Chart of Easily Missed Autistic Traits in Women

Does autism present differently in women than men? Do you have autistic traits you’ve been explaining away since childhood? Why are women underdiagnosed?

Learn how autistic women fly under the radar and what some of our “tells” are. We’ll explore appearance, intellect, emotions, learning styles and relationships. We’ll define camouflaging and masking and how this makes it harder for us to identify where we get stuck.

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***EDIT: Since posting this video, I have learned more about the horrific origins of the term "aspergers" and have since stopped using this term as well as "aspie" which is a derivation of the word, and renamed my channel. In future videos I will make sure to address this issue when referencing any materials that use this term. If you are interested in learning more about the origins of this term, please be warned that you will be reading very upsetting information regarding TRIGGER WARNING child violence. I apologize for any upset or harm I may have caused by using these terms without knowing their origins.

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I'm Tay. I'm a mom of 2 who received an unexpected autism diagnosis at age 31 and it's been a monumental journey!

The road to an adult autism diagnosis can be challenging, but I’m here to help you by providing resources and information I’ve learned along the way. Obtaining a diagnosis can help you develop more self-compassion, lessen stress and anxiety, and discover effective coping strategies.

Being autistic is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a very intricate and unique way of seeing the world that has plenty of strengths and advantages.

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I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Which of the autistic traits in this video resonated with you the most?

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Resources

#autism #autistic #femaleautism #adhd #mentalhealth

[PatriciaDeanStone]

My husband doesn't understand why if we're going to another state to visit friends, I positively don't want to stay at their house. I want to stay at a hotel. I have to feel like I have my own space. Anyone else feel like that?

[ArtemisX]

I'm the one who created this list when I researched and wrote Aspergirls in 2009 (under the name Rudy Simone). I'm very pleased it has taken on a life of its own and brings comfort to so many.

[lobt]

I felt so strongly about injustices since I was a little girl. When people crossed that line, I was the one calling it out. Despite being an intensely shy, quiet person. I would always feel angry that I had to keep a lid on it. Until I burst. I struggle keeping close friends. I don't like small talk. I dislike the company of many. I prefer my own company. I don't mind talking to strangers. I keep only one barely a friend. I struggled to look at people's eyes. Or talking to them. I am just at a loss with how 'small talk people' get along so well. Sluggishly, going through the same routine everyday. I like variety every day. I run towards the complex. I've shown hyperfocus in all my chosen jobs. I gravitate towards self-help. I am prone to staring at clouds to calm me down. Depression, overwhelm, anxiety, facial blinks, and throat gutteral sounds to stretch - internal tension. And I don't take meds as I hate the taste of them. I take care of my mental health with natural foods, and work hard to exhaustion to sleep. Struggle with sleep. Look so young all my life. I wear so many masks. The hardest thing for me is to pick one career. And now I learn that my weirdness could be autistic?.. wait. I hear a record rip.

[raizinboyz]

I am 58 years old and I am 95% of this I am crying tears of joy, so many things in my life make sense. I am NOT

[jahbrianawilliams]

I always thought that everyone was experiencing what I was experiencing but they were able to handle it waaayy better than me. Especially when my family reinforced that thought. They would say that other people are going through what you’re going through you just have to do this or that. When it came to socializing, they would tell me I just have to practice and it would be so depressing for me because no matter how much I “practiced” is was so hard every single time. So for a long time I thought I was just broken or weak-minded.

[AstroBaby]

As soon as I'm misunderstood, I shut down towards the person for good.

[ashcar]

I think the injustice thing bothers autistic people uniquely bc of the comfort we get from rules. When you are being unjust you are breaking some sort of social contract. We also have to put a lot more effort into learning what the social contract IS in the first place, so when someone breaks it it's distressing

[margoreppert]

One vivid memory of my childhood was my mother always telling me to make eye contact with people. It's still hard for me and I'm 73 years old.

[shutupandsmellthiswithlora]

When I share with people about my diagnosis, they always look at me like they feel sorry for me. When in actuality it is absolutely the most magnificent gift I’ve ever been given.

