When You Don't Want a Divorce: My partner wants a divorce but I don't.

When you don’t want a divorce but your partner does, you are left feeling powerless and helpless. It seems like everything you do just drives them further away. There are things you can do when your partner wants a divorce and you don’t. In this video I share four powerful actions you can take when you don’t want a divorce.

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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.

You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.

GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:

*Additional Resources*
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage

Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?

*Work with Me*

*Helpful Books for Divorced Men* (affiliate links)

I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.

DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

How do you get through a divorce you don't want?

When my clients tell me, “my partner wants a divorce but I don’t”, they are usually focused on how to save the marriage. When you’re focus is on how to save a marriage or how to stop a divorce, you end up doing things that push your partner further from you.

The best way to fight for your marriage is to fight for yourself. When you don’t want a divorce but your spouse does, use the space created by separation to do the deep work of self love on yourself. Start exploring who you are in the marriage, who you are now, who you want to become.

If you focus on stopping a divorce or saving a marriage you end up fixated on things you cannot control. This produces anxiety and despair, which are not resourceful states.

You are allowed to fight for your marriage

This doesn’t mean you can’t fight to save your marriage. Do it. Let your partner know you are doing it. Be clear on what you want. Let them know when you don’t want a divorce.

Let them know you are getting help if you are seeing a therapist or a coach.

But mostly, fight for your marriage by fighting for yourself. You cannot fully and unconditionally love another person until you learn to love yourself.

You must do that work, the self love work, first.

When you do, your partner might respond and come back to you.

Or they may not.

But self love work is never wasted.

You can create a joyful, loving fulfilled life for yourself by learning to accept yourself, take ownership of your emotions and intentionally create your future.

That work is always worth doing.

[joshuamac]

Divorce isn't the end... my wife wanted one and I did everything I could to change her mind. Nothing worked, it just pushed her away the more I tried... when she filed, I didn't fight any longer... I signed and I allowed her to go wherever she wanted to go. I allowed her to be free. Eventually, she came back. Things were as great as they've ever been. And still holding strong. She actually ended up proposing to me. I worked on myself. Built a business which gave me confidence, gained weight, chose a new wardrobe and learned about relationships and most importantly attachment styles... so everything IS possible. I wanting to add, I was never controlling before the divorce. I'm surprised that she filed for a divorse but nonetheless divorce is really just the beginning. My mindset the whole time was she was going to come back eventually, that helped with my anxiety and helped me wake up and get out of bed every day

[Dinngg]

Marriage takes two but divorce only takes one. If one wants out, it doesn't matter what the other wants.

[CourtneyS]

I feel broken. I’m losing my bestfriend and every instinct in me is telling me not to let it happen but I can’t control him. I love him so much, I thought I could love him enough to make him love me.

[marthareyes]

After 12 years of marriage and thinking that we were awesome together, solid like a rock, the best of friends, and that we had an undying love for each other, I went away 4 months for work to finish a project that we started together to come back and find a complete strange person at home. Sombody that will not talk to me, will not touch me and that seems untouched by the pain this couses on me. Somebody that says than they love me but is not in love with me. And I feel completely destroyed, helpless, confused desperated, and very very sad. I cant see a life past this time. I feel like I am drowning, she is on a boat and wouldn't even throw a 🛟 to me. And that non of what we accomplished and built together throughout this decada is important enough to fight for. Thank you for this video. I will reflect on it and try above all my feelings and toughts to follow your advice.❤

[odd-]

Thank you for this. I feel completely and utterly lost, useless, and insignificant right now. I’m trying to keep my mind busy, but it keeps going back to her! I want it to stop so bad!

[sarbjitkaur]

I know I cannot control him and I have let go of control. I aware that i cannot change his thinking or feelings. I have changed alot and I know I am not doomed!! I am healing he still wants the divorce i know I waa co dependent and fear of abandonment😢 I am not a bad person. I am shifting my mindset.❤
I want to save my marriage i don't want to be alone and I do love him unconditionally and I am loving him from a distance. Thank you for this video. I am worried about being alone but now I am healing and self love is bringing me ABUNDANCE. I want to become clear that I am ENOUGH and i am worthy.
WAHEGURUJI WAHEGURUJI WAHEGURUJI

[JTDyer]

I've been there. You feel completely and totally helpless, especially as a man because when you no longer have control over your life it's absolute devastation to your mental health.

[kennethsosa]

In my case and I just recently realized this, my resentment towards soon to be my ex wife (about to divorce) came from me putting her in a pedestal. It destroyed my marriage. I finally realized that most if not all my bad behaviors(being needy, being upset, being immature, and everything else) came from having so much expectations from her. And none of that is her fault. Because I was the one that put her up that pedestal. I don’t wanna bring my upbringing but I think it’s a big part of it. It’s a dangerous thing to put someone up a pedestal. I wish I realized that way before so I could have changed it and possible change the outcome of my marriage. But I feel like it’s too late now. If anything I’ll walk away from this divorce learning something

[mosirispain]

My wife blindsided me with this. She is bipolar. She was planning future plans with me telling me how much she loves me and after watching our favorite movie, tells me she’s leaving.

[TK]

My husband made me lose all my friends, sold my cars, and not that I have nothing he wants out. He wants to have a finer girl than I am. So nice

[babyloobibovski]

There is nothing like being blindsided by divorce. My heart truly goes out to victims of this.

[allenwilson]

If your partner wants to leave, tell them not to let the door hit That's self love 😊

[TheUnstoppableHubByKS]

@Racheal, great video. Thank you for sharing this. So, what if you are scared of destroying this beautiful life ( house, relationships etc) and stability and certainty of having future with one person, and now if this goes away, you will have to do work to create that life all over again and because all this takes work, you may not want to do it again and which means you will chose to live single and look back and regret thinking what if I could just do this one thing right and all this wouldn't have happened.

[xiklxps]

Im in so much pain… i know i own a part of this… but it hurts so much

[NotoriousKorea]

Thank you for this video. Reading the comments, it helps that I’m not the only one. My divorce has rocked me to the core. I want to be free of this pain.

[youngrodney]

Thank you for this information. I'm getting divorced and it fucking rots me to my core. But its inevitable, you've given solid advice for me to think through. Thanks,

[DivorceStoppersLive]

Love your channel. I have 100 percent success rate for the ones trying to prevent Divorce but the ones that already are I have sent you 4 peeps so far!! Great video!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽

[anganbakonjengbam]

Nice advice, nice work, many occurred due2 financial struggle due2 single handling or no supporting from blind spots, its the only means2 seek our destination, bcoz of financial, fame, prestige, obsession, etc... Issued no more2 judge or fight, start focusing our will power through money earning with self love and self respect, to this help, I can overcome

[brendanperrett]

What do you do when they only keep saying they don’t want a divorce but yet still make absolutely no effort to try and communicate with you and actually try and do something about it?

[efthimios]

When I was patient and loving as Angry and bad my wife was it kept us together until she came around but at the end when I acted tough and “stood up” this is what ruined it all- so if you want to share your marriage and family and have Gods grace to forgive them love and be patient.

Great video and advice