hope. That their partner will come back. That is just living in a fantasy. I don't think anyone should wait around for their partner to find themselves but live for yourself... and don't get to absorb in it.

[ChicagoChip]

Yes bro omg I’m actually going through this and I’m struggling with it because I really feel like it my heart would hurt without my girl

[natej]

she told me she wanted time to herself and chill but i was never needy or insecure and she told me she wanted to fix things after her space

[dimicaimano]

stay no contact . if she wants you, she will let you know . do not feed in . if she texts you sayin " hope your well or hope you doin fine " IGNORE ….. ITS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR ..

[RobinApplewood]

This just happened to me. As much as it hurts (so much!) and its confusing because we both admittedly really Love each other, Im not holding out for her to come running back. I want her to find herself too, so that if we do happen to come back together it will be from a less co-dependent place. Some of the hardest work we do have to do on our own, so that we can be more stable and trustworthy partners to others. I plan on opening my heart to new people when I am ready, even though we still may have a good chance down the line.

[happygirl]

This video is spot on for my current situation. Thank you for your honest and encouraging approach to coaching. I believe in my heart that if you soften your approach, LISTEN and focus on being a better you, anything is possible. I’m not one to ever give up on someone who is good at the core and worth saving. Thank you again! I’ll be in touch.

[NRLJAY]

You guys give healthy relationship advice. You express it in a way that allows the listener to take in what is spoken. Not many can do that and give accurate information. Thank you.

[nodonnell]

This is exactly the situation I'm in at the moment. I didn't really understand what he meant by I need to find myself but there are certain circumstances in his life at the moment (professional and legal problems) that his dealing with. He doesn't exactly want to break up but looking for complete space. This video has given me a bit of clarity on the situation 🙏

[jaredr]

My ex doesn’t know what she’s doing when she graduates college this semester. That’s why she said her heart wasn’t 100% with us right now and that she needs to fix herself. This video hits home and hopefully, time will do its thing and we’ll get back together in the future

[bridgetgullison]

I did this to find self love. I didn’t reject him. I just didn’t know if I loved him bc I didn’t know if I loved myself. He did take this as rejection and turned cold hearted towards me and slept with my BFF, so I divorced him. Lol. Staying single since 2004 because I don’t want to hurt myself or another man bc I needed to heal my heart from childhood wounds.

[Metal_Flick]

Then they move on to dating someone else...

[vercasteagle]

My ExGf today told me that she had to end our relationship because she needed to find herself. I just told her to be the happiest she could be, and that if thats what she needs then thats what i want. I hope she does comeback but I am also done chasing for her as well.

[christinalwyn]

Thank you so much. This video is really helpful. My ex said exactly those words that he wasn't happy with me that he needed to find himself & he wanted to be sure whether or not he really wanted to be with me. I was so immature that time. I begged him & chased him. Now, it has been four months without contact, not even on social media anymore as he deactivated all his accounts & ran away. :D Now, I am on my own road to building myself again. Some days I struggle finding out what was wrong & other days my focus is completely on me. I don't even fantasize anymore abt his coming back. Anyway, YouTube channel like this, really helps me a lot. Thanks again to all the amazing coaches here. <3

[just_a_light]

I met one of my soulmates earlier I was 25...He ghosted me, I spent months angry and resentful at him for abandoning me. It's been 2years now and I'm glad he left. I was able to discover a deeper strength I never knew I had. Realizing I had codependent tendencies I was able to release them. They gave me the space and opportunity to reinvent myself. I've learned what it means to truly love unconditionally. I got to experience the grief, hurt, pain, and disappointment that comes with letting go. The process of rebirthing myself has been painful I'm glad we separated, I was able to learn and grow on my own, on my journey as well as to greater appreciate those who stuck by me from day 1 and have consistently loved me for who I am without ever letting me go. Blessed to have angels showering me with love, support, gifts, and joy <3 There's beauty in pain.

[Arenkumlkr]

My boyfriend asked me for space saying that he's going through alot lately. All his friends have jobs except him.He gets pressured by his relatives and families for not getting any jobs which pissed off his mood and later spoils mine too.. Not wanting to talk to me and saying that he don't wanna hurt me by his rude behaviour and all. His whole dream shattered when he feel sick few years back. So he's asking me to give him alone time .. Saying that he needs a long space..
I give him the space he wanted... He thanked me for understanding him and his situation.. I just told him that I'll be there everytime he needs me Or I'm just one call away..
We both love each other so much.. I hope that he'll come back sooner and I'll be waiting for him too.