What can make a narcissist become a narcissist? ? The Narcissists' Code Ep 730

what can make a narcissist become a narcissist? Is narcissism hereditary or does it come from somewhere else?

Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.

The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.

Thank you so much

[kelly.nicole]

Child neglect. There’s probably a ton of additional reasons but childhood neglect is definitely one of the top ones

[memoirsofmoon]

I had a friend who was sexually abused around 5-6 and from there being introduced to that sensation so early . He grew into loving and entertaining multiple women, being promiscuous. Passing notes to multiple women in middle and high school . And in his adult life he’s never been faithful, loves to lie, triangulate, manipulate etc. when we used to argue it was like arguing with a child . His father also wasn’t in his life. And then he lost someone close to him. Even his actions have affected how he is able to interact with his children because of things he’s done to the mothers . Blames everyone else. And like you said sometimes it’s like he’s two people . One with reason and the other is a challenging person.

[JennaLynn-EmpressCoach]

It's interesting that you say "before 7-8" because what happens prior to that age, is what sets your foundation for how you view the world.

[bobbiefritz]

Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde is how I explain my husband’s personality

[Moniece]

I understand and agree. Hence why I originally tried to support my Nrc but when he didn’t want to get help I had to leave. I come first. But I do agree about the Trauma

[angelahart]

Thanks Lee. But I have a few friends that had very traumatic childhoods. But they are not narcissists. Will keep this all in mind in future.

[kimrothery]

My ex hated his dad for many unhealthy reasons. My ex said many times he doesn’t want to be anything like his dad but sadly he’s a spitting image of him. Being the eldest and a male his dad totally attacked him mentally. This led my ex on a very dangerous path of abuse, validating. He used having sex with multiple people to get validation and to get his power as being a good guy. He went to jail for stealing. His dad gave him up while his friends fathers bailed them out and no jail time. Just a few examples of his childhood.

[miraclehands]

I just broke up from my npd fiance. I learned about his and his older brothers' childhood. I Iooked into what happened bcuz I lived with his older brother and had the opportunity to ask questions about their upbringing and observed his own mindset and behavior. . My x boyfriend was both very idealized AND severely neglected. His older brother was not neglected very much but he was told he was so superior so amazing so idealized. The best gunman, the most tough man, etc. They were "Golden Boys." This unrealistic false image causes NPD as well I found out. And they both have NPD. It could be also that the mother was not a caring woman, selfish. Perhaps she had NPD as well.

[ecwilliams]

I think "narcissistic personality disorder" is a scale and some of them (like Lee) are towards the bottom of that scale. The very fact that he's self aware enough to analyze his thoughts and actions separates him from the vast majority of other narcissists. This can potentially be very dangerous because it can give some victims a sense of "false hope" that their narcissist can get better. I'm not attacking the channel nor it's content, i think it's a great service to the community.

The "two sides" of the same person thing that you mentioned is imo the worst part about narcissism. If the narcissist was shitty all of the time the victim would leave and the abuse they would suffer would be far less. The fact that the narcissist knows how to behave kindly and does so at opportune times shows that they are concious of the fact that the bad behavior isnt acceptable.

Regardless of how a narcissist is formed the most important thing for victims is to just get the hell outta there. You can't fix the narcissist, all you can do is protect yourself and hopefully stop this demonic possession from continuing in your family

[angelaeastwood]

My husband's mother was a abusive Narcissists when he was a child .And he has learnt that unhealthy pattern over time and he is one himself. He never took ownership because his mother never did either. He does what his mother use to him he did to me and our children. I am an extension of his own life in many ways.

[annenew]

Spot on. Definitely childhood trauma is the answer to many narcissists. Basically the cognitive thinking has been split cause of the severe trauma.

[stacy]

When my ex drank some but not too much he was a different person. He acts less narcissistic and is very loving and affectionate, but too much and the narcissistic side really comes out. I wish he would help himself.😢

[acat]

Appreciate your insights. My ex had so much trauma in his childhood. Definitely neglect and worse. I think I gave him so much leeway because although my childhood was far from perfect, it was far healthier and more supportive than his. He always had terrible trust issues that presented itself in odd ways and and an extreme need to protect himself which I couldn’t understand because I didn’t think our relationship warranted that level of distrust. I can totally see how neglect + trauma could result in NPD or at the very least toxic traits.

[nicholecornes]

My husband was definitely a golden child! Hell yes neglect is abuse! 😢

[lillianjacobs]

That childhood neglect is mind bending. I know a narc who’s mother intentionally withheld fundamental needs from her son to spite his absent father. In this case I highly believe that she deliberately neglected her sons educational and medical needs. There are just too many obvious behavioral issues to ignore that he may have also gone through something traumatic as a child, straight up.

[JenSumma]

I’m definitely a narcissist. Wow. I wanted to see myself as a victim because I was one in childhood. But I did some really messed up things to people because I was angry.

It took me having a meltdown (burnout + complicated grief) to lead me down this path. It was so weird to see medical professionals look at me and treat me like a zoo animal. I could see the fear in their eyes because I wasn’t able to keep on my mask.

And it’s today that I can finally see it. I just wanted to finally accept that I had narcissistic traits back when I was diagnosed with them (in late 2022). I genuinely wasn’t able to see it because it was so covert and I was so anxiously going though life.

As a medical doctor and scientist, I think that there’s an environmental and genetic component to the disease. I noticed that my anxiety decreased once I avoided my diagnosed food and skin allergens. It helped me calm down so that I could become more introspective. I also went no contact with my family which dramatically allowed me to reset. I say all that to suggest that maybe calming down our nervous system can help us heal. The methods of calming is so vast (eg mindfulness techniques, DBT, exposure therapy, anti-inflammatory diets).

My therapist is trained in trauma and I thank her for skillfully getting me to live above my the veil of consciousness. Now to figure out how to adult and stop being a douche.

[gluckskeks]

My Ex was the golden child. My mom and my dad also. They all become extremely narcissistic. They were loved and supported in each way from their parents and everything they did was great even if it was bullshit.

[liatleah]

Lee!!! My favorite self aware narcissist ❤ utmost love and respect my guy ❤

[anjaliv]

But not everybody who had trauma ends up being a narcissist... y

[Stardustpal]

I like the bottom line, it doesn't matter, its your responsibility to not be a jerk 😊