What is 'triangulation'? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[tigerprayers]

I live alone and sometimes feel a little lonely. Then I listen to a few minutes of Dr. Ramani, and I don't feel lonely anymore. I feel grateful, free and blessed.

[mamacitasalsera]

My ex's favourite game, triangulating me with other women. Never again will I allow someone to make me feel worthless and "less than", it's humiliating and destroys your self esteem.

[christianbivona]

I once dated a narcissist. I literally used to accuse her of manufacturing chaos. Now I know I wasn’t crazy! Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge of these awful people.

[kevinseraphimday]

They treat their children differently while frequently announcing in mantra-like fashion, "I treat ALL my children the same!".

[drewsibleyloans]

I am amazed that narcissists personalities have such similar traits and tactics. As people we are all so different but narcissists are so similar in so many ways. Do they all go to the narc convention and share stories?

[QueanaIvory]

Exactly! Putting me in a competition or a game that I never wanted to play in the first place.

[growthonlydegree]

Sometimes they don't even compare...they just bring the different people in your conversation again and again, and you start feeling like may he/ she misses the other people and aren't happy with you.

[uxygchi]

In my experience the triangulation and comparisons start during the lovebombing phase of a romantic relationship. People don't notice there's a problem when they are being favourably compared to others.

[robynlund]

My mother was an absolute genius at triangulation. She very definitely pitted her children against each other, and I was horrified when I realized she did the same thing with her grandchildren. The consequence? Nobody really trusted anyone and no one is close. In fact, the family is pretty much finished. I personally don’t miss it! Contact was always very stressful for me, as the main scapegoat.

[saltoftheearth]

I just let out the most awful sound and my dog freaked out. I just cried so freaking hard. I have been searching for this. I thought I was the problem and that I was just crazy and jealous but... omg, I feel much better knowing that this is a real thing. This is exactly the thing that we’re happening. When you started describing the woman at work, women on tv, etc I just felt release. I thought I was alone in this. He called his ex wife a Barbie and he told me that he really liked heart shaped faces but that he liked my shape too for some reason... and things like that which started to make me feel so insecure about myself.

I feel so robbed. He’s not the first to do these things. I feel like my confidence, my sanity, my innocence even... (because of sadistic things in the bedroom) the list goes on. I need to talk to someone and get some help. Some days I’m ok. But most days I feel hopeless and like the world is just a dark and scary place.

Thank you so much for this. Please know that you are making such a difference.

[cassiecat]

I didn’t realize the mere act of treating 2 kids very differently in a family is triangulation. My family only communicated through gossip behind the back of whomever wasn’t there 💔

[QueanaIvory]

Exactly. It’s not right to pit people against each other. And yes the narcissist will spin it like they’re the “savior” whole time they’re in the middle of it all gathering their amusement.

[Hawelufamily]

One of the worst things my ex Narc said to me to triangulate was “you will never be enough for me”. When he was cheating. Now I refuse to be triangulated by removing myself with no contact and breaking soul ties.

[sarahmarie]

I thought I met my soul mate, but it turns out I was just love bombed by a narcissist 😂 we were together for just 3 short months. Thank goodness I have been doing a lot of internal work over the last 3 years otherwise these tactics of triangulation, gaslighting, blame shifting, etc. would have done some serious damage. It’s crazy just how skilled at manipulating that these people are. I didn’t see that he was doing these things to me until I caught him cheating on me with another girlfriend!!! And I got over him fairly quickly once I realized that the person he portrayed himself to be wasn’t real. He doesn’t even know who he is. It’s tragic, and I truly wish him healing.

[arlenegonzalez]

It’s crazy how I went through this triangulation process for years and didn’t see it until the end! I was hospitalized twice because of everything they were putting me though. Thank the Lord for getting me out of that toxic family!!!

[genevalawrence]

I grew up with a mother who is an expert at triangulation. As children, my brother and I played her game because we didn't know better. As adults, without knowing what to call the game, we recognized that we had been played for years, and we made a pact - we do not believe anything our mother tells us about the other sibling.

[QueanaIvory]

That recognition and attention is a hell of a drug, which is why some people go to very frightening lows to vie for the favor of the narcissist, even when it means abusing or mentally destroying another person. It’s scary because in some ways they believe they’re being valiant. They think they’re vanquishing the enemy... Whole time the enemy is the one setting them up to do their dirty work. It’s a sad sad occasion.

[pmmac]

This strikes me as the most potent weapon of the narc. It ultimately ended my relationship and I had no clue about narcissism at that time. I couldn’t stand the continuous competition any longer and realized I would never win.

[vocalcoachgina]

A narcissistic mother can also use triangulation between the scapegoat and other siblings and even the other parent to make herself appear to be the victim of the scapegoat so the others abuse the scapegoat for her. Even physically. True story. I should know because it happened ro me.

[QueanaIvory]

Will straight up have groups of people hating me that I don’t even know... and that definitely don’t know me. And sometimes it’s people I’ve been cool with (or at least I thought we were cool) that all of a sudden want to come for me.