Covert Narcissists & Triangulation| How & WHY Do They DO THIS??

For those that don't know me my name is Michele Lee Nieves, I'm a survivor myself of narcissistic abuse, I'm now a trauma informed coach and a somatic experiencing practitioner - I'm also the founder of the School of Transformation - where I meet LIVE on ZOOM w/ survivors and we do the inner healing work together:

Ok so no offense to people that like to fish but we can say that narcissists are like fishermen in the sense that just as fishermen change bait so as to catch their fish, narcissists will change whatever manipulation tactic they are using so as to be successful in their manipulation. And so today we're going to dive into their toolbox and pull out their tool of triangulation. Narcissists love triangulation with the goal to divide and conquer which when we look through history this is a very successful tactic. For example causing divisions can break apart civilizations, think about the Roman empire one of the reasons it fell was due to the internal divisions. So bottom line causing divisions is a powerful strategy that creates tremendous distruction from civilizations, families to the internal destruction of your self esteem or self worth and narcissists know this. And so one of the way they achieve causing divisions is with triangulation. So lets break it down In this video I want to talk about what IS triangulation, I want to give you examples of different scenarios to help you notice it - especially with covert narcissists triangulation can be subtle and then last but not least if you feel like your a victim of this emotional manipulation you will want to watch to the end because I will give you some tips that can help.

#rumination #narcissism #narcissisticrelationship #emotionaltrauma #toxicrelationship #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissisticfamily #covertnarcissist #triangulation #emotionalmanipulation #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissisticabuserecoverycoaching

[infiniteplaneradio]

This may sound crazy, but my covert narcissist triangulates with the dog. The dog is the golden child I am the scapegoat. The dog isn’t housetrained yet if I leave a book on the floor I am reprimanded. She lavishes affection upon the dog and turns her back on me when I speak. Her love for the dog seems exaggerated and performative likely an attempt to spark jealousy in me. This behavior used to confuse me and now it makes me sad that someone could be so pathetic and manipulative. I would do anything to escape this, With the exception of letting her win. I don’t just leave because I would be destroyed. She would wreck everything ruin every relationship burn every bridge. I just gray rock, observe, and study this thing whatever it is. I’m not convinced they have souls.

[ean]

May God bless your efforts and knowledge.

[zygknnd]

narcs do not believe in God, higher power - so when they are close to exit - u they have fear - I have witnessed it myself and this fear is deserved and well earned. They are just coming back to their master, who will take care of them properly

[wendyapfeldorf]

The overtly narcissistic parent will be hard-pressed to make a scapegoat out of their covertly narcissistic spouse, who will not offer reactive abuse. The covert will play the victim. The overt will scapegoat a child who will offer reactive abuse, and this child will also be scapegoated by the covert in insidious ways. The overt’s golden child will be turned against the covert by the overt and will be abandoned by the covert unless the child specifically seeks out the covert. The covert will select their own version of a golden child who is neither the overt’s golden nor the shared scapegoat, and the covert and this child, who is a budding covert, will have their own measured, watered down version of the narcissist-golden child relationship dynamic.

[jasonjones]

Great video Michele everything seems to be a game with these people.😋💞

[blasme]

The narc is calling triangulation, poly now.

[tzivier]

So painful, but so true. Narcs will use any tool to continue their bad behavior without having to change.

[sunshinedayz]

Thank you Michelle..Have you ever noticed that these tools in the narcissist toolbox are also used on the the citizens at gooberment level? Once you see it, You cant unsee it..

[KleeKaiPuppies]

In the narcissist’s smear campaign of me, he convinced a lot of people that I was the perpetrator, and then he recruited people who used to be my friends into rescuing him when he’s the one who caused all these problems in the first place.
Narcs are really twisted.
I went no contact with all of them and I do not miss them. What that narc did was sick and wrong.

[johnm]

I experienced the opposite to the scenario where the narc is mean to you when you are alone but OK to you in public. In my case my narc mother was somewhat encouraging to me when I was alone with her but dismissive and flippant with me in front of my brothers. I never understood the dynamic until many years later, when I realised that she had been pleasant to me in isolation to gain to gain my trust, but had triangulated against me with my brothers and had to maintain the narrative when they were there. This realisation explained why I could never get on with my brothers no matter how hard I tried.

[wendydaniel]

They are always looking for you to prove loyalty to them..

[HamletsMill]

The biggest Trojan horse is TRIANGULATION.

[marcydrake]

Thank you so much for putting this analysis together. You are the first person I’ve seen accurately describe the dynamic in my home. I was the scapegoat parent, and I’ve been desperate to be understood. It’s brutal, but hearing you call it out and describe it so clearly is a healing moment. You have helped me so much over the past few years as I’ve tried to come to terms with what I’ve been dealing with. I’m so sorry you experienced covert narcissistic abuse too, and I’m so glad that you’re here sharing your hard won knowledge with us. ❤🙏

[acustomer]

My ex was an expert at this & also at provoking me. Or I should say I wasn't aware of the dynamic & fell for it. After 15 yrs, I quit giving him drama & conflict. He quickly started having an affair. He seemed to be using this as a master triangulation ploy, as if we'd fight over him! But he wound up divorced from me. Never been happier

[Aj.]

Thank you Michelle ❤ I recently faced this problem . Narcs in my life pick me as scape goat/ prosecutor. Feeling sad has why I give these vibes . They think I am easy target ? I don’t set up boundaries or standards? Not sure why they think my kindness as a tool to exploit. Not sure how to put them in their place in group settings where it’s not easy to overlook . Can you please make a video on how to protect ourselves and act when we are placed in these roles ?

[SheilaChung-rtiy]

Thank you again for your support Michelle ❤

[jodimo]

After 20 years marriage, he took everything, home, cars, things, and 50 % kids. I walked away with peace. And, my hew husband, Almighty God, took great care of me. 20 years later, I'm a new woman.

[Sasha-ynj]

Thank you..I recently noticed my narc mom’s amor with my husband: sending gifts and calling him at work..I blocked her on his phone..she said nothing

[MonicaGunderson]

I feel that MIL pit the in-law family against me OR she was trying to get my husband and I to divorce by putting us against each other.. MIL created a smear campaign, telling in-laws, and my husband that I was faking my painful and disabling autoimmune disease (Ankylosing Spondylitis) and being immunocompromised (and continued to do so during the Covid pandemic). She even had my husband (her son) so twisted that I almost left. The thing that broke the camels back, my husband told me, "My mom has a hive mind and knows you are faking your autoimmune disease". I pulled out all my medical documents, including MRI, x-rays, Blood-Work, all the evidence. My husband collapsed crying and saying "I am so sorry" cause he realized his MIL lied and was being covertly abusive towards his own I am currently No Contact with MIL and in-laws and in trauma informed therapy and managing C-PTSD. I also have survived past child and teen abuse, this situation had retraumatized me.

[JE-mdtm]

Thank you Michele 💜 This explains so much! Great knowledge, so relatable!