How longing keeps us from healthy relationships | Amanda McCracken | TEDxCU

As a 40-year-old virgin, journalist Amanda McCracken realized she was addicted to longing for love. When she began investigating the neurological, psychological, and cultural forces that get us hooked on anticipation, she realized she wasn’t alone. In this inspiring and informative talk, Amanda uses her personal story and research to illustrate how longing can become self-sabotaging and how to change your patterns to realize your dreams, whether it’s a relationship or a trip to a foreign land.

[dhouhababa]

healthy love happens when we are not in a position of weakness - when we are not afraid of loss and when we are not waiting for someone to fill in a gap in us. Longing for the hero is an illusion, a mirage. it would be better if the person works on themselves and get rid of addictive attachement.

[coolbreeze]

Longing is another way to say "it's not the destination, it's the journey". I've been on a spiritual path for the past few years and have trained my brain to live more in gratitude than longing for what I don't have. The same way she said longing is like a muscle, gratitude is also like a muscle. You gradually begin to not crave the drama or the dopamine of pursuing something fleeting but can be centered and calm, cultivating and accessing that love within yourself.

[gemmini]

I need to watch this once a day everyday until it sinks in

[fido]

8:28 “Neuroscience says that our brain is actually wired to crave what we don’t have…that’s why studies show that our brains release more dopamine when we’re planning a vacation rather than actually taking it”

I think a lot of dopamine releases when recalling experiences like vacations taken in the past relative to the realities settled in, hence the longing and its effect as well.

[MONARCH_FLIES]

“What happens when you find that you would rather feel pain than nothing at all? You allow your heart to hurt bad enough to make a change.” -11:11

[yy.unlimited]

"you allow your heart to hurt bad enough to make a change." 😮‍💨

[devibhagwatiyoga]

Thank you. What a beautiful conclusion: learn to receive love, not to long for it

[Prejuhs]

Longing to be nurtured tbh. This video hit me more than my parents did💀

[aurorarostenila]

That's why we need to stop longing and be grateful in the present moment.

[treees]

What a fantastically cool, calm and intelligent delivery of a topic that is very difficult to talk about. Can apply to almost everyone in some area of their life. Thank you!

[jdatu]

im learning to love without the yearning nor the expectations around it, it's so freeing

[susanbingham]

Absolutely wonderful talk. So honest. I have been a crush junkie for years myself. I am 80 years old now and much stronger and wiser, but the habit remains in muted form. Despite that, I have been married to a wonderful man for 55 years, which seems like a miracle, though the poor guy had to weather those “affairs of the heart”. I even went to AA for relationship addiction, and it helped tremendously. Again: thank you so much for this absolutely excellent talk.

[fishercourt]

The Rom-Coms we all watched in the 80’s & 90’s, were all about the chase and the main character was the only person who mattered. If you rewatch the romcoms again, look at the characters that surround the main characters. What do they all have in common? They all live through the lens of being the main character’s life coach. They do not have meaningful relationships and they all have one role to play, being the so called sibling or best friend that helps console the main character and to always support the main character, no matter how badly they are treated.

[wenami]

Nothing wrong with saving the goodies for someone who respects them and respects himself.

[aaronshields]

that cross sectional chart, I teach that to dog owners(as a dog trainer), Avoidance is a pathway for dogs to be decreasinginly tolerant and more sensitive/reactive. To the point of creating mental walls where dogs appear fearful and may start to fight any attempt to create tolerance. Behavioural retraining is required to first become aware of avoidance by all parties, then block and or redirect the avoidant behaviour : interrupt , physically block/restrain from running away and relax into a calm position and or move directly into a different behavioural ritual. Food doesn't necessarily work to rewire the brain around anxiety. It sometimes becomes a crutch to cope and numb the anxiety. Knowing how to apply proper timing to food rewards is important. What we ideally want is exposure to the source of discomfort. To process the feelings of vulnerability, we have to feel close to it(not necessarily physically touching the source). It can be assisted through trying to redirect attention into some other action that at least requires your hands(physical movement) and enough complexity to distract the brain. This is generally true for dogs and their owners.

[Fairy_Tales__Victorias_world]

I really enjoyed this video about longing and its effects on our relationships. Amanda McCracken shared her personal experiences and talked about how society can make longing feel addictive and not so good for us.
She questioned whether longing is the answer to our unhappiness and reminded us to believe in our own worthiness of love. Her message about going with the flow of life and letting go of control for healthier relationships was powerful.
It's a great reminder to appreciate what we have and not always wish for more. Thanks for sharing this insightful perspective on longing and love! 💕🌟🤗

[drevnii_sound]

wow such an interesting insight on longing! I'll have to think more about it, as longing has been such a bug part of my identity. And now I see how it can become an addictive neurological pattern. I long for love so much that I end up avoiding it, so I can feel a spike of dopamine again and again.

[Mindsetolympics]

Really happy a woman is speaking up on this. Glad to hear someone being a thought leader regardless of culture, and standing on not wanting to give your body away. Because hook ups and FWB relationships are really backfiring on women it's ruining the potential for meaningful relationships....

[eleasebarrow]

How beautiful! I hope that my future daughter marries a man who has been raised by a woman like her-- one who knows the beauty of waiting and being waited for, and knows how to say yes to imperfect, but healthy and good. I hope to be this kind of woman when I marry and raise my children, too.

[valeriebarnett]

Very enlightening..needed to hear this. Explains why I scroll and 'collect' art tutorials just hoping... longing to be better Artist. BUT not doing the work. Light bulb moment thank you.

I do hope many others listen, take note and go forward away from LONGING .