5 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse You Didn't Know About | Dr. David Hawkins

Does your partner constantly disapprove of everything you do and tell you how you should be doing it instead? Everything from what you wear and what you eat to how you fold the laundry? This is one of the more subtle ways that emotional abuse shows up in relationships. While it may seem like a small thing, the constant pressure of feeling like you can’t do anything right and that things must be done a certain way – their way – can have a very debilitating effect on a person.

What makes a behavior abusive is when it is an ongoing pattern of behavior intended to control another person, resulting in a slow degradation of their identity as a unique individual rather than a reflection of their partner.

If your spouse acts more like a disapproving parent than an equal partner, and you feel crushed by the weight of their constant expectations for you to think, act and do things a certain way, it could be a sign that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.

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About

The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.

Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.

Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.

#emotionalabuse

[amathenderson]

I literally find myself telling him... "I'm not a child ! I'm 50 years old ! I've gotten this far in life... I can figure it out !"
Suffocation...perfect description.

[janeedwards]

This gentle man is a life saver. I no longer feel like I'm going mad. He's just described what I've been going through. Felt like I was going mad, losing the plot. Felt stifled, suffocated, oppressed. I know I'm not losing it...more determined than ever to end this relationship.

[Ratgirl]

Sounds like it's a mental issue that can't be fixed with the emotional abuser. Run is my opinion knowing what my friend is going through. 😢

[julievdw]

I was once so free and happy and adventurous a long time ago, even though I hadn’t had a great childhood. I got married. Slowly he took control of the money. He subtly told me how to dress. He told me what my intelligence value was through jest. He told me better ways to cook and bake. He told me how I should feel. He used up all my time. He told me how to tidy and organize and run the home. He usurped my femininity while having zero true masculinity. He told me how to handle situations and what music ‘we’ liked. He told me what to buy. He is covert, never outright demanded but so hideously diminished and dominated me. I was never comfortable, never at rest, never felt safe that someone had my back, always anxious. One day he seriously told me the right way to put a toilet roll on the holder and I thought *#@ you. I have been fighting back in various ways for years now, but every step of the way, from the abuse to trying to regain myself, has been exhausting and still is, since he obviously isn’t exactly cheering me on to salvage what is left of me.

[elainetaylor]

Narcissistic behaviour lacks empathy. CPTSD can look similar, but they have empathy.

[godzillamanstreb]

Eggshells….so so over them …. I have very little direct contact with npd sister….took yrs to have the courage to do so, thank you Dr Hawkins

[liliherndz]

Thank YOU Dr. Hawkins
From walking on Eggshells to
discovering and embracing the
inner VOICE 🤗

[KarenLeanneCreates]

I am in a crisis state. My aging, nearly blind mother is on the other side of the country, and I I am married to a man who has sudden shouting outbursts. I just came back from a trip to see my Mom, and wish I had stayed there.
Everything I own is here. I had spinal surgery 18 months ago and am not able to drive across the country by myself.
I am not able to bounce back from his outbursts any longer. We have a beautiful home and I will have to leave with a minimum of belongings, and most of my important things are business tools and supplies. At 64, it feels like I will end up a homeless old woman if I leave, and my Mom is 88. The family is expecting to sell her mobile home when she passes.
I keep telling myself to tough it out so I don't loose my assets. But I'm
Losing my health and well being. He will never get help because he won't allow others to see his bad behavior.
I don't know if I should stay or go. I really want to go, but to lose everything for my old age?

[AltheFear]

My partner has been my rock for 10 years, but at the same time he has constantly done things to stop me from going out and being with friends or being confident. Asked me not to wear certain clothes and has repeatedly told me that if I go out I will get ‘r4ped’ or sexually assaulted. He knows I have experienced this in the past. I have begged him to stop over and over yet he still uses this and brings it up, says my best friends will do it to me whilst I sleep etc if I were alone with them. On top of that I am also accused of cheating etc. I have unfortunately had to leave him but I’m terrified to be without him too, and I still love him. But the things he does and says are terrifying.

[mbonz]

Wow! Did this just hit home. I feel like that a lot with my wife

[MayuriPatel-iwxo]

I felt afraid. Punished. Confused. Eggshells yes!

