Struggling to communicate in your relationship? Try these 3 things

If you are struggling to communicate in your relationship, it’s likely due to what you experienced growing up.

Chantel avoids conflict. Her parents fought a lot and eventually divorced. Then her mom married a guy who didn’t argue, he just wouldn’t talk for days.

How you deal with conflict is a pattern. Chantel learned to avoid conflict from her caregivers. “Fighting is bad, just leave the room.” Chantel wants to be able to communicate differently, but she doesn’t know how. She is stuck in a pattern that’s not her own-- it’s her mothers. And it’s making her miserable. It’s giving her the opposite of what she wants.

The good news about patterns? They can be broken and replaced once you see them. They began with someone else, but they are yours to break.

In this video I give Chantel (and you) 3 simple things she can do to catch herself when she withdraws (the pattern) and start to teach herself how to stay, to feel the tension and face it (new pattern).

If you feel stuck or trapped in some area of your life, I guarantee there is a pattern from your childhood to blame. Patterns aren’t personal, they are just… patterns. Break the pattern and you’ll free yourself. Pattern spotting, pattern breaking and pattern creating is how you break free from a life you don’t want to be living and start to create a life of your own.

Start here: what pattern of behavior is holding you back from being happy or self-expressed? Who modeled this? Start to break and replace it and you will not only save your relationships, you’ll reclaim your life.

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[rushikeshjagtap]

Few of the best parts of this video
1: pattern part
2: recognising by nervous system part
3: to be respectfull while a bad conflicte or argument
4: I statement part
Telling how are brain works actually let us love this video more and connect too

[muntmunt]

Thanks for sharing Mel. I love your applicable recommendations.

[agustinalarriera]

hey mel, here Agustina, from Buenos Aires, Argentina... It´s amazing Mel, beyond all that bossy assertive style of you, you are such a fightful sensitive and smart soul!! All the love and best for you and your mission!!

[sammylove]

I am finding this so helpful! Listening to it while doing the dishes.

[rayna]

Thank you so much for sharing this Mel. 💗
This short conversation brought about greater self reflection and will serve as the beginning of change that’s really needed to happen for a while now. I am going to reach out to a counselor to learn how to implement new communication choices.

[briana]

This is so helpful and inspiring. THANK YOU

[traceywilson-kissoon]

This is so incredibly helpful, thank you Mel x

[MeenaAdnani]

Awesome video. The human mind is fascinating. The reason we can’t get out of toxic relationships or break a pattern of communication/relationships is because we have developed the habit to be ourselves. Sometimes we know what is the right thing to do or say but we don’t do it because r can’t break the habit of being who we are. One very powerful technique that works for me is tuning in to the situation as an observer (raising my awareness) and making an objective decision on what would be the right thing to do. And then I do exactly that no matter how hard it is. It is very empowering when you know how to break the habit of being YOU. Get out of your own way ❤️

[nio]

What a shame it has been to have such disappointments as parents. I am actively ruining my life because of the patterns that are embedded into me.

[salonsavy]

I suffer the same way, , in silence, ,

[thegamingrelish]

I find it hard to communicate with my girlfriend. Sometimes going out for a meal together is uncomfortable because we both just sit there in silence even tho we both just had fun at the water park before hand. I want to hear from actual people who have had bad communication and then managed to turn it around. Need a bit of hope

[Christinelife]

Mel, I love watching your videos!!!
My communication issues are similar to Chantel's here...
Thank you for sharing!!! Your tools are very powerful!!!!
P.S. can you be my therapist?

[Amwhoiamhischild]

I've been married for 16 years we have two beautiful daughters and an angel son. I would love to talk to you about this same topic. We have been having trouble for years now.

[deeuk]

Hi Mel, yesterday I had a video conference call for work and I felt quite uncomfortable, but just tried to stay confident when it was my time to speak and give an update. I felt stupid afterwards and then kept thinking back to things I did or said during the call and it even came to me at 5am in the morning. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed these days with the work and although I’m grateful to have a job, I’m mentally struggling with WFH and productivity during the day. Just offloading here but if anyone has similar anxieties please let me know. I just dread every day I wake up to work now. Any tips would be much appreciated. I will try to fight through but just feel crap.

[toniasmalley]

So what if you grew up with many different " patterns"?
Parents, both, married several times each.

[jdmchickkustomz]

Well my house was completely opposite we yelled and screamed and so now I get into yelling and screaming with all my partners. 😩 I wish I could break my pattern

[juliehillshafer]

Mel... Why why why why do people not understand what RELATIONSHIP means VERSUS INTIMATE (someone in our circle) AND INTIMACY (the one you WANT to grow with). There is no real understanding of the "rings" of the TREE OF LIFE... 💗🐢

[jdmchickkustomz]

Mel I really want to talk with you so bad