4 Things that SABOTAGE your healing from a narcissistic relationship

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[MrsEd-fhgs]

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a lot like going through grief. The only way out is through.

[janeene]

I left after 20 years. My only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner. Never been happier and the thought of someone getting the best version of him never even crossed my mind. I couldn’t care less.

[BemaSeatAcademy]

Carpet of eggshells
Repository of cruelty

You are a Shakespeare too, Doc. I love you.

[yukio_saito]

The more you forgive them, the more and more they repeat the same thing.

[mickeyblue]

Dr Ramani you helped me so much. 2 years ago I found your videos and realised what I'd been through for the last 37 years.
I 've been separated from my covert narcissist husband for 2 and half years now. Have my own lovely house, lots of friends and a good life.
Divorce completed through yesterday. I never want to see him again. I'm sorry I had children with him.
Luckily I'm not against men and have met some wonderfully nice men.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you Dr Ramani. You gave me a new life to live

[LesviaRevolorio]

After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!

[connie]

MY REGRET IS ALSO THAT I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME TRYING. I WAS WILLING TO INVEST AND TRY WHEN IT WAS MISERABLE!

[denisemegenhardt]

The best thing that I have found is not to talk to them after leaving because it will make you fall back into the trap. You can not change anyone but, yourself! 🙏🙏🙏

[MichaelBroder]

There’s a level on which I am grateful for my now defunct relationship because it really forced me to confront my history of trauma bonding and to become more aware of the role I play in selling myself out in these relationships and maybe at the ripe old age of 63 I am finally in a position to stop doing it again and again and again.

[cherrybacon]

It will take the rest of my life, however long that is, to recover and heal from my abuse as it changed me at my core and i have had to learn who i am again. 🍒

[ReRe_]

That’s the worst is loosing 30 years of my life. Passed up great men for this.

[IsraelXOX-ghmr]

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there.

They will promise to do it, but never follow through.
If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction.

An argument will ensue
The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character.
The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved.
At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction

They give you what you asked for, BUT

[kristinaryan]

Omg... you've said everything i went through. 10 years of just losing myself, severe repeated infidelity from him, emotional abuse, gaslighting breadcrumming. The sayings are even the same! We went camping to outback Australia and he would not even sit and watch the stars with me. Thats one of the reasons we went for! Too intimate for him or something. He'd disappear for a night and if i questioned him he'd say i don't need this crap, i'll be happier to live in my van. So i said go! For good this time. Its been 10 months and such a hard road. I've lost so many people who lost patience with me taking him back so many times. I thiught they would come back but those friendships are over. My circle has shrunk to just a few people but thats ok. Its peaceful! I've come out of the depression mostly but i dont know how to face the future. He circles back occasionally testing waters and while i've finally got that he wont change, the trauma bond is the hardest to get out of. 😢

[marriadaniels]

When an issue arose and I tried to verbally show that I was trying to understand his position, my former husband of 19 years used to say to me, "Don't psychoanalysis me!" There really is no winning with them.

[costelloandlizzievolk]

💯 the narcissistic sister in law who is repeatedly unapologetically abusive and damaging to us all, yet never faces consequences, and I am shamed and blamed for not wanting to be around her. Super messed up. I don’t care what they think, I will protect my health. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[betteantor]

41 years ago the narcissist left. A few days ago all the feelings of grief came up in front of a best friend as i told her about the narcissist. I guess i had been carrying that for 41 years. My friend was compassionate and understanding and loving.

[michelerose]

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. Thank you for all your videos.

[anitah]

PS. I absolutely love the cameo from your cat. Listening to you talk and watching your cat come and relax on your lap gives me this special serene feeling. Thank you both 💓

[missyglittervlogs]

Hey, love your videos! I got out of a narcissistic relationship 5 years ago! Your videos helped me!

[MrsEd-fhgs]

In this video Doctor Ramani acknowledges some very important points: 1) You DO NOT have to forgive your narcissist, 2) No, you CANNOT just meditate or yoga your pain away, 3) In some cases you CANNOT just pick up and leave the abuser completely, and 4) You CANNOT give your healing a time limit.

People who try to micromanage you into your healing either have never experienced narcissistic abuse, can't recognize narcissistic abuse or are narcissists themselves.