Autism and the Wounded Inner Child - Why Autistic People Fear Criticism

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I explore the theory that your #actuallyautistic partner, friend or family member may be living with a wounded inner child. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences on how it can impact relationships with others. #orionkelly #autism #autisticadult #whatautismfeelslike #woundedinnerchild #asd

⏱ Index
00:00 - Wounded Inner Child
02:24 - What is it?
09:34 - Causes
17:51 - What you can do

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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD

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⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️

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[relentlessrhythm]

I recently found out I'm autistic at 22. I was punished physically as a child and learned to hide my emotions completely rather than Speaking up. I was not allowed to refuse affection and making boundaries is still a struggle.

[knowhere]

I experienced daily criticism, anger, belittling, and rejection for years...Best described as living in a waking nightmare.

[plantarcristaeM...]

I was left in the crib as a baby, & remember someone smothering me with their hand when I was crying. I stopped crying. I was diagnosed at about 3yo. My parent had the doctor call Administration at the hospital, & remove it from the records, because they would not "take a retard home with them". I was told to hide who I was, even from them. I was repeatedly locked in my room & left there until I couldn't even move, where I retreated inside, & eventually went to a playground in my mind. My brother used to pull me out of my room, & have me sing outside, sobbing, apologizing that he didn't get me out sooner. I think my parents might have been asleep. It took everything I had, to leave that playground, & come back to reality. I'm trying to unmask; I'm soo tired of hiding, like it's the Holocaust & I am a Jew, hiding in the walls of my own head. The struggle is real. The burnout & meltdowns are real, & are coming more frequently, as I fight to find myself. I have lost nearly everyone, & I am sinking alone into my room & into myself. I feel trapped inside myself & my trauma. I have no idea what true connection is, except with my son. I am so terrified of being exposed & hurt, so terrified of being myself, that I preemptively push nearly everyone away, & go numb. I've been severely abused my entire life, & honestly don't know what the other side (love & acceptance) looks like, feels like, smells like, etc. I've never felt more alone. I'm locking myself in my room now. Inside myself. It was how I was taught to deal with my ASD & cPTSD.

Orion, thank you, for sharing yourself. It is such a kindness & charity, to share who you are. Thanks for the lifeline. I feel less broken & more human, more hopeful, more accepted, just by watching. Thank you for giving a voice to those, like me, who feel voiceless.

[karolinaska]

I was discouraged from expressing difficult emotions. My grandmother would shush me loudly and sarcastically shoot down my words as exaggerations. I remember trying to argue back but she would just get louder until I gave up. Made me question everything I felt. I assumed this made me super humble to always assume I could be wrong, but actually now I see it's my inability to trust my inner experience.

[tforceraven]

I experienced a lot of emotional (and at times physical) abuse throughout my childhood and then recently had certain family justify that abuse because I was a "difficult child". I agree that I was difficult, the world has always been overwhelming and a struggle to navigate so as a result I would act in ways that were probably hard to deal with for a parent that doesn't want to deal with it. I understand that but don't see how that is my fault.
Emotions in my family have always been seen as bad and I was never allowed to feel them or express them. For the last few months, I have been opening up about things for the first time in my life and I never realised how much all of this was affecting me.

[cazridley]

I’m lost for words watching this, I have never in my life resonated with anything I have watched as much as I do this. At 51 I’m starting my diagnosis journey but with an AQ of 48 I’m pretty certain I’m on the spectrum. I had to literally run and show my husband yelling “ This” when you said every time you have a negative exchange with your wife you assume that’s it ..divorce, leave the house, they hate you ..that is literally word for word how my head works I literally hit the internet to look for rental accommodation! Thank you so much for making me feel less weird and less alone …

[MLX]

Thanks for also speaking about the less upbeat autism-related topics ❤️
There is so much "tadah autism is my superpower" fluff online... I do undestrand the request for that but honestly, constant anxiety and fear of rejection do not make me feel super-anything. Just trying to cope.

[everybrainauniverse]

I connected this phenomenon with C-PTSD. I don’t get defensive as much as quietly expect abandonment, and I think I used to think that the people in my life would wise-up eventually and leave or retreat from the relationship. This video is too true. Lol.

