6 Steps To Re-Engage A Fearful Avoidant After A Conflict | Disorganized Attachment & Core Wounds

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Conflict Resolution: Speaking Up & Steps to Healthily Resolve Relationship Challenges

In this video, I talk about the 6 steps to re-engage a fearful avoidant after a conflict.

What are some of your strategies to re-engage your partner after a fight or a disagreement?

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// Social Media Links //

Instagram - personaldevelopment_school

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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!

This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.

Want to transform your life? If I did it, I know you can too!

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#FearfulAvoidantAttachment #PersonalDevelopmentSchool #PDS #ThaisGibson #AttachmentStyles #ConflictResolution #ValidateFeelings

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[roshalllambert]

Thank you Thais for these tips!! it will help me communicate with the FAs in my life

[stevensantora]

Summary of the Video Points:

1. Give space (10-15 minutes)
2. Validate their feelings
3. Ask if they're willing to work it out
4. Hear them out
5. What do you need to feel relieved?
6. Share your needs and thoughts

[Robert-cknm]

Nail the exact names of your course titles! I'm a member. The dashboard titles are nuanced, and many. Without caring enough to create clear, easily distinguished, one of kind titles, you're wasting your client's time, and frustrating them by asking them to hunt through dozens of icons that are quite similar. It's like sorting through pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. You, and your company should care more about the ease of use for your customers, rather giggle about how lackadaisical, and inept your office workflow is. Thanks for reading, and caring more! You can do better, you have some great stuff.

[ThousandWordsMediadotcom]

Uggggh… I’m being iced out & ghosted when all I want to do is resolve conflict & start off better than we left off & evolve with all the information I’ve learned man & reconcile… damn….

[alainpatry]

Answer to opening question --> Hell yes! And.... I've also tortured myself with the question at 0:38 way too many times.
Thank you for the reminder at 1:14 to have boundaries and not put up with unhealthy patterns and toxic subconscious behaviors.
These are all great tips for us at the receiving end of FA's blowup now communicate later pattern BUT in my opinion… this should be a strategy to use only while the FA is actively committed to the relationship, doing the healing work, and that progress is noticeable. These tips should not be a substitute for the FA’s necessary healing journey.
I'd also say that when in person, I've had SOME success with asking my FA partner to maintain physical touch after she got triggered. It took her a while to get there, and I can understand why, but eventually she did. And that was amazing. As a healing AP, I found that helped reassure me that she wasn't going anywhere because there was still a physical connection.
I would also say that the first tip to give space for 10-15 minutes RARELY has been enough in my situation. On most accounts, at least half a day was required, but more often a full day or more. Which at that point, to me is communication breakdown and relationship breakdown. Whenever she finally came around, usually after me chasing a bit, it was like she had mulled things over in her mind even more, and that made the reconnection even more challenging because the dialogue that should have been with me had already taken place inside her head, by herself. :(
So for me, 10-15 minutes timeout would be great and a massive improvement! Also, how the FA reacts when they are triggered can make a difference to getting to the later steps outlined here. While Thais makes it clear that we need to validate their emotions and not their behaviors, if certain things were said or done that were spiteful or trust breaking... it can be really challenging for the receiver to want to listen and truly "hear". Personally, I'm in the process of growing my balls back after being iced out so often I've lost count. Your recent videos on FA are tremendously helpful Thais! Thank you!

[libnabarron]

I so appreciate the FA content lately; thank you Thais!

[pikapoka]

Thank you, this is very helpful but - this kind of behaviour cannot go on repeating itself forever. One just cannot let it happen over and over and over again. I guess the partner of the FA who does not show any resolution to work on their destructive patterns needs to walk away unless they are willing to put up with stonewalling and similar trauma responses forever.

[tjr]

As an AP, I can struggle with the giving space. My FA definitely shuts down and needs space after conflict. Recently I made the mistake of not giving space, even after it was asked for, and pushed to a place he decided to end the relationship. Trying to understand if/how to reconcile now. Your videos and courses are very helpful, so not only am I looking to reconcile, I am also looking to heal/re-program my core wounds so I can be a more secure partner with or without reconciliation.

[KaitlynYang]

Thank you for my daily Thaisism! More phrases and sentences about validating feelings, not behaviors please!

[compassionandwisdom]

Thias, your program here is simply wonderful. Thank you thank you thank you.

[cognitivedissident]

If this sequence of responses works for my FA then I will be eternally grateful.

[fero]

Thank you this is very timely and so helpful. Currently being iced out by my fa friend. I’m fa too and I think I keep making things worse. And that was so adorable when you said I don’t actually know the title of the program 😅☺️ can’t wait to look for the conflict resources in PDS. Thank you!

[FrankM]

Watching the videos on fearful avoidants, I had thought I was one, because some of the things mentioned in those videos resonated with how I act at times. Watching this video made me question if I was truly a fearful avoidant, because I don't ever shutdown or shut a person out. I always keep the line of communication open. But I have gotten frustrated when the other person doesn't want to communicate. So I decided to take the attachment quiz and it tells me I have a secure attachment style. Now I'm just more confused.

[nickbarbosa]

Realistically Thais, is there any hope that FAs will one day be able to change their volatility? How probable is it that that will happen?

[LonelyRider]

I lost him over an argument. He was so special to me. 😭💔

[shubikl]

Thanks Thais. I was an anxious last year and after dealing with a DA became a FA myself and dealing with another FA.
I’m very aware of myself and am mild FA but he is not aware of his behaviour as would not hear me out when trying to share the knowledge.
Pff

[emangrabogadi]

As an SA leaning FA, having been with an FA casually (because they don't want to commit) haha for almost a year now- I do all this and he is the only person whom Iv been able to resolve conflict with. I do all the above, cause he just shuts down haha and validating him but speaking up about my needs, we always manage to work through conflict! It is a beautiful growth experience for me.... but truly, don't think its a situation I would want to be in long-term so slowly letting it go. But we make great friends! :)

We both listen and hear each other out, and respect our differences and just make peace. However, I think he is ISTJ and I am INFP so as much as we have this amazing chemistry with no idea how so- cannot see myself with an ISTJ long-term!! 😂😂😂 Overall I am happy to feel grounded, and supported when need be and he says I take care of him and finds me too liberal haha. Funny dynamic but it works....

[LG-lydi]

Man, what do you do when you feel like you've tried every way of communication you can, but they seemingly still won't give you the communication you need

[shortingthetrend]

My partner is FA. Very hard to talk to her about anything cus she resorts to childish tactics or sex

[yellowtheresunshine]

Are many mental health diagnoses in actuality simply misunderstood attachment styles?