Grief, it's Complicated.....10% of the Time | Susan Delaney | TEDxUCD

Speaking after her TEDxUCD 2016 talk Dr Susan Delaney said, “We tend to hold strong opinions about grief; how long it should take to heal, what helps the grief process, and whether every grief is complicated in its own way. During my TEDxUCD 2016 talk I outlined why our views are sometimes at odds with the research and discussed the concept of complicated grief and the new approaches that are being developed to treat this misunderstood condition.”

Dr Susan Delaney, a clinical psychologist, is Bereavement Services Manager with the Irish Hospice Foundation (IHF). She is a member of the International Train-the-Trainers group at ColumbiaUniversity’s Complicated Grief Programme under Professor Kathy Shear and has spearheaded the training and treatment for complicated grief in Ireland.
Susan was awarded the title of Fellow in Thanatology by ADEC (Association of Death, Education and Counselling) for her contribution to the bereavement field and is the Editor of Irish Stories of Loss and Hope, published by IHF.
The IHF has a long standing relationship with UCD. Therese Brady, who was Director of the MSc programme in Clinical Psychology at UCD for many years, founded, and was honorary Director of the bereavement services at IHF until her death in 1999. Her legacy and the collaboration with UCD continues through the Therese Brady Library at IHF, and the Therese Brady Scholarship.
Susan undertook her undergraduate and postgraduate st

[amazingyear]

“Death ends a Life NOT a relationship. If someone mattered to you in life they continue to matter to you after they pass.” ☑️

[JackKokah]

Never thought it would be this hard and scary, I feel that I'm a child lost in this world without you, mother.. It's been only 2 days since you passed away.. This is brutal, it's hard to breath and think that I can move on with my life without hearing you and hugging you and see your beautiful and worm smile.. thanks for everything mum, you have sacrificied everything for me and my brothers.. I hope to see you again soon, I love you mum ♥️

[simplyme]

I woke up on my husband's birthday. He was just coming downstairs from feeding the cat. He walked into the kitchen and I didn't hear him so, I followed. I saw him on his knees with his hands grasping the counter with all his strength. I tried to help him stand up but, I wasn't strong enough. I laid him on the floor and I didn't know what was happening. I looked into his blue eyes and I said, I love you. He mouthed, I love... And, he died with my hands on his chest. I just listened to this lovely woman talk about Mourning. I went with the ambulance to the hospital and I watched them try to revive his body for 5 and 1/2 hours. But, he had died in our kitchen. After I did everything he asked me to do if he was ever in this situation, I had to tell them stop. His body was twisted and mangled and I had watched them drill holes in his femur just to get more access to his blood. I went home without him. I lost my life. We were everything to each other. And, nobody came. I have been completely separated from humans because for their own reasons, my family never showed up. I've had to figure out how to live and how to survive without the love that I have never even imagined being without. I lost 30 pounds in the first 2 months because all I could do was eat bread and butter. I don't know how I'm going to keep the roof over my head and I don't know how I'm going to have the means to go to the doctors and worst of all, I don't feel human anymore. My heart is broken into a million pieces and yet, I've only been able to cry for the last month. I was afraid if I started crying I would never stop. In a way, I was right. I've cried every day for the last month. Our lives were so entwined. Our favorite thing to was to sit talk to each other. Last night was the worst. I didn't have anyone to call. Nobody's coming to give me a hug. It took me almost two months to beg and borrow the money to have him cremated. He sits on our dining room table. I always told him that I wanted to go first. I didn't get that wish. So, 9 months have gone by and it feels like two weeks. All I know is that this hurts so much that if anyone I love loses their partner in life, I will run to them. Even if they don't want to talk. I will never let them be completely alone. I just can't understand how to live anymore. I just know that I can't rush through this pain. I have to walk and sometimes crawl and other times curl up in a ball. About two days after he passed, I thought to myself, where's my casserole? Sincerely, Carmela

[rothutbiene]

GRIEF
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Jamie Anderson

[freyallarganswald]

I was diagnosed by a psychologist as having complicated grief syndrome
. I lost both my parents 3 weeks apart and had nursed them both for months, watched them both decline while I felt impotent as there was nothing I could do to ease their suffering or halt their progressive illnesses. All I could do was ensure they knew they were loved and cared for 24/7.
The guilt I feel is terrible . I was ill myself ( Crohn’s disease ) and was admitted to hospital, as a result my parents care was taken over by social services. Dad admitted to hospital Mum to a care home. My dad died less than 24 hrs later. He was in same hospital as me so at least I was with him when he passed. Mums heart broke and she gave up fighting her illness. She declined rapidly and three weeks to the day ( 2 days before my 50th birthday) joined my dad
. I have to admit the experience broke me, I plunged into deep pit of despair, guilt and grief. It’s been 2.5 years now and with the help of councillors, hypnotherapist, my gp and family I feel I’m back on track.
It’s been extremely difficult, by far the worst experience of my life.
I have contemplated ending my life on numerous occasions, it’s only the thought of further hurting my family that’s stopped me.
Each day has its challenges it im back at work now and trying to move forward. I have very little zest for life but I’m sure that will improve too in time.
To anyone who has read my experience here, to the end, thank you.
Namaste

[deborahdansante-white]

Thank you! Finally, someone understands...My mother died, suddenly; my husnband died, less than 6 months later; 2 weeks later, my sister told me her cancer was back - this time in her lungs and liver and brain and I was her caregiver. She died. My brother died next. He drowned. He was my only living relative as my little boy died from conjunctive meningitis, 35 year as ago, He put his little head on my knee and I knew. I rushed him to the hospital. I left him there. It was that quick. The rains came to Louisiana and I lost our home to the water. With the water, my finances and my future. And yet, thru all of this I was expected to "rise above". Trust in God. Get on with it. Move on. I was told I could not grieve properly unless I grieved through the 5 stages or else I am self-centered and I have no faith. Who believes this nonsense... I grieve because I am only a human being.