[TheStephbean]

Yea, I've been pretending to be social my whole life, and no one has ever understood why I hate being social because they see how "good" I am with people, but really I am just acting because I don't know what else to do. Thank you for making this video. :)

[TRXST.ISSUES]

Realizing why people kept looking behind them when we talked in my younger years... because I was constantly shifting my eyes not to look at them directly so I could focus. That in turn made them question if something was behind them 😂. This video was insightful to me even as a male.

[beverlyrobb]

All. The. Traits! I’m over 70. I am undiagnosed, or rather self-diagnosed. I was, officially diagnosed as neurodivergent. All these things I find out about myself make me want to cry because they all make all the difficult things I have gone through understandable. So I’ve been through a whole life of things I didn’t understand about myself, and been labeled as lazy, or unsociable, or overbearing, all kinds of things that are contradictory, or just plain weird. Ah well. I’m good at masking.

[IdontspeakBro.]

I married a women who became a surgeon and this is her. We are now divorced but in the past I misinterpreted her behaviours and took offence to them. It wasn’t until years later I realised she was on the spectrum through being told my middle daughter was, and once I did some research it all made sense. I see my ex wife differently now.

[freakinfrugal]

I am everything here - except I don't have a savant talent - but so many things I had no idea were characteristics of autism and it's blowing me away. Passion for justice. OMG. Intense anger when situations are unfair for other people. Always fighting for the underdog. Always aware of others not feeling included. DESPISE social situations. Was better with them in early to mid adulthood, but now, I just cannot even be bothered to try because it is just so awful. Only social stuff is basically when I take my kids to a birthday party and at this point, I'd rather go hid in the bathroom and play on my phone for the whole party. I ALWAYS have felt that I have no personality of my own because I am always morphing into whomever I am with. Have you seen the Woody Allen movie, Zelig? That is me. I think I have had had lots of friends throughout my life due to having a sense of humor, but now looking back, I sometimes question if some people I thought of as close friends really did not see me the same way. So many social situations throughout life (like being a bridesmaid multiple times in my 20s) where I just didn't get the memo and had no idea what I was supposed to do, but everyone else seemed to know what to do. Like wait, I was supposed to go with the bride to the hairdresser at 6 am to keep her company while she got her hair done for the wedding? Why didn't someone just tell me that? I think I am going to start a separate channel from my frugal stuff and dumpster diving to just delve into my autism and tell stories, because like you, this is all I want to talk about.

[thiefonthecross]

It's so hard to be diagnosed so late in life. While I spent years with people who made fun of me, demanded too much from me and constantly berated me for having 100 percent of these traits that I could not help. Life has been such a struggle I wish there was more awareness that you cannot just demand social norms and energy from people whom it damages so intensely all the time.

[rhys]

This is amazing how much I fit this. I always knew I was different. My brother is on the spectrum, and he was treated so much more gentle than I was, despite us both having the same issues. When I recently tried to ask my mom for help to get a diagnoses (I needed evidence from family members to show to doctor) - she said 'you're not autistic. Girls can't have autism. That's just your Gemini nature'. Devastated.

[sheryljohnson]

Just a couple of days ago, one of my friends who was recently diagnosed as autistic told me that she firmly believed that I was as well. I have tentative diagnoses of ADHD and CPTSD. This video appeared in my 'recommended for you' list a little while ago. I can definitely identify with 90% of what's on that list. I'm currently looking for another therapist, and when I find one, I'm definitely going to have to have a discussion about getting tested to find out just what's up with me. The sad thing is, I've struggled with all of this all of my life, and now, at 59 years old, I'm finally beginning to find that my entire life wasn't just 'laziness' or not paying attention, or being 'arrogant', or any of the other derogatory things that have been said to me or about me. Thank you so much for putting this out there.

[kasietjie]

I'm seriously relate to almost all of them! Diagnosed looong ago with ADD, but never with autism (I'm 56).
This só puts me, my life in perspective! Thank you!!!

[helenhill]

I relate to ALL of them!!! I am currently taking my first steps towards getting a diagnosis. I’m 58 and have been beating myself up my whole life for being different/weird/awkward, etc.

[stephanieb.]

I just turned 42 and still get talked to like I am younger! It makes me feel better knowing that there are other females out there I can REALLY relate to what I go through every day.