How To Communicate your Needs

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
#katimorton #therapist #therapy

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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[marleighjoy]

I had a car accident last year that sent me into a panic attack and it was a bit of a mess because I tend to get non-verbal during attacks and EMTs and police generally don't know how to handle people with PTSD or other mental illness, so I made a key tag for my car keys that says: "I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and experience panic attacks under stress. During an attack, speak calmly and don't touch or crowd me. I am sensitive to loud noises and easily overstimulated. If I'm not responsive or am overly agitated, contact my therapist (info on reverse)" and then I have my therapist's name and number on the other side. This way, if I'm in an attack and non-verbal, I can just hand them the card and they know who to call and how to behave around me to keep from making things worse. I also wear a medical ID that says (among other things) that I have PTSD and that I carry a medical id card in my wallet, in case I can't remember medications or other important info under stress. It really helps me breathe a lot easier.

[daphnemelody]

If there's anything I've learned from my personal experience with sharing my struggles with people that care about me it's that you need to be prepared for their reaction. Understand that they care about you so they might get emotional, upset, scared, etc.
It's important to try to remember that they are not attacking you. If they get upset it's not at you it's at the situation & is probably because they are scared. If they don't want to believe it or they try to tell you that it's no that bad it's probably because they wish it wasn't happening to you & it's easier to ignore it. Remember everyone reacts to things differently and everyone has their own struggles that might affect how they respond to things.
Hope this helps.

[luticia]

You are so young but honestly one of the best therapist I know! There are so many therapists out there who passed their exams with As but have aboslutely no idea of disorders and how to communicate and treat their patients. They are just not talented. You are, definitely!

[annaspringbear]

Really great advice. A problem I had implementing this recently was with the doctor. I went to my GP with my bullet points, and he said, "No, I just want to hear things from you in your voice." I was in a severe depressive episode at the time and could barely speak, it was a real struggle, and maybe he was right in some ways to make me speak out loud, but after somehow clawing through all the barriers I'd come up against to even get to the doctor that day - i.e. waking up, getting dressed, leaving house, using transport, waiting an hour to see him - it felt like he'd just put up yet another barrier for me to try and overcome, and by that point I was exhausted. I might tell him all this at our next meeting.
Anyway, thanks for this Kati :)

[eliciagarcia]

I appreciate Katie's vibe in these videos. When I watch her talk about anything I feel healthier from watching her just cause she's positive, relaxed, respecting, and a bit goofy. She's one of those people that make you feel good just by their vibe. Anyone know what I mean? I think we take in other peoples vibes a lot more than we are often conscious of.

[pillutten]

I got help by a teacher to tell my best friend about my selfharm. By then I had hidden my selfharm for almost four years, nobody knew that I was still doing it and my new friends from school didn't know at all. The teacher had seen that I was not doing well and confronted me about it but I denied everything, but she said that I could always come to her.
So a couple of weeks after that I sent a message to her on our schoolplatform and we decided to meet and talk the next day. But I could'nt tell her so she had to guess for 20 min before she got it right, then she went and got my best friend and she told her, and that was it.
But after that I have managed to tell several other people by myself, and I can also show my arms to a handful of my friends. So telling my teacher was just a start to living a little bit easier, I don't have to hide anymore amongst my friends and I don't have come up with these ridiculous lies why I can't go swimming and so on. I was lucky to have such a great teacher, and if you have someone to help you communicate whatever you have to say I think that's a good first step, can't rely on that person forever but it's a great way to start!

[spooky-woof]

I plan on giving my parents a letter explaining what's going on with me. I find it hard to explain things clearly to my parents since its so personal plus they aren't the most understanding. I've been planning and writing it for 3 years now. I plan on going to my boyfriends house, and the day I'll be going home I'll tell them to find my letter and read it. So that when I'll arrive home we'd talk to about it. I think a similar plan like mine could be useful for some of you who also have a hard time explaining in words :3

[g.l.]

Thank you sooo much for this. The key for me is to plan the time to talk ahead of time. Text that person and say that you want to talk to them and pick a time and date. Then they already know what the conversation will be about and you don't have to just interrupt them or bring it up at a bad time. They'll already be in the mode to listen to you.

[LadyPeters]

oh my gosh, i miss these bloopers at the end, you're too cute Kati!

