Why The Dismissive Avoidant Doesn't Prioritize Romantic Relationships | Relationship Advice

Healthy and Secure Relationships with/for the Emotionally Unavailable Person (Dismissive Avoidant Re-programming Course)

In this video we will look at the reasons why the dismissive avoidants don't prioritize romantic relationships as other attachment styles do. We'll learn about tools to understand and navigate priorities in a couple with this attachment style.

---

Public Facebook group:

If you want to listen in, check out Thais' podcast here:

I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

---

#DismissiveAvoidant #Relationships #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #Love #Dating #Romance

[daisylavenderlove]

As much compassion as I have for all people, including DA's, I have to admit that reading the comments from fellow individuals in relationships with DA's about their challenges is therapeutic for me. It's very challenging being with a DA much of the time.

[annetteprestia]

One of my triggers is the feeling that my partner is picking at all my flaws and finding reasons not to be with me. Turns out, that's what the DA is actually doing. How wonderful

[rosemary]

Not only do they put love second [edit: 5th or 6th] (imagine as if they are treating you as a friend), but they do not care about who you are as a person, your interests, your drives, your fears.. It's as if you are a friend to them, as long as they spend a good time when they are with you, ask a bit about general questions, that all they need... They have no idea how romantic relationships work, and no idea whatsoever of what love and connection implies.

[howtosober]

In my experience, DAs are fine to have as acquaintances for the occasional intellectual conversation, but don't ever rely on them for anything, confide in them or let them get close to the important parts of your life. It only leads to disappointment. I wouldn't touch another DA romantically with a ten-foot pole. Just run from the anxious-avoidant trap altogether. It's not even worth TRYING to make it work, the juice simply is not worth the squeeze. Unless the DA is actively working their ass off to become a former DA- which they will not do just because you ask them- there is only one way to win with a DA and that's to completely abandon everything you need and want in a relationship and accept that you'll never get any of it from them. The FA or AP partner does all the work while the DA sits back and demands their way. Any time they don't get their way they hold the whole relationship hostage by disappearing until they "feel better."

It's like having a relationship with a spoiled toddler. They have absolutely no room for another person's existence, feelings, or needs whatsoever, so don't bother thinking you'll be able to resolve conflicts with them- they'll just turn anything you say around on you and make it all about them. It doesn't matter what a good communicator you are, anything that confronts their behavior in even the gentlest way is "criticism" in their world.

They'll sulk their way through Christmases, birthdays, and events that are important to you or simply not show up at all if they "don't feel like it, " punishing you for "making them go" if they do show up. Promises they make disappear into thin air as soon as those promises become inconvenient to how they feel or what they want, but don't dare hold them to their word because you're "not respecting their space." They spend the entire relationship competing with you and preoccupied with their "space, " never appreciating the relationship at all, but then getting mad at you when you stop giving.

They take and take all of the love you have to give and give nothing back.

When the FA or AP finally starts setting firmer boundaries and telling the DA "no" to doing all the work in the relationship, the DA gets vindictive and spiteful and sabotages everything, leaving their exhausted partner to clean up their messes while they walk away with no consequences or remorse. Many times they will pull stunts like moving out without telling you or just ghost you altogether. However they leave, it will be like you never mattered to them at all. And you will never ever get an apology or any accountability from a DA. Not ever.

FAs and APs, do yourselves a favor and just heal yourself, then go find someone secure. Leave DAs to work their shit out alone- or with each other. If you're going to bang your head against that wall trying to make it work with a DA you might as well just go be with a narcissist. There isn't much of a difference.

[cherylthompson]

Thank you for sharing.
As a FA, I can attest that loving a DA has been been traumatic for me. I didn't care if he closed up or went into his own world.
But, leaving for days, blocking me? Then coming back like nothing happened? That's just cruel. Especially when we were living together 😳

[williamdemarrais]

took a test and found out that I am a Dismissive/Avoidant type of man. This video is an eye opening experience for me. Thanks.

[loverofbeautifulthings]

Question: So if a DA always prioritizes work, hobbies, friends, family, etc., over a romantic relationship...what is the point of dating one? It sounds like if you do decide to go into a relationship with one (and of course, it takes awhile to find out how they operate) you have to be good with basically being just a friend with benefits (and even then, your friendship would never take priority over ones that are more surface-level, correct?).

[cameranserrano]

I'm not sure it's fair when people call DA's selfish, but i do find them to be totally reckless. They'll pick flight over fight and not care who they leave behind and what damage they do to that innocent person who loved them. And if they do care about the consequences of their actions, they hardly ever show it

[GeographyCzar]

I identify with this. My wife is DA leaning FA. I always bugged her about it until one day when she blurted out, "I guess I just don't have the 'deep love' you're always talking about." It's been a long journey, but we're getting there. This channel has played a big role in the improvement we've experienced in our marriage over the past two years.

[drewgilbert]

A relationship with her was almost impossible. I had to leave her. Invested time for nothing.

[neverlate]

Even if you understand and have compassion it can still be hurtful because if you wanted to be alone all the time there’s no need for a relationship. But having said that my thoughts are to be sure that we are healthy on our side With the way we respond and communicate and give it a while to see if they respond positively to our boundaries and needs. It takes two to create a healthy relationship but I guess the test is how long can you stay in an unhealthy dynamic with little or no improvement?

[sdd]

Yes this made a LOT of sense as an INFJ, and avoidant-in-recovery. : )

[Rose-ouug]

I am an INFJ And fearful avoidant too 🙃

[coreykuefler-terweeme]

I don’t like how the DA uses childhood trauma as an excuse to hurt the person they are dating or their ex. If their deepest round is rejection why do they just hurt other people who try to help them and offer them love? I feel like they act really reckless and sometimes can be selfish, and not consider the harm they do to the other person. Kinda a lot of hypocrisy. It’s frustrating to understand sometimes. If someone isn’t ready for a relationship they should stick with that and not fuck with other’s feelings.

[roshalllambert]

Loved this video. Especially her enthusiasm and I love it when she does personal shares!

[Dji-djo.m]

I never trust that concept Of being dismissive avoidant simply because it depends on whom the girl is dealing with. She s simply not into you. Accept it and move on. It s not easy but that s the truth. The same girl will be open, show interest in another relationship. It s also a question Of value. It s a deep question. The answer is not necessarily conscious. But when you are not her first choice, then she is dealing with you with logic not emotions. But if you were her first choice then emotions will take over. So forget about dismissive avoidant...

[jaredvaughan]

Thanks for telling me you are an INFJ. Nearly all the self help relationship Youtube videos I watch are from INFJs or ENFJs.

As an INTP INFJs are my benefactors in a Socionics beneficiary relationship. And it shows.

[ariadne]

Thank you for sharing this part of you with us… us FA / DA AND INFJ see the work you’ve done and we see hope

[tashawilliams]

I feel like there's too much pressure put on being in a relationship and others try to make you feel like your life doesn't mean anything without being with someone.

[dave]

Bingo! Through a lot of introspection, and looking at childhoods traumas, I operate very much like the “terminator”. Provide and protect, with little to no need for emotional connection.