Embracing ADHD and autism | Sonay Erten | TEDxBeckenham

After being diagnosed with autism and ADHD at the age of 32, Sonay shares her story as someone who does not fit the stereotype but nonetheless experienced struggles without the support and acceptance of how her brain operates.

She shows how ADHD and autism are not disorders but simply differences in how brains operate, and that support and acceptance can come from making small changes.

Now armed with a diagnosis and getting the support she needs, she is not just a successful lawyer but supports others as a coach, a podcast host, a speaker and a volunteer.

[myriamstajkowski]

Watching this talk with silent tears running down my face. I was diagnosed with adhd at age 48 and I suspect I'm also autistic. Thank you for sharing your experience and speaking up for us all ❤

[fearlessspeakers]

I love that you offer some simple yet effective tips both for AuDHD'ers and for society to help make the world an easier place for neurodivergents to survive and thrive in.

[eloiseleher]

"Being described as smart, high achiever AND lazy and not achieving potential!" Jessica McCabe of says that the contradiction is the challenge of ADHD. Sonay, you expressed this contradiction so well: "hang on, it doesn't seem there is anything wrong with her!" Thank you for expressing your pain and your vulnerability as a woman, as a girl, as a wonderfully wired person and your resulting masking. I'm so happy to share this talk. Can you feel me linking arms with you in the mission to express the contradiction, the need to see difference, celebrate unique strengths and support challenge.

[musherwood]

Hearing things like this on days where ADHD feel like a burden is very powerful.

[jenniferprice]

Thank you! Brilliant! It is life saving for me as I have been considering that I just don't belong and can exist in this world. Simply there is little knowledge or awareness of inclusion and accessibility for those with hidden disability. Often we are meet with 'the eye roll' or we are over-reactimg. I was told in my performance review as a teacher, that my outstanding knowledge of curriculum and pedagogy was admirable but I should 'tone down my passion' as other staff might find it overwhelming.... When I go into the outside public world, I feel like I am being assaulted by automatic machine guns, polite requests to turn down the music just a little (8am in the morning) I am treated like 'a Karen'. I am going to spread this to help others understand that I am not being difficult, consider the hidden disability and how chronically disabling it can be. Universal Design - what accommodates PWD, accommodates all. Thank you. You are brilliant

[N_x]

Agreed! I'm so proud of you for speaking up! When we first spoke, I remember we connected over 'me too'. Me too, because we both were diagnosed in our 30s, and lawyers. I love how passionate you are about raising awareness, and showing the otherside to ASD and ADHD - there isn't anything wrong with the person themselves ! 💕
Combined time ADHD - talking a lot is you at your best. I love this! Telling you not to talk, is telling you to mask and setting you up in a highly anxious state of course!!
As always, S, you're hugely inspiring !

[luciebullen]

It's actually really validating as someone undiagnosed to hear your experiences and have so much to relate to! Really enjoyed listening 😊

[BobCarter-dn]

An inspiring example to me of someone coming to terms with who they are and telling the world it has to do so as well.

[tiffanylbacon]

At the age of 48 I decided to start a new career. I decided to become a financial advisor. The stress of the training was overwhelming. It was during this time that I realized that I have ADHD. Of course my son who has autism said, “of course you do Mom. I’ve known it for years.” Since then all my coping skills that I developed over the years dealing with “life” are failing me. I am struggling to even function. And since I was diagnosed with ADHD I am beginning to realize that I have autism too. Now to get a formal diagnosis so I can get help. Nothing worse than feeling like your world is falling apart every day, every moment.

[MikeBaker-igyl]

Great talk Sonay, amazing to see someone talking about these topics so openly!

[Miracle-Needed]

Each moment:
life gets easier and easier.
And better and better!

I love my life.
I adore who I am.

I will no longer be trapped
in a fake prison.
I am setting myself free, NOW!

It hurt, and that's the past.
I now live in the present.

I am the phoenix
rising from the ashes!

[Her.Excellency]

Loved this! Thank you for making me feel less of a weirdo like people usually describe me. Now I’m aware of my possibilities and will give doing the things I truly desire a proper shot❤.
Honestly, it’s never easy for people from broken homes and no in-depth support systems to cope. I’ve never been diagnosed by a therapist or psychologist but, I do suffer from the aforementioned symptoms and it’s a struggle. Thank you so much! And oh yes! I talk A LOT too😅

[trishferrer]

I kept wondering what a "quiet tower" was, and couldn't get any info online except "quiet tower fans". Took a minute, but figured out you are saying, "quiet hour". Your talk is one of the absolute BEST I have heard yet. I regularly attend al-anon meetings (due to addiction of family members), and NO one in the room understands WHY I walk into the room, and squint, because the lighting is so ungodly ✨BRIGHT✨ I am the only person bothered by it, and they look at me so judgingly when I say I'd like to dim the lights.

[owenvaughan]

Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and eloquently.

[juliecarter]

Wow. Just wow. Thank you so much. You are amazing

[PACEMcail]

I want to say thank you so much *Dr. Aboda* totally recovered from autism

[lridley]

Oh Sonay amazing talk 👏🏼 you can hear the passion running through you!! Great presentation and you’re just brilliant xx

[ToksAruoture]

Loved this! Very insightful and beautifully delivered.

[bhutjolokia]

Awesome perspective!! I have Autism/ADHD and I also have 2 separate thoughts and 2 separate speeches. Thought plurality, I think, is a good term. Not 2 personalities because ultimately, I am 1. My autism was masked most of my life my senses are more acute my empath abilities are as well. Validation is an extremely important part of our motivation to keep pushing forward. Introspective thoughts help to keep things in perspective, which helps with self-acceptance because in order to be our true selves we need to accept who we are. Focus on our abilities because they are what makes us unique and define who we are. Disability is just a descriptor based on what is considered normal. You don't have autistic inertia or executive dysfunction, you have a complicated monotropic thought process. We prioritize but it depends where our hyperfocus or fixation is on at any given moment. Especially during our free time, my work routine is a different dynamic where my workspace is organized and my job is very routine, so lots of vocal stims and rocking or bouncing when talking to coworkers. My hobby work space is chaotic and the more i try to organize the more i seem to forget where things ended up. Dueling thoughts to say the least. Abrupt interuptions when you are in the zone is also problematic, and again, that is from being snapped out of intense focus, which can be confusing and frustrating, and this also points to the monotropism and like you mentioned the meeting where there is an unknown topic you can't transition to that task smoothly because you can't prepare mentally for the unknown. Your monotropic thoughts need to know as much as possible in advance for mental preparation. Then you become focused on what the unknown is and can't focus on other tasks at hand. Conundrum of conundrums🤔🤔🤣🤣 Thanks for the insight, love perspectives of our community!!👻🤪🌶🤘😎♾️

[loooveismusic]

Great talk. Thanks so much for inspiring and sharing.
💕