Couples That Trigger Each Other's CPTSD Reactions: One-on-One Coaching with Anna

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[DeannaFaye]

Something I struggle with is that I tend to fall in love with people who also show signs of dysregulation and I don't find myself as attracted (if at all) to people who are just sort of baseline secure. I'm attracted to people who are usually avoidant. I'm able to mostly regulate my emotions nowadays which has been a blessing, but I still struggle with this thought "I'll never be understood by normal, healthy people who have no experience of trauma." But I think I benefit from experiences with secure people who didn't have crappy childhoods.

[nectaria]

Story of my life.
I'm 44 and I just learned about CPTSD. You worded my entire drama. I listened almost all your videos in two days. This is huge and I start to understand what's going on with me for decades.Thank you.

[joycethevoice-joycefarrell]

These regulation techniques are totally founded by sensory integration principles used by occupational therapists with children and their sensory disregulation. Excellent approach! Thank you Anna for all you do to educate and help people.

[sallymattiaccio]

I found your site recently. You may change my life. I have suffered with this my whole life. I'm 62. A survivor of many forms of childhood abuse. I will follow you now. I have become very isolated. Thank you so much for giving me hope. I flash back daily. Many memories surface daily. I beat myself up all the time and think I'm a bad person. Now I feel like I can maybe understand and learn to temper my irrational thoughts and behavior. Bless you Anna.

[donnaabram]

Anna I am absolutely speechless…I had no idea that I was actually over reacting and as a result of defending myself in a false reality that I was constantly zoning out to escape. I literally subconsciously set the stage to leave every relationship at 5-6mths or 5-6years…I leave them before they leave me. Currently I was triggered causing deep wounds of exploitation, abandonment, shame, guilt, neglect and devaluation you’ve given me the tools a name for my dis-regulation. My husband and I are definitely trauma bonded and trigger each other this helps tremendously thank you I appreciate you more than you know! I see my husband in a whole new light he is not apart of the pack of wolves chasing me…

[brennanleyen]

This helped me so much. My husband has so much trouble regulating himself and if I cannot get past my own dysregulation we end up with horrible fights. He has ended our marriage 13 times- by telling me (yelling at me/stomping away saying I’m a btch and he is DONE- that he wants a divorce- since I found out about his affair 19 months ago. We have two small children and I’ve been trying to keep our family together. I’ve been fawning for most of our relationship and when I can’t take it anymore I fight. He fights and then flees… he thinks he has no problems, no “baggage” but he has been emotionally abusive toward me and physically and emotionally abusive toward the kids. I’m exhausted. I can’t sleep. I keep trying to figure out how to leave him but I just cringe at every scenario because I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I promised him my loyalty, but he has broken every promise to me. And I’m so raw. So hurt. I am in a hole of desperation. Thank you for your work. I’ve watched 30 videos of yours at least and my sisters and I have found a route of healing. Thank you so much, Anna. Mahalo from Maine.

[corissamuntean]

I think you may have just saved my marriage. Not knowing our problem is that we are triggering each other without even realizing it. I’m bawling right now. I learned so much from you today in one day than I have in therapy for 5 years. Why didn’t I find you sooner?? I’ve never felt so understood until today. Thank you for UNDERSTANDING. I have felt so alone and misunderstood in my whole 31 years of life and you have given me hope.

[MichelleFarrismft]

What a wonderful video - I see that fight mode a lot in my practice ( and personally as well ) and the one thing I would say is don't beat yourself up! This is opportunity to look at our reactions and be the agent of change like Anna says. I love her daily writing exercise - I find writing helps us do a brain dump and can even help you sleep. It's really the best way to vent safely.

[FriskyTendervittles]

I like to think of them as a teacher
If you are both self aware and self reflective you can absolutley heal individually, together.
Triggers are helpful because you can decipher WHY you are reacting the way you are

[sarahvalle]

I'm soooo grateful that people like you exist, Anna! It reminds me that there is still faith in humanity after all because despite all of our crappy childhoods and continued relationship problems due to that intense anxiety of abandonment, I love how you highlight that having awareness is not enough, but you go above and beyond and actually give some real tips and advice that have work for you that worked when I've tried stuff from your channel, and I don't do this very often but I really really wanted you to know how much you touched my life and have helped me in all of my important relationships, just spreading that beautiful energy of love acceptance in empathy as fellow human beings, you're deeply appreciated. ⚡🙏⚡

[chocolatekay]

I’m sick and tired of being in a marriage where I’m just tolerated and I’m tolerating the other person. I want more from a relationship. But I don’t know how to leave.

[RoadRunnergarage]

Might be one reason I avoid relationships.. I'm afraid to trigger someone else....

[Liduniya]

Ana, because of your channel I got rid of my problems. Thank you so much

[kathleenbrady]

Your insights are so helpful. I've done years of therapy and meditation but your clarity and simplicity of expression have really helped cut through to the nub of the issue. Childhood trauma was never mentioned in any of my therapy or healing sessions but I can see now how that's my issue and with your tools that specifically address this, I'm feeling so much better 🙏🧡

[sergeantchick]

As I started listening to your videos last week I can’t believe, I’m utterly in shock, that you speak as if you know me. I thought I was in my own private hell constantly pushing people away and getting into relationships with people who don’t really love me, but at least they stay. Angry, depressed, tired all the time. I’m honestly stunned. I’ve been in therapy most of my adult life and never have been told this and no one has ever mentioned CPTSD. Thank You. It’s good to know there are other people out there dealing with this successfully with the proper tools. Are there any support groups for CPTSD?

[Catbooks]

What a great idea! I'm looking forward to seeing your new mini-coaching videos.

I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, but looking back I can think of two I was in where we triggered one another. Two dysregulated people, who have no idea that's what's going on, having a disagreement, is never going to go well. Now I know, I'll be better able to spot it in others, in myself, and have a much better idea of how to handle it.

[veronicaatkins]

This is such a healthy conversation ❤️❤️❤️

[lisacurtis]

When you talked about when someone important to you is mad at you go back to childhood and are afraid of being abandoned. I'm saying me too.I'm afraid that I will lose everything that is important to me (my kids, a place to live, etc.) It comes with a panic attack. I'm sorry that it happened to you and others, but I know that I'm not alone. So in a way I'm not alone.

[lenilove]

I am definitely going through a situation like this where it caused me my recent relationship. It is definitely devastating and is so worth the going through the healing. I pray for those feeling like this. CPTSD is so pricey

[revabbyjoovitsky]

I can relate/resonate with Sarah. My over reactions did trigger the last person I was dating. When I asked for a "break, " he may have heard "breakup." I did not reassure him that I would be back, but I never stopped texting, and I shared my clips of your videos with him because I am not sure he will watch all of them in English. My note was simply, "her (your) videos have helped me." I did not label him. I wrote than I think we both have CTPSD, not anything more really, except that we cope in different ways, he avoids, I pursue, this scares him more, he avoids more....I found it interesting that your husband is like that as well, he also gets overwhelmed by your emotional reactions when you get triggered, which triggers your abandonment. A year ago, I was overwhelmed with the abandonment because of my circumstances (explained in other comments). Now, I know I am here for myself, so it's not as big a deal, I don't need him. I just want the connection back. He does know "I am working on it." I don't know if he is "working on it, " because there has not been any dialogue since April, no really meaningful conversation since February, but for some reason we're both still in the same town, still single and we have not blocked one another (at least not permanently). You give very good advice, much better than the "therapist." Thank you, Anna.