[fluermor..]

My mama passed away 3 weeks ago, one moment she was having a nap next door, half an hour or so later I told my daughter to go kiss her goodnight as usual, but by that time my mama was already gone. There is no pain that could ever described this. If you still have your Mama cherish them, there is no one on this earth like your mama. Without them your world is completely changed forever. Rest in peace my queen 💗

[dragonfly]

I’ve been a widower for about a year and a half.its gotten alot better, so hang in there, because it’s gets better.god bless.

[Ellierua]

The thing is, when you lose a parent, you sort of lose the other too, they are not together anymore. The duo is gone... I found it so hard losing my father suddenly, but I lost my mam too, she'll never be the same...

[SandraRamirez-kwjz]

Its been 32yrs since my husband died and it still hurts . I have good days and bad days . I dont think you ever get over the loss of a loved one. Ive just learned how to make peace with it and im so greatful for my time with him and keep him a part of me everyday its easier that way.

[ashleyduncan]

This is a beautiful talk. My mom died in a car crash last year, 3 months before my wedding. All I want is for her to be proud of me. I want to be happy and I am most of the time. This talk makes me feel more normal in my feelings whatever normal is. She would want no part of a miserable life. She was the best person on the planet

[chrissysurname]

My sons short life made me who I am. I NEVER take life for granted and I appreciate that I had him with me for as long as I did, despite how short his life was. He died in front t of my eyes, in my arms and he taught me to love, live and appreciate the gift of life. I believe he paved the way for my other children to be born and directly influenced the woman and mother I later became.

[neelakirschner]

I lost my beloved mum 5 weeks ago to COVID. It happened so quickly and my heart feels like it has shattered into a million pieces. I miss my mum so much and life will never be the same again. The pain is so unbearable at the moment.

[Lyork]

Dear Dr. Delaney, thank you for this talk and for dismissing the "5 stages of grief." When I really wanted to talk to someone after my husbands death, I had at least two people I wanted to talk to give me this PDF about the "stages." I wanted to scream at them but instead, I thanked them anyway. My husband died a year ago and I'm still in shock. I was very grateful to find your video.

[virginiapenn]

I was pregnant and lost the baby after a car accident. I was 9 months along and headed to the mall to walk around to help kick labor in. I went to the hospital and they indused and after two days I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy. I've lost many people in my life. Some easier to deal with than others. My grandfather who always treated me as the girl he never had treated me better than the man who was my father (his son). I cry everytime I go to my grandfather's grave. I cry a little when I go to my mother's grave. I go to my son's grave and smile because I know he's with God. My late husband died 11 years ago. I have been single since just so I can raise my 4 children who were between 6 and 14 when he passed. I have struggled. I won't say everything has been easy. I started getting stress seizures in 2016. I had two last year. I was out for 2 days. I saw my grandfather. He told me it wasn't time even though I insisted I wanted to stay with him. He told me to come back. I was needed here. When I got back I didn't know why I was here or what was so important for me to stay on Earth. I struggle everyday to get through the day. I recently have been very grateful for my grandfather telling me to come back. I still cry for him but I now know why I was sent back. There is a connection but we need to understand that they are with us even though they cannot tell us they are. Just wanted to share my story. Thank you.

[jatinderkaur]

I have lost my loving dad three months ago. I was numb, shocked, teary, sad, guilty. I was in rollercoaster of emotions. First week I was used to sit at one place whole day. I really miss my dad. I am trying to move with grief but some time it brings you back at initial point to stay over again. I hope my respected dad is okay there. Love you so much Dad. Feel blessed to born as your daughter. Miss you always.

[maryracette]

My spouse was very ill for months. He died in a nursing home a few days ago. I thank God that I had him in my life. Yes, , I still miss him deeply. It hurts. Emotions are all.over the place including feelings of guilt and wishing I was with him. Grief is frightening to me too. I live alone and have few support systems.

[petegibson]

I have just lost my wife to cancer in January 2018 and the last 6 months have been a roller coaster of emotions even wishing i could die, but listening to Dr Susan Delaney has made me think hard to evaluate my life and move on but never forget the past, but except what life thrown at me even though I didn't ask for it. Thank you Dr Susan Delaney for your compassion .

[changingyourworld]

My daughter died unexpectedly 3 weeks ago, aged 33. I am devastated beyond belief but need to help her twin and her fiance, This and the illustrations are helpful and hopeful without being glib.

[geoffringham]

THE MOST SENSIBLE and down to earth talk I've ever heard on YouTube or anywhere else concerning grief. I lost my darling wife of 50yrs just two weeks ago. And a big hug to Susan for pointing out that ridiculous and patronising term 'Closure.' as the nonsense it is.
Thank you Susan 💟