Why Do Men Take You For Granted?

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Being taken for granted hurts. When a guy acts like you’re only there to serve his needs and you’ll stick around no matter how he treats you, you start to feel like you don’t matter. So how can you tell when you’re being taken for granted and why do men treat you this way?

Hi, I’m Lucy Goldman from LoveLearnings. I’m here every week with new tips to help you take your love life to the next level. If you want relationship advice you can actually use, subscribe right now.

If you’re here, then you know what it feels like to be taken for granted. When a man expects you to drop everything and be there for him even though he won’t do the same for you, you’re being taken for granted.

If you go out of your way to meet his needs, but it’s a constant negotiation to have him meet yours.

If he doesn’t respond to your messages for long periods of time for no good reason.

But here’s something many women don’t consider: does he even know that you feel this way?

Most of the time we feel taken for granted, the other person has no idea, they never even considered it. That’s why we call people who take us for granted inconsiderate. This doesn’t let them off the hook but it’s important to be aware of this if we want to change how we’re being treated.

The bottom line is, whether or not he knows doesn’t change how you feel. When he fails to show appreciation for all the things you do for him, or he consistently mistreats you and shows no sign that he cares, then you’re being taken for granted.

I know how you feel. I’ve had partners who treated me this way and whatever their reasons were, it still made me feel awful. So why do they do it?

Let’s cover a few reasons that they may be taking you for granted and then we’ll look at possible remedies.

Resentment

Sometimes what may seem like taking you for granted is really resentment. This is easy to miss because often he isn’t even aware of it himself. He’s holding onto deep negative feelings towards you that come from dozens of tiny unresolved conflicts.

This kind of resentment unconsciously puts him into the state of competition with us. He feels like we’ve wounded him and he’s trying to get even by taking more than he’s giving out. This is an effort to get back some power, respect, or love he feels he’s lost.

I think of it like having a conflict with your roommate. Say your roommate leaves the kitchen a mess. They leave dirty dishes for a week. The sink is full and the cupboard’s empty. If they suddenly ask you to vacuum the living room, you’re not likely to jump at the chance, right?

This dynamic is even more complicated in relationships because the expectations aren’t as clear cut as doing our chores and paying the rent on time. We have a million little things we want from one another that we don’t know how to express and when these needs aren’t met, sometimes we strike back in subtle ways and this just compounds the problem.

This sounds extremely childish but don’t hold it against him. This is something that we all do in our own ways. It comes from a very deep place inside that we’re not even aware of. This is why it’s so important to communicate with your partner and work through conflicts rather than sweeping them under the rug. It’s not always easy but when you respond to disappointment and hurt by closing off or striking back, it only makes matters worse.

2. You’re a doormat

If you put his needs above yours then this quickly becomes the dominant dynamic in your relationship. It’s a hard pattern to break. It’s not your fault you’re being taken for granted but it is up to you to make the first move if you want him to change. More on that later.

Some people will be as selfish as we allow them to be. While we want to treat our partners right, we can sometimes overdo it and create an expectation that puts unfair strain on us. Have you been showering your partner with gifts and undivided attention? Putting him on a pedestal like this can cause him to lose respect for you and get an inflated sense of what he deserves, all without ever being aware of it.

You know those stories where they have to take a wall off a house to get someone out because they’re so overweight? There’s always two people at fault in these situations. There’s the obese person but there’s also an enabler. This is someone who will cater to their every need and allow them to keep living this dangerous lifestyle. Don’t be that person for your partner.

You may feel like you’re just treating him nice but at a certain point, you’re actually doing damage. He needs to stand on his own two feet or he’ll always be reliant on you. This not only holds him back but it will actually make him resent you in the long run. It’s unfair but it’s true.
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