Autism and ADHD in Women | 8 Areas of Frustration

Both autism and ADHD are under-diagnosed in women because it tends to present differently (this can also apply to AFAB individuals). Also, until 2013, many medical providers did not believe the two conditions could exist simultaneously. This video covers the definition of both autism and ADHD, 8 areas of frustration in living with both conditions, similarities between the two conditions, and an important resource that can help you learn to better regulate your nervous system. 🧠🫁🫀

❤️ 🧡 💛 MY FAVORITE THINGS 💚 💙 💜

⬇️ Scroll down ⬇️ for timestamps to jump to a specific section PLUS a list of helpful resources for further study. 🧐

📪 Business Mailing Address 📬
Taylor Heaton
8901 Tehama Ridge Parkway, Suite 127
PMB 680
Fort Worth, TX 76177

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor nor psychologist. The purpose of this video is to share information that has been helpful to me as an autistic mom with ADHD. Please do not make any changes to your health without the help of a medical professional.

⏰ Timestamps ⌚️

Let’s talk mental health (1:25)
My first video over ADHD (2:35)
Using labels (3:46)
Defining ADHD and Autism (4:52)
List of 8 Areas of Frustration Starts Here (6:48)
The Nervous System (7:10)
Special Interests (8:30)
Routine (9:25)
New Activities (10:15)
Decision Making (11:03)
Learning (12:07)
Paying Attention (13:05)
Staying Organized (13:56)
Takeaways (14:44)
Similarities between ADHD and Autism (15:16)
The Effect on the Nervous System (15:45)

💻 Resources 📚

I'm Tay, a married mom of 2 who was diagnosed with Autism at 31 years old. This was after YEARS of therapy (and all of the self tests in the world!). My diagnosis has brought up questions, frustration, doubt, but most importantly, a new level of self compassion and understanding.

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I'm here to share knowledge, resources and products that empower other neurodivergent individuals (and their loved ones) to live freely and creatively. I'm not a doctor so please speak with your healthcare providers before implementing any recommendations I make on my channel.

Women are under-diagnosed due to lack of research. Please share any videos that are helpful to you so we can spread awareness and acceptance.

Music by Milky Wayvers ("Mountain")

#autism #autistic #aspergers

[helenayamez]

I am self diagnosed as autistic at age 57, but couldn't work out why, if I'm autistic, I also get bored so easily but need routine, get distracted but have episodes of hyper focus, can't remember things yet absorb vast amounts of knowledge when researching, have a routine, boring job and want more but know I wouldn't be able to cope if I got it, want to travel the world yet want to stay home, all the things I've started but not finished in my life. I never knew why. Your video has explained it all. Thank you.

[lunettasuziejewel]

"You don't know what your body is wanting from you." yes. This is what it is, exactly.

[sarahs.]

I think this (ASD + ADHD) is why I loved college so much. I could set my schedule (ASD routine), but it changed every semester (ADHD change). It was the perfect balance!

[neuroticnation]

With ADHD, I know I don’t produce enough dopamine, so I’m ever on the hunt for dopamine rushes. With autism, I often can’t handle the kinds of things that create dopamine rushes, like parties, concerts, and so on. But you can get the dopamine fix you need and make both sides happy by doing things like reading an exciting book, watching an exciting movie, creating art, or doing exercise. Just so you know, sometimes the rush comes from buying things, and/or collecting them, like musical instruments, art supplies, or shoes. You may never use them, but you gain a sense of well-being just by having them.

[klhpensil]

All those things you said... Wow. So true. The schedule thing is frustrating. I love making detailed, predictable schedules, but then when it's time to start following them my ADHD brain says, "You're not the boss of me!"

[deborahducret-shiley]

I nearly spit my coffee out when you said "...and it would be really fun to crochet right now." Girl, you had me laughing so hard! You are exactly describing my thought process. I was diagnosed ADD at nearly 40 and have suspected that I'm also on the Autism spectrum as well for some time now. That inner struggle with wanting to pursue special interests, but also needing to stay home in my comfort zone can be really frustrating. Thank you for sharing. Just discovered your channel today and subscribed.

[megan]

This is exactly how I feel, I have an intrinsic need for organization and routine but can't stick to either and spend too much time on planning them. I love going to live music events and being out but I also always debate it and go out based on how adventurous I feel that day and alcohol usually helps a little and I need a lot of time to recover after. I love meeting new people and making friends but I never seem to "fit in" and always feel like an outsider. I have a lot of interests and unmastered hobbies too lol and love researching everything all the time, I got 100+ tabs open on my phone 😅 it is really tough to be pulled both ways, I always thought I just had ADHD which made sense then started looking into ASD and it made even more sense to have both, I think ever since I started my ADHD meds my ASD traits from chilhood started to come out more again and that my ADHD masked my ASD a lot. I struggled to understand the difference between them because I thought they must be the same but really I most likely just have both and that's why I struggled differentiating between them.

