Narcissists Cannot See You | THIS Is What They See Instead

In this episode, The Little Shaman discusses perception in relationships with pathologically narcissistic personalities.

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[Narella_Haici_]

I never felt so mischaracterized, and at the same time totally invisible, in my entire life. Being constantly accused and judged for things I would never say, do, or even think gave me a taste of what innocent people who have been thrown in prison must feel. Being in a “relationship” of any kind with a pathological narcissist is like being stuck in Room 101 of Orwell’s book 1984, where all your worst nightmares come true.

Great episode, LS! Every word you speak in every episode you put out is so incredibly validating and healing. Thank you, sister!

[VictoriaPhantasmagoria]

That was my experience growing up - the distressing and unsettling feeling of being told I was someone very different than who I was. This disjoint affected me deeply, because it felt like something was wrong with me that I couldn't understand, and there was no way for my young self to make it make sense.

[gigiarmany]

best channel on the internet describing the narcissistic condition👍🏽🙏🏽🖤💥

[kristinmeyer]

2:15 This is when they think YOU lied to them, because they don't understand that they were incorrect or that they lied to themselves about what you would bring to them. Since you are not perfect, you then become disposable and they justify this by telling themselves you, "the liar" deserve whatever they want to do to you.

[sage]

Wow quote: " You are a living construct that they can identify themselves against - and that's it." Amazing video.

[PantaRhei-wzzn]

Beware of people who put you on a Pedestal.The only movement you can have afterwards is: EITHER to endlessly balance on this small platform (without sleep/ toiletbreaks) - OR t o come down from it (usually by falling on your face).
*The taller the Pedestal/ the deeper the fall*

[Sci-dc]

Once you understand how the Narcissist relates to the world, it’s time to move forward and protect your peace and Mental Health!

[momusicsounds]

I used to ask my wife why she always looked for unhappiness. You just gave me a reasonable explanation.

[melissaharris]

Crazy how on point this is...I clicked on the video to see if it would confirm what I've told the narcissist in my life time and time again.."he was never in a relationship with me, instead it was with the version of me that he totally created in his head." There is no way to fix a relationship when this dynamic is present because there will always be three people involved...the narc, you and the you that exists only in his mind. Any disagreement/argument with him was baffling because he was arguing with the me that he created so he already knew what "I"would say and how "I" felt leaving me with no real voice even when I was screaming he was wrong. I'm so thankful that I never doubted me, instead my heart went out to him because it has to be hard living like that. I also hoped he would finally see the light but 3-4 years of learning all about narcissism have made me see the light...I'm leaving the relationship and praying that he doesn't enter another relationship with anyone until he gets serious help. I would hate to see anyone else deal with what I've dealt with.

[olivenaito]

And narcissists also feel like they're being accused of being "bad" when they're called out for inconsistencies and having a weak character. People aren't accusing them of being evil but it feels like it to them.

[PenSilver]

No contact is the way to go. Low contact if you can't leave yet. But make to plan for an exit ASAP.

Thanks for the content

[julieanna]

You have a depth of understanding of these disordered people that is rare.🙌. Your validation of what we have gone through is truly healing. Thank you for being you, Little Shaman.

[spiderlime]

what the narcissists see of you, often depends on the transactional nature of their relationship: either you give them what they want, or you're wrong. your place in their world depends on the extent of how usable you are to them.

[wowreally]

Their definition of "good" is not only BROAD, it's also very fluid. Changes from one moment to the next, depending on what they need in any given instance. Just because a thing is "good" today, is no indication that tomorrow will be the same.

[bmwmbaby]

I simply did not know that my NPD mother was mentally ill all my life. She was a great mimic. Any therapy she experienced she would mimic and apply to my brother and me. For example, "You can't take no for an answer". Translated she can't take "no" for an answer et al.
NPD personalities are so expert at mimicking that children may take a lifetime to realize the extent of their mothers mental illness. Gaslighting, stonewalling, projection, lack of empathy, entitlement, destructivness, giving and taking back, exploitivness, and profound misplaced anger was my experience in her company. Kindness was weakness in her view. When someone treats your kindness as weakness it is time to show up missing!

[Madamex]

after 5 years watching narcissism videos, you manage to express nuances that create another level of comprehension
thank you

[disappearingremedy]

Outstanding work. This resonates. I'm greatly appreciative for you.

[Plumduff]

My sister died 9 months ago. My narcissistic mum said to me the other day aren't you over that yet?

[TrevorHamberger]

This puts into light while a couple of my family members think of me as such an evil person when in reality they're actually the terrible person. And then at the same time they're incapable of seeing the bad and the people that are obviously bad. I never realized this was part of it

[silverpony]

This is an astonishingly perfect description of my narcissistic ex. As another poster says, I felt so mischaracterized and totally invisible. He absolutely saw each person as either on his side OR as out to get him with no in between, and he would flip Jekyll/Hyde on a dime. He would switch to seeing you and treating you as his enemy in an instant if you tried to give him even carefully ginger negative feedback about something. He really acted as though he thought the whole world was just out to get him. He could not connect the consequence of his behavior to people's normal reactions to it. He absolutely saw nobody as they were but as his mental stereotypes about them, and yes, his views were starkly black-and-white, either-or with no nuance or complexity. I could go on. It's so sad that he's going to die alone in old age having never grown up in any way but physically. I wish I had left years before I did. They do not change, even if you soak them with all the love, care, understanding, time, effort, and money in the world.