Psychological abuse - caught in harmful relationships | Signe M. Hegestand | TEDxAarhus

What makes people stay in psychologically abusive relations? Watch this personal talk from TEDxAarhus, 2019, where psychologist, Signe M. Hegestand talks about the unconscious patterns that shape our behaviour.
Signe M. Hegestand is an authorized psychologist, psychotherapist and Mindfulness Instructor. In her work, she has been focusing on psychologically abusive relations, because – as she says: “Psychological violence is overlooked, destructive and destroying.”.
In autumn, 2019, she published a book about moving on after a psychologically abusive relationship. “I want to raise awareness of how unconscious relationship patterns affect our love life, so that people can create healthy and loving relationships and nurturing environments for children to grow up in.”

[basma]

“How do you prove a crime that leaves no physical marks and the only witness is the victim?”

💔

[funsizeboyce]

I cried and cried because this is my story. No one understands what this does to you long term. It's like a slow lobotomy year after year, until you just lose your ability to think straight, And your personality has completely changed. you lose everything Because every area of your life was systematically taken away and you are to blame, not them. You become Frankenstein's monster that nobody wants anymore.
Thank you...perfect.

[debbiekillewald]

What makes people stay? People who've been abused start to doubt that the relationship is abusive. The abuser starts to say the right words or do the right thing when you pull away. Then you doubt your intuition. Then you think you're the crazy one. They call you and talk in the most sweetest voice claiming that they love you. They'll make you worry about them when they play games and ghost you. Then they turn it around on you that you ghosted them when you don't chase after them.

[jbilotta]

My mother is a narcissist & can’t see it. “You’re so sensitive” was the running theme to excuse her cruelty. You don’t have children to make them clones of yourself.

[silverarrowtarot]

Patterns and behaviors of "abuse" can be even more subtle and insidious than the ones mentioned here. She didn't even mention gas lighting which is a common tactic used by abusive people. The NUMBER one thing to sheild and inoculate yourself against getting sucked into bad relationships is tuning into your body and how it feels, instead of basing it on the persons words, saying I love you and SHOWING love are very different indeed. I had to work very hard on BOUNDARIES and saying no, and trusting my gut and iintution, to break free of old patterns of loving unhealthy people. It can be done. But it takes conscious effort.

[wanderingaudi]

I stumbled upon you today..2 marriages later and at the age of 62...I am still trying to learn how to set boundaries and how to love and be loved in a healthy relationship. I have not completed my journey and I have not been in a relationship for over 10 years. I don't think healing has an expiration date. Thank you for your wise words, they all resonated with me.

[nathanjay]

My girlfriend and step children suffered horrid abuse in a previous relationship for years and my girlfriend to suffer at the hands of her narcissistic mother and sister. I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and still helping her not to say sorry for everything and helped her get over her dependency for alcohol.

[kaylight]

Brain scans can prove emotional abuse. Emotional abuse needs to be taken more seriously.

[ajtg]

At 20 I believed that you gave everything that you have to give for love, had no idea I'd married a Covert Narcissist until my life was wrecked. I'm like the bionic woman now rebuilding myself but better... Thank you!

[SLKnoxx]

Emotional abuse has been found to cause PTSD separate from physical abuse and it appears to cause long term depression and anxiety years after they are out of the relationship. In other words emotional abuse causes major damage just as physical abuse alone.

[pallawi]

I stayed in an abusive relationship for love. Unable to see the patterns of abuse, I questioned myself, where am I wrong. I did things out of love, but nothing was enough. Till it was more than I could take. I found out there was a term for it, Abusive and toxic relationship. Somehow gathered the courage to let go. But the pain that I had given my all is too much to bear.

[pares]

Fantastic way to end. “Sometimes you need to say no to others & break the old pattern & say yes to yourself”

[maribela]

I lived in a psychological abusive relationship for 5 years, and 20yrs later I’m still trying to heal from the scars they gave me

[khrisellechelsea]

I finally left an emotional abusive relationship that was almost 5 years. Now that I took all the courage to leave, the transition of being and finding myself is more difficult than I thought. He broke me down so well that I can’t think on my own. I feel guilt for leaving because everything I felt and did was proved to be wrong by him. I know things will get better from here but it was truly a traumatic experience and will impact me for the rest of my life.

[apollobazley]

I wanted to cry listening to her voice. You can hear how scared she is to talk and how upset she feels, feeling failed by everyone

[_DREAM]

Thank God for these youtube videos. They teach me to observe for existing and possibly RED FLAGS 🚩, in relationships.
I may be still single, but I am also ALIVE and in one piece, with a sound mind.

To God be the Glory!
Praise God!

[BeGlamourlicious]

The things I did for love ❤️ and how much I had to learn that the only true love is the love you get for just being yourself. I was abused, taking advantage of many times and I endured and still didn’t get love. I don’t do anything for love anymore. Take it or leave it.

[FriesPizza]

Just because you are a guy doesn’t mean this doesn’t happen to you. I’ve been in this kind of relationship for two and a half years. I chose to believe I was more than what my partner was saying about me. The price I payed for freedom was 15 days of homelessness coach surfing. Believe in yourself and love yourself first. Don’t believe it when they say you’re to incompetent to go on your own. You can break the cycle this doesn’t have to be your reality.

[brigitte]

So much of this is true. I have had this cycle repeating throughout my life. I've also been badly bullied in my personal life and at work. The perpetrator does such a good job of turning others against you that you have no one who is willing to help you and no one that believes you. An end result of this is that you are isolated and have to find something new where no one knows the other person.

[Vixinaful]

Holy moses..Everything she says I am living. from the deep sadness and loneliness to the abuse, the childhood and the difficulties of drawing boundaries. This speech was the most powerful Ive ever seen.