[kateblais--]

The push and pull of autism and ADHD is such a great point. As someone with autism and predominantly hyperactive type ADHD, it's SO difficult to feel like I have all this energy inside, but feel anxious about doing all the great things I have in my brain. It's so frustrating. Too many days I feel like I'm in anxious paralysis and I can't do anything I need to do, OR WANT TO DO. Any tips for dealing with that? I feel like I don't even get into hyperactive spurts anymore and I loved that feeling of hyperactively just delving into something. Same with quickly picking up and dropping special interests. I feel like I can't become the master of anything and it makes me sad cause I'm not fulfilling what I wanted to achieve in life and I'm wasting so much time. How can I get past this?

[pyreflei]

As a later-in-life diagnosee of ADHD, and self-diagnosed ASD, finding your channel and others like "I'm Autistic, Now What?" has been so revelatory! I feel seen! I'm not an alien! I'm not alone! Thank you so much for putting yourself in the spotlight and speaking up about your experiences and research towards understanding yourself and educating others!!!

[chrissytamulis]

Oh my gods. I resonate with everything you are saying! I only discovered I might be autistic last year at age 40. I finally got diagnosed with ADHD at 30, however, something's still seemed missing out of the equation. Just some of my struggles didn't match with JUST ADHD. You verbalize my everyday experience. I have yet to be diagnosed with autism. It's expensive, and I'm honestly still afraid no one will believe me. I tried to get diagnosed with ADHD as a teen and again in my early 20's. I masked so well at the time I was just dismissed.

[TotalRookie_LV]

A few days ago on my TikTok ADHD suggestions there was a video about "lacking" hyperactivity. It's still there, it just manifests itself differently in adults and in people like me, who are predominantly inattentive. Sure, we can sit for a long time _almost_ still, but we are impulsive and moody _sometimes._

[kariannefimland]

This was like having someone explain my own brain back to me. Brilliant video. :)

[sutpremblair]

Just found your channel today. April 8, 2022. I am 70 years old (born 1951) and have always been very aware about myself being "different" but you can imagine the early 1950's, was not exactly a time to get support for being on the spectrum. I have 2 adult daughters ( they are now 50 yrs and 44yrs) both with some traits on the spectrum, and 2 brilliant adult grandsons. When I saw the film "Neurotypical", I saw traits that are" me" for sure and of course "Temple Grandin" helped as well as her book "Thinking in Pictures". This is a great YouTube video and channel and actually I am laughing here or there. Thank You so much. I did subscribe here.

[heartsmyfaceforever]

lists are how I function. the notes ap on my phone saves a lot of time writing and organizing to do lists cause you can remove and add to dos and not have a bin full of failed/changed lists.
literally EVERYTHING goes on the list - brushing teeth, taking meds, making bed… everything I do counts. If I do something off the list I add it so I can check it off and say I did SOMETHING at the end of the day

[sachadanielle]

It was like you were describing me 🤯 I was only diagnosed last year aged 30. I can't help but think about how different my life would have been if I had support as a child. This is why I am studying my masters of psychology!

[SweetStuffOnMonarchLane]

New subscriber here and I'm sitting here with my jaw hanging open because I feel for once that someone UNDERSTANDS me. The push-pull you describe (and resulting frustration) is so spot on! I was diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive type at age 48 and highly suspect that I have autism as well. I have a terrible time trying to explain how/why I am to people because it seems like such a dichotomy and I can't make it make sense. I'm definitely saving this video and sending it to people that I'm close to for those times when I need them to understand what is going on with me. Thank you SO much for putting into words what I have been unable to. The fact that you have these diagnoses and are able to do this amazes me! I know it must take a lot for you to create them and I want you to know I really appreciate it. You are giving a voice to so many voiceless. Will be sending you $. Happy Holidays!

[neurodiversemom]

My whole life has been a constant tug of war between pulled between my adhd and ASDL1 without understanding the why until my day of discovery at 48 (after having my kids discovered). It feels so validating to understand my neurodiversity and helpful as I help my children understand how to embrace their own neurodiversity to help them thrive and grow. Thank you for this!!!

[simonegouws-delange]

I'm diagnosed ADHD and I'm working on getting my autism diagnosis. I honestly have to say that coping with adulthood has been so overwhelming that I go through phases of severe depression because I'm struggling with handling my own brain and then on top of it I have so many responsibilities as an adult. I have such a craving to be a go-getter, have a routine, and be determined, but then my ADHD just throws everything off and I'm all over the place, and never following through with a single to-do-list. I love reading and have bought so many non-fiction books but haven't read a single one because I can't seem to focus for long enough or retain the information I'm reading. I honestly get so frustrated with myself and it makes me cry... a lot. Do any of you ever just feel like running away and becoming a hermit that lives in the woods somewhere?

[cannoliiii]

the cosmic timing of this video is absolutely uncanny, I just recently had the world altering realization that I may be autistic. I'm 18 and have struggled with adhd since elementary school. Ive been eating up you, and many other autistic creator's videos and all them resonate in such a specific and validating way. This one hit so incredibly home. I cannot thank you enough for creating such brilliant and comprehensive content like this Tay, it is so important ! 💌

[tinawilstrup]

I cried (and laughed) my way through this, because I recognize everything! The live music event, making organisation lists and then being too exhausted from making them to actually do anything. Ugh! I was diagnosed with autism at 42 and 4 months later with add as well, and I really appreciate this video of discussing challenges with both diagnoses. I will go download the guide. Thank you 🙏