[jackystar]

I haven't talked with my mom about what I've been going through yet. I've asked her about her mental health and I also asked her that if my siblings or I needed a therapist she'd be supportive and she said yes. Honestly I'm surprised she hasn't caught up to what I've been trying to tell her. I really started to think about telling her when I heard one of my childhood friends got diagnosed with depression and was getting the help she needed. I have tried to tell her I want to talk to a therapist but she said it was because I didn't talk to anyone and I just needed to make more friends and be social. After that I was discouraged but recently I've been so close to telling her. But whenever I work up the courage to tell her I second guess. I tell myself I'm probably faking it or that it's probably all the stress from school and it's not that serious. I also think about how my mom has so much to deal with that making her worry even more would just make everything worse. After that I don't tell her and just keep dealing with my problems. I'm the type of person who doesn't like talking to anyone about anything serious. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell her what I'm feeling. My family is getting ready for vacation and I know now is not the right time bug I need to do it soon. I just don't know if I can.

[LadyPeters]

Even tho this is from almost 5 yrs ago, super applicable, and I can't believe I haven't watched this before, I took so many notes! I definitely need to get to journaling... I had thought about doing bullet points like this for meeting a new therapist, and I kept thinking of it before falling asleep but never remember to actually start doing it. Thanks for another great video, I'm going to hunt around in the archives here for oldies & goodies! You're the best Kati! <3 xoxo

[saraadair]

i tried to open up this way with my sister n law (of 15 years) who i adore her children and it worked one time. I was vulnerable and said that my heart was moving to ask to talk, even if it was on the phone once a week to try to get to know her and then her and my brother (who use to be my best friend since childhood) moved and they had all of their friends involved with helping and she never responded to continue to talk. I feel like she punished me and I can never do right. Then the vicious cycle of anxiety and depression hits and I'm emotionally exhausted that i don't even try to reach out. But i do want to say thanks Kati for being YOU :) i have been a huge fan and i appreciate all your videos of help and wisdom. I'm sending you positivity

[cristinafrick]

I think this video is greatly helpful in many ways- fortunately all the people in my life are helpful and good listeners so I'm very blessed. Please ALWAYS reach out to someone if you need help!

[elisecode]

One of the most difficult conversations I’ve had was when I told my boyfriend (at the time) that I’m aromantic. I initially told him over text, which maybe wasn’t the best idea, but let me come back to that. So I started by simply defining what it meant (not experiencing romantic attraction towards any gender), then I emphasized that it was just my orientation and it had nothing to with him, I cared a lot about him and liked spending time with him but not all the time and we talked about what kinds of things I was and wasn’t comfortable with doing. At that point I felt like the hard part was over and it would be helpful to talk in person, so we did. Sometimes people won’t understand or will take something personally, so I tried to prevent that from happening, and luckily he was understanding and had genuine (neither offensive nor defensive) questions. I know it can be hard to bring up and you may think it’ll make things worse but you deserve to have the situation known, and the other person deserves to know about it. (If it concerns them. Some people don’t deserve or need to know about what’s going on in your life and that’s fine.) Whatever happens then is what’s supposed to happen. Good luck.

[TheCutie]

Kati, by crisis what exactly do you mean? Like what do you classify as a crisis? Just

[PaulaMMH]

i have been trying to make my family understand that i have been struggling with mental illness for a long long time and that im not making things up so they stop telling me im dramatic, and an actress and that i like playing the victim every time we argue and i want to make my point straight and they dont listen a damn thing, they say "you dont get anything, its hard to talk to you, i dont understand what you are saying"

[o.o]

Sometimes we don’t know what we need in a crisis. Or we need treatment but it’s unavailable because we don’t have insurance and don’t want to go into massive debt. Which the thought of that often adds to our crisis. For example I’ve been struggling with anxiety that has me housebound, suicidal thoughts, and self harm and I want treatment but have no insurance and the thought of having such massive debt especially when I am already a burden on family and unable to provide for myself just adds to the reasons that it would be better for everyone if I would just hurry up and die.

[andagain]

Asking people to switch off the TV when their favourite show is on in an already disfunctional family sounds to me like a recipe for disaster.

[Livebreatheatsleep]

My. Barrier is that I am afraid the other person will over react. I am too afraid to tell someone about suicial thoughts, incase they suggest I go into hospital or back to intensive treatment. But I don't feel that I need that, just support and understanding that I now have tools to help myself so I don't act on the thoughts.

[dragonffrind]

What do you do when you don't know what you need from them?
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