[michelebriere]

I was that kid in school who was always bullied. Weird, chubby, covered in cystic acne. It took me a long time to realize that life doesn't revolve around me. Things became better, slowly, as I learned to communicate. Things are still evolving, even at 57.

[annerigby]

I knew someone who if I started a sentence with "you" immediately went on the defensive, as if the word "you" was in itself an accusation. It made conversations difficult until I figured it out and then avoided the word "you" since I was definitely not intent on accusing the person of anything. Dealing with a person with that problem is like walking on egg shells and it took a very long time to learn how to navigate their form of communication. This person also seemed to have a win-lose perspective on everything. In a conversation or a difference of opinion, there had to be a winner (the one who was right) and a loser (the one who is wrong) and I spent an enormous amount of time trying to convey the idea that there isn't necessarily a wrong or a right, just a difference of opinion... opinion, not fact, and that only facts can be wrong or right. I don't particularly care about being right or wrong, I care more about being heard and understood. I can accept that someone disagrees with me (amazingly, I am not always right!) but find it hard if someone is not hearing/listening to me and assumes I am saying something (based on what they think I am saying) that I am not. frustrating!!!! Does anyone else get this? this sense that the other person jumps to the idea that you're saying one thing before you have finished laying out your thought and then responds to their own idea of what you're talking about?

[raven]

Got all that bad treatment in my family. And most of the time I didn't even know what I was getting punished for. When I asked they'd say I knew. I didn't have a clue. Society wasn't much better. Bullying at school and work... And yeah, the assumptions and accusations people make reading between lines that aren't there. I am currently working on inner child healing. This was really, super helpful and validating.

[cskellum]

“pre-programmed to always feel criticized” - bingo

I’m def the quietly compliant one. The combativeness is mostly internal. It either gets bottled up or I get passive-aggressive

[barbaramoran]

Kids need to be seen as blessings not problems .

[CraftyMamaBean]

This video hits so close to home. The 'why are you like this' and never knowing why... constantly getting told off and again just not understanding why 😮‍💨

[darkstrifequeen]

Lately I’ve been watching a c drama called till the end of the moon and was able to see myself in the “devil god” character because of my childhood trauma on the autism spectrum. It’s a really good c drama and everything he’d been through is exactly what autism feels like.

[cory]

I know this must have been hard to share but thank you, I've felt the same way for most of my life. A history of not fitting in and being rejected, only to finally form real relationships in adulthood leads to major rejection sensitivity. I thought I had BPD because it was so bad at one point.

[MartinMCade]

Once again I see a video about autism that makes me say "Hey! This is me!!" I have no official diagnosis but a lot of evidence pointing this way.

I spent so much of my life in environments where I was expected to perform, not just like a neurotypical person, but as a high achieving neurotypical. Consequences of being diagnosed as "gifted" at a young age then left with no help and resources because I should be able to figure things out if I'm "smart." By the time I was a teenager I felt so wrong and broken inside that I forced myself into a highly inappropriate career because I felt a strong need to fix myself, or to be fixed by education, training, and environment.

I ended up at 35, not just with a wounded inner child, but with a continually wounded college student, young adult, and approaching middle aged adult.

At least I was able to spend the next 20 years in a work environment (IT and software engineering) much more suited to my personality and how my brain works. It wasn't perfect, but better.

So thanks very much for this.

[BaskingInObscurity]

"Your punishment at times was physical." My mom used to tell us she should just spank us every morning to get it over with. I threw my belt in the dumpster before second grade so she couldn't whip me with it anymore, and refused to wear another until I was in high school. Just to add to the fun, she was my biggest bully from before I can remember things. Worst was that she made fun of my physical attributes. Small wonder I developed CPTSD and had to diagnose other things before finally reaching the conclusion I'm also autistic… in my fifties.

[elephantchang]

I'm moved to tears thinking about my 11 year old self.

[TommyBrum]

Oof. This is a heavy topic. So many relationships have come and gone due to the inner child's wounds. I need a hug after this one. Thanks for the wonderful teachings, Orion. I appreciate you.