Divorce: It's Not About You | Jillian Wells | TEDxGreenville

Divorce hurts and it's especially difficult and painful when children are involved, Jillian knows first-hand.

It's nearly unheard-of for a divorced couple to have a good relationship, let alone be "friends" and maintain the sense of "family" for their children. When you focus on the kids and what's best for them, putting your own feelings/hurts/emotions aside (which is NOT easy), the innocent children you brought into this world benefit, and you just might too. Jillian Wells came to Greenville in 2002 to continue her career in television news on FOX Carolina as a Meteorologist/News Reporter. Although born and raised in the Cleveland, OH area, she fell in love with Greenville and built her family and career here over the last 17 years.

Prior to her job with her husband’s company, Jillian filled various roles including: Meteorologist/News Reporter for FOX Carolina and fill-in Meteorologist with WYFF4, Senior Sales Representative for JanPak Supplies, Director of the Imagine Center Fitness club and the toughest job yet as a Stay-at-Home Mom.

[aerodylluk]

I'm in a bitter mood today, so take this with a pinch of salt.
But so many of the Ted Talks I have seen essentially come from a moderately wealthy middle class person telling me how they overcame hurdles in life. Life is much easier to tackle when you come from a position of financial stability.

All I hear from this talk is how she got divorced, had to deal with the inconvenience of separating assets and co parenting. But other than the separation itself, her and her ex seem to be on the same page as far as the kids go, and she more or less describes the whole divorce as a list of inconveniences.

I mean where is the real hurdle? She had money at the start of this, she will get money as she is the mother of the kids, most likely got custody and therefore she will get the house and her ex will pay to support the kids. She even works for her ex so her job isn't even at risk while she deals with the drama of this traumatic event, because he is highly unlikely to put the livelihoods of his kids at risk by taking away their mothers source of income.

Not to deny how horrible this experience was for her, but it seems like she had it on easy mode with the biggest issue being swallowing her pride for the sake of her kids and to keep her job.

I would love to hear stories like these from those who hit rock bottom and got back up. That is the kind of motivation I need right now.

[CLCinflorida]

Bottom line, it's a Broken Home and Broken Family, DIVORCE DESTROYS...

[janinepettit]

Can’t get this time back. She said two things over and over. Kids first and make a choice to put them first. What information would be good is how to overcome the inclination to rage at an ex who abandoned his vows, family, responsibilities. She said they made the choice together to put the kids first. Why didn’t her ex apply that to his marriage recovery work? That would have been putting the kids first. That was the choice.

[stephaniefythm]

I went through a lot of financial crisis during my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money. Bought my second house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college.

[JuliaSt]

Basically, afternoon divorce behave with each other as you should have DURING the marriage: respect each other, team work, focus on your kids not on your differences or grudges against each other.

[CT-oddl]

It wasn't until I went to university and started reading the studies I realised how truly damaging divorce is for kids. Every credible study. It's amazing how we've happy talked it and reframed it to be about the couple's sentimental sense of love and attachment. When in fact, it is about the cohesive family unit.

[yoelfarkas]

I agree with much of the sentiment, but the reality is that in her circumstances BOTH made a decision to put the kids first. I will not speak about my personal divorce here (though I do in many other forums) but will say that in many instances, one of the ex spouses is not willing to put the children first (even if he/she thinks that he/she is). This makes things extremely complex and challenging. Point being that yes it is a good attitude to put the kids first, but this isn't anything new, and I would suggest almost every divorcing couple will claim they put the kids first. What happens in actuality is unfortunately quite different. Overall, I do agree that one should be as civil as possible despite the hardship, and hopefully the other side will come around, but if not, the key is to accept the situation and be the best parent one can be regardless of how the other parent/ex spouse behaves because not every person will be as fortunate as her to have an equal partner in putting the children first regardless of one's own decision to do so.

[kellyamodeo]

This video comes off a very flippant to reality of most peoples divorce or many peoples divorce. A lot of people actually do extremely well and have healthier better relationships by moving on with their life and not sharing holidays with their ex. You can be a great coparent and not hang out with your ex if you don’t want to.

[jerryhale]

Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me, i still love her and most times i cant stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just cant, i love her so much, i dont know why i am bring this here for, i cant stop thinking about her.

[anxietyrecoverycom]

My parents have not yet reconciled nor attempted a "co praent" approach. They have only been in the same room together once when I was 23 for my birthday and its been 20 years now. Its unthinkable to me they would ever be to in the same room during the holidays again since I was 10 and I'm 31 now. What you shared opens me eyes to thr deeper truth of how bad it really was for my family's experience including my own.

[MS-nski]

I can't respect a lady who divorced, knowing they would be OK financially. I need to hear the stories of those left for dead.

[NDYP]

This is not a rule. I did not want a divorce, I did not ask for it, I asked for help but it did not stop her selfishness and stubbornness. I will never share the same space with her besides a text message here and there to organise the kids schedules and when I can see them. She took them away from me and did not let me see them as much as i want. i raised them specially during the pandemic and took care of them, the house while working from home but all that mattered was her career and talking to her high school "friend" who coincidentally appeared in the middle of our separation. A lazy good-for-nothing blogger. This is on her even if she threw all the blame on me. I moved to this country for her and she did not even think I had no family nor friends and her mother complained I did not reply to her idiotic Christmas message, when they never once sent a message to ask how I was doing?!

[samanthasophiaf.manalili]

My parents said they might go through divorce it hurts hearing them say that I feel angry, sad, frustrating, and confusing it felt like a flod of emotions or being stabbed in the heart not knowing what to do but cry be mad I just wish what they said wasn't true they were so happy together and it all suddenly happened in a flash

[holacomoestas_imERICA.]

It's definitely about the kids. & protecting the children. Can't co-parent if the kids aren't top priority and are always being sold out. You get what you give in life & you can't fully respect someone who can't respect themselves.

[johnrencheck]

Dont ever get married in the first place the odds are not in your favor

[vashaist]

That is waaaay far from reality, if divorce is the only thing to run from abuser, we are not on the same page…

[JessicaAnotii]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really loved him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him

[karenhanke]

I 100% agree that two parents should not involve children in divorce and should be able to mutually co-parent together in a respectful manner. However, I'm unsure if this speaker has been deeply emotionally and financially impacted by High Conflict Divorce. I question her knowledge surrounding Post Separation Abuse, Intimate Partner Violence, and Coercive Control all contributing factors to Physical and Non-Physical (e.g., emotional) Domestic Abuse. When the 'safe' parent is relentlessly faced with countless counter-parenting patterns of behavior by the other parent who is intentionally and methodically hostile, it's incredibly difficult for the children. Adverse Childhood Experiences it's impact is important during High Conflict Divorces.

[gloriahorvath]

What about having teenage kids who can speak! He is sabotaging me and my kid’s relationship. Look up narcissist. He will ruin the kids to hurt me. I’m living it!

[Naan]

This is a parenting advice after divorce. It is a decision of 2 but also almost most of the marriages can be saved, starting with 1 of you, and your children will thank you for working and transforming your marriage, forever.