[kaystephens]

The birth of a people pleaser to manipulators. "Into a way of receiving approval". From a toxic parent who made you earn love and acceptance. Yep. That explains it.

[monalisa]

I feel like I am slowly erasing myself... disappearing. Suffocating I suppose in the I feel like I can rarely exhale. I just want to breathe!!! I just want to exhale without fear or worry. I have constant anxiety even when he is not around. Constricted for sure... I would love to spread my wings and fly. I recognize my symptoms but do not know what to do about it.

[magdalena]

I am watching this cuz I am so confused right now. I don’t know if I’m being emotionally abused or not. I use fro be able to express my feelings now I don’t feel I should cuz it might turn into an argument. Now he gets so short with me when it comes to things and speaks so aggressively. I don’t know what is happening I’m so confused. I feel hurt and I feel alone. I can’t talk to him about it cuz it’ll just get turned on me or he’ll apologize and say he’ll work on it then it’ll happen again. Today he told me I should do something he can be proud of…..I’m proud of myself and what I have accomplished but then he said that. Then he told me why do I always have to ask so many questions about everything that I should just “let him drive and I don’t ask where we’re going” as he put it. I’m frustrated and confused and I don’t know what to do cuz when he talks about our relationship maybe not working out I get anxious and instantly want to hold on to it and take back when I tried to stand up for myself and it upset him. At that moment I just want to make everything right so he won’t leave me. I cry more then I have before him, I’m not happy like I used to be I feel like I’m not who I was when I first met him. I was so confident so happy so loving and strong….now I don’t even know.

[YanaHarvey-phwh]

Thank you so much David for your incredible work!! Wishing you, your family and your amazing team a Happy Easter 🐣❤️ from UK

[lindavanhaften]

I am just starting to hear all things that describe my entire married life. Some physical abuse but not alot. He has had complete control over me, exactly like you say. I have been married 51 years, this is our first year without kids in the house. 9 children
. So what does one do about it. Does it even matter any more after this long? Im 70 years old with nothing to look forward to but more eggshells and yelling in my face and punished like one of the kids.

[ronnasnyder]

So what do you do when the so-called "Christian" spouse has narcistic traits (zero empathy, love of self, love of money, pride, etc) AND is also avoidant dismissive. i.E., doesn't really care if you come or go (hasn't truly bonded in multi-decades long marriage)? Ignores you? And you know (by past history) that you're easily replaceable? I'm at my wits' end. And broken hearted by this one-sided marriage. (Yes, it has ALWAYS been this way. From day one when he told me on a Sunday, "We're getting married on Friday, bring your clothes and come. And you can pick up some donuts on the way." And then I didn't hear from him until I met him in our pastor's livingroom. Only then did I know he'd actually shown up. Eggshells from the get-go.)

[SD-iysp]

Doctor David Hawkins: My response to life was to find out how to do and not to do so I wouldnt feel so much rejection and have so many problems that others have. I observed the world and made value judgments to rule my life by. I live by a set of guidelines and it is freeing. We need guidelines like wash your hands after you use the bathroon and choose to not HATE bec hatred binds you up inside and drive the car in the center of the lane so you can swerve R or L in a 2 second time... and you can still choose to not be around the toxic person without hating them. Whats confusing is it almost sounds like -I- am narcissistic or abusive bec I looked at what worked and didnt and made rules to guide my life by. PLEASE ELABORATE. I am extremely compassionate and self-sacrificing (bot for my own supply) so honestly I know I am not a nar....please clarify.

[DrewClark-ovup]

SO much thanks, for articulating what I'm going through. I feel like I have to second-guess nearly every part of my life, just based on whatever has gotten comments, criticism and disapproval in the past. Even if it was long ago, it's still right there, in your nervous system.

[Xaxtarr_Neonraven]

If facts and logic are invalidated; if after all the struggle, we only end up back where we started, then there is no growth or progress in the relationship. If our rights and freedoms are removed and we end up fighting to regain rights and freedoms we had previously lost, where's the progress? If they are always right and you are always wrong, what's the point? There is no growth, there is no progress, there is no happiness, except what they permit. This should be the definition of emotional abuse.

It feels like repression of a will to life by a death wish, where only one way of being and doing is permitted, and it isn't your way; rather than being able to see, understand and appreciate both sides and growing together, you are only permitted what they allow and the rest must be invalidated.