r/Bestof I Married a Murderer

0:00 Intro
0:12 Tough situation
5:19 Awful husband and SIL

[QuayHollywood]

Rslash just gotta say this. A person can grow up in a great household and still come out an abuser of their own choices. They MAKE the choices to lay hands on someone. It's not always a taught thing.

[NinjaBoy]

Story 2: gotta admire the testicular fortitude on OP's mom to deadass say "you can start actually living your own life once your sister isn't a single mom anymore" and be completely serious about it. Glad OP ran while she still could.

[PiskeyFaeri]

Abusive men don't always come from violent homes. The common denominator, regardless of culture, age or ethnicity, is that abusive men are entitled. From the point of view of someone who believes he could and should be entitled to everything and anything, asking that of your partner and getting enraged when you don't get it makes sense. To the abuser, it feels like righteous anger. It can be anyone, anywhere. The best way to stop it is for men to call other men out on shitty behaviour.

[dracko]

Story 1: You know, I'm not sure if I should commend OP for being very patient with him. If he put his hands on my throat or shoves me in public, I would treat this as assault and defend myself. This will be the first and FINAL strike.

[darkmask]

Story 2: My eyes widened when the mother outright admitted they expected OP to be the family nanny until "your sister isn't a single mother anymore", like thats not OP's kid, the sister is the parent's kid, and sister needs to grow up, get a job, and stop being a failure at life.

I agree with rslash, OP making doe-eyed assertions about really sounds like she's internalized the abused. Girl, they ignored you and forced you to pay them so your sister could lay on her ass and ignore her kid.

[marylowther]

Had an uncle who used to put his hands on his wife's throat. He did eventually murder her. OP needs to break this off, period. She needs to literally run for her life.

[SteviiLove]

First story; I know someone who was in a similar style relationship although not religious and she's dead now; he murdered her in Houston, lied and then killed himself. Her name was Alexis Robinault Sharkey. Her mom was our 6th grade teacher, we shared the same birthday 1 year apart. She was killed 2 months before our birthday in 2019.
Please don't stay if someone puts their hands on your throat; if they do it once, they will do it again but it WILL escalate.

[Hybrid]

Ok, that guy is doing enough gaslighting that he could illuminate Victorian era London.

Run, Girl!!!

[CupcakeFairy]

It’s ok for first hubs to drag his family into their fight but not her?! Girl leave now

[deborahdicesare]

I can tell you from personal experience that when a man puts his hands around your throat, it’s as serious as it gets. There is no counseling or therapy that’s going to help a woman at that point. She NEEDS to get out, run and hide.

[quintecence]

My family is arab-muslim (me not so much) and if my mum found out any of us was being abusive, she'd rip us limb from limb. This isn't super typical of arab/muslim families for being supportive of abuse victims so it makes me super happy that OP has so much support, including from her abusive husbands family. OP needs to cut and run from this dude.

[shadowmewfred]

1st story: as someone who was diagnosed with severe depression three times what your husband did isn't a stress response it's abuse pure and simple

[prnzssLuna]

Story 1: Girl, run. Seriously, run.

Story 2: Go no contact. You're definitely not the AH. Get your scholarship and completely block any contact to them. They're manipulative parents and a manipulative sister. RUN! Realistically you've never had a family, you've had slave owners.

[TheticDarkZelda]

Story 2: Mary's the one who got pregnant. That kid is 100% her responsibility. Mary needs to grow up and get a job. Your parents are enabling this behavior. OP get out. That's not your kid. Yes family should help but only if they want. Go live your life.

[areyoufauxreal]

That man is abusive, straight up. I REALLY hope OP doesn’t legally marry him and gets out of that incredibly unsafe situation

[bibigamer]

I have a feeling that OP’s family in the second story don’t care for OP at all outside of what they can provide solely for the sister and nothing else

[d.phantomfan]

Story 1: His own brother is telling you that maybe you should break up with him, and I have to agree. It's one thing to be pushing you but putting his hands around your throat is a threat that cannot be ignored or forgiven. Personally I think you should end the relationship, I don't believe he's going to change, not just because he flat out told you he wouldn't but look at the elaborate lie he tried to tell his family when you told them he choked you. How anytime you try to talk about these issues he try to put some of if not all the blame on you, how he's been doing this for months and it took his family finding out to even pretend to want to change. OP if you want to see if he can change then that's your decision, but I recommend you do not get married until you absolutely safe with this man, not I'm sure, not he's making progress. Until you can say I am positive that he is a better person that will never put his hands on me, is when you can consider talking about a wedding, and if he ever slips up even ones it's going to have to end. I cannot stress this enough, do not marry this man until then.

[leahporteous]

Story 1: Sometimes, upbringing has nothing to do with behaviour. Sometimes, people just suck.

[d.phantomfan]

Story 2: OP don't worry, that feeling of not belonging will eventually go away when start to build a connection at your college, I felt the same way my first year until I made some cool friends. More importantly the more freedom you have away from being your sister's meal ticket, the more you'll realize you never want to go back. Also get ready because when your parents eventually realize you left for college they will start blowing up your phone talking about how selfish you are for not revolving your life around your sister.

[silverflight]

Story 2: What the family needs to recognize is that OP's life should not revolve around her sister. OP has a life to live, and her sister being a single mother shouldn't be entirely in the way.

OP doesn't have a place in her family anymore. They only want her there to be her sister's 24/7 maid or something