Avoidant Attachment: 7 Ways To Deal With Avoidant Personality- Psychotherapy Crash Course

*Note: To those who have concerns about the topics discussed understand this video is for those not seeking help and who are resistant.

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who appeared loving and interested in the relationship, only to later pull away when things got too “involved?”

Did you raise a child who would hug you and show you unconditional love one moment, and the next totally detach from you as if you were a stranger?

What about your own mother or father. Did they love you in a strange way, often equating “separateness” or “independence” with love or strength?

If this sounds familiar, then perhaps this article is for you. About 5.2% of the US adult population is affected by avoidant personality disorder and almost every contributor (about 60) in the comments section claimed to have experienced a relationship with avoidant characteristics.  

In this video, I will explore avoidant personality disorder and offer tips on how to cope with an avoidant personality.

I welcome your comments and questions!

Helpful resources:

2. Dr. Simon on predatory aggression:

------Contact me-------

I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 11 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological trauma in children, teens, and adults.

Mail me stuff!
PO Box 113
Bridgeville, PA 15017

Social media:
Twitter - @therapisttee

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#relationships #avoidant #tamarahilllpc

*New videos Mondays & Fridays with a periodic bonus video on Wednesdays!

[currentlay]

you’ve answered so many of the questions ive had for a very long time. thank you so much

[cassiopeia]

As a person diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, I find your video very difficult to watch. Like there is no hope at all. I’m just difficult to deal with.
I agree that you can’t just medicate the traits away, but you can learn how to deal with the emotions and act differently through therapy.
I got help because I wanted it, not because someone suggested it. It’s extremely painful and lonely living with this.

[brocksamson]

Throwing the avoidant person "under the bus" is not dealing with the problem, in fact it is avoiding the problem. I'd suggest building trust with the avoidant person, and helping them to find and express their emotions. Explicitly sharing your emotions with them, while getting them to do the same back to you, would be helpful.

[julianah]

Some people with AvPD will get help wothout someone else pushing them. There's a lonliness that comes with AvPD. We very deeply desire close relationships, but the fear can be crippling. We fear being rejected and abandoned. And while I agree that you shouldn't stay with someone who isn't making an effort, staying can be the most healing and reassuring thing for an AvPD who IS trying to learn to trust and not to see themselves and entirely inferior. I can't begin to put into words how hard it is to make an effort to trust someone, and when that effort is met by the other person walking away it just confirms all of our worst fears. I have a friend that I've had for about a yr and a half now. I've had a few withdrawal episodes and I have this terrible anxiety that he's going to stop being my friend. But he just keeps showing up. And some days I Iiterally just want to cry because him showing up invalidates (in a good way) all of my worst fears of being abandoned and that people can't be trusted. Love on the AvPD's in your life. They're scared to admit it but they are desperate for connection.

[kingsagenda]

Great I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. This doesn't give very much hope for us. Thanks

[flyingcloud]

THANK YOU I have been trying to reach my younger sister for many years only to feel frustrated, angry and helpless. You have explained her so well! I now know that I just need to walk away from the situation.
I have been trying to FIX her and it has not worked, I am tired and I don't care. For decades I worked hard trying to understand.... and now I realize that she can not give me what I need from her because she doesn't hear me when I talk to her; she closes down and that is not acceptable to me any more. Thank you for your explanation I feel relieved and have lost some of my anger towards her....she can't give because it is not possible for her to do so.

[cjrodgers]

Why has it taken this long to discover you? Your amazing

[wellingtonsboots]

Interesting video. Though yes it is a little harsh. I know why I have avoidant personality disorder and it was to do with childhood trauma which was hardly my fault. However I am glad I have a name for why I get scared around people and find it difficult to trust. I can now start to understand this disorder and work on it.

[Peaches_H_Nyce]

I respectfully disagree, I am not challenging your authority, and I appreciate your platform. Please forgive me, I'm looking for content for a paper I'm writing and found your video. You hit so many key points. However, as a 1st timer viewer you're perspective appears linear. PD's are traits, influenced by environmental and biological factors. APD is also a learned behavior, a (self-sabotaging) defense mechanism. I disagree and feel confident stating that it is dangerous to state PD's can't be treated medically or cognativly. Especially without offering any other solutions. What's left then? What if someone's passing through and sees this? Maybe they can't be cured like a physiological illness, however they can be managed.

[TLDAVIS]

Thank you for describing me to a T. I never wanted to be antisocial, but that is what I have become. I have an avoidance personality. From what I have experienced these personality disorders have to be treated while the individual is very young and pliable. I underwent years of therapy to no avail for problems that were developed in my adolescent years. At this stage of my life I have consciously isolated myself from people as much as possible.

[shysan]

I am inspired to go through the difficulties in my relationship between my neighbors, co-workers, friends, clients, and relatives. Thank you Ms. Tamara for all the explanation. 🙏♥️

[soleil]

As someone with this personality disorder, I, of course, decide to give up. I cannot stand myself, my past, and the life that I'm going towards. I regret every single thing I did in my life. I feel a tremendous amount of sadness imagining other people carrying the burden of being someone so distruttive.

[anita-tr]

the way you explain this is amazing. this video has given me so much information and understanding. thank you

[Eyedocsri]

You are the only one who gave clear pointers on dealing with an avoidant attachment type. What if someone is married for over a decade and has two kids with an avoidant individual? How do we express our needs for closeness and intimacy in that relationship when they are still living like roommates even after a decade

[steven_king]

Thank you so much for your work. I'll be sharing this information with many people I coach who deal with these issues. Could you make a video discussing an anxious/avoidant love relationship? Specifically how the anxious person can cope, and how to attempt to create more intimacy with the avoidant. Also, how can the avoidant partner can recognize that they are avoidant (because they are often in denial, or unable to see this), and how they can take steps to get closer to their partner, which we all know they subconsciously crave, but fear? How do you approach an avoidant partner who doesn't believe they are avoidant, and the best way/approach to help them realize that they are avoidant and do the work on those tendencies, without having to give an ultimatum or end the marriage...because the ultimatum will just trigger the avoidant's subconscious fear of being left, and they will end the relationship out of their subconscious fear of being abandoned...

[TherapistTamaraHill]

Happy Friday Friends!
If you liked this video, please like, share, and subscribe.

See you Monday 😊

[milleknudsen]

I'm desperate to deal with my avoidant personality disorder. It's ruining my life. I can't even text people without being so scared that I feel like throwing up and crying. It's so frustrating

[uncagedpine]

I agree with everything you said. I am avoidant, and due to it, it’s pretty much destroyed my expectations of a future when I really put into perspective how hard it would be to deal with me. I don’t want to hurt someone. I realized though that I’ve pretty much been telling myself the same thing ever since I can remember. I’d always tell myself that a relationship, or just intimacy in general, is completely off the table for me. Id just dissociate from those emotions and pretend that one day I won’t be like this. I never put it in perspective that I’m probably always going to be like this.

[ThriveWithLouise]

i dont think its ingrained, it can definetely be healed if the individual has the awareness to do something, its from trauma when the trauma is healed the patterns will change

[raphaellavelasquez]

I have no one in my life now. Lost all my friends and family over the years. I grew up traumatized by undiagnosed parents, mainly severe neglect and emotional abuse. Ive attracted people like my parents over and over and now have no one.