Cut Ties With My Hypercritical Parents?

Cut Ties With My Hypercritical Parents?

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[fortyseventhronin]

"Why do I have to do so much work for you to love me?" Oh man, that struck a major chord with me

[MicaelaShepherd]

I needed this... I am in the same boat as my parents, and the last two weeks have been emotionally devastating. My parents constantly criticize me. I have lost all joy in my life when I suppose to be super happy; my house is soon finished, I am graduating, and I am starting my own business, but I feel numb. I had enough of constantly criticizing and making me feel inadequate. I had enough drama and manipulation; I just wanted peace and acceptance. I am not trying anymore to show them I am a good person; I am choosing myself. If they don't see my value, I better communicate the minimal.

[kimberlysmith]

Carlos....Dr. Delony is spot on. Your parents have not respected the boundaries you've set. They keep pulling you back into their drama because they know they allow it. Firm up your boundaries and don't feel guilty about it. They will not respect you unless and until you first respect yourself. Draw a line in the sand and stick to it.

[ChristopherDonnerArtist]

I went through that with my mom at 19 and dad at 25 .

Finally realized they didn't want a relationship with me .

They have no say over my life

[ferngulleyhomestead]

I feel for this guy. He should be prepared for them to abandon him before he completely cuts ties. Some people when faced with concrete boundaries will go ahead and throw the relationship away because they don’t have any use for the person anymore. And that’s a whole different kind of pain. ❤

[deanalbertson]

Sometimes we need to minimize our contact with toxic people, and focus on building healthy relationships.

[emilybarnett]

It does really really hurt. When you are firm w boundaries and they are fine living without you, yeah, no child or adult child should have to feel like an orphan.

[MsCristina]

Choose guilt over resentment as Dr. Delony advises. Set firm boundaries. I did this in my own life and it really helped. You can do it ❤

[jillbaerg]

Oh how I understand. I had to cut out my family. My mom has NPD. My dad doesn't say anything to her, he doesn't want to upset her. My mom mentally and emotionally abused me till I was 37. It is HARD to cut ties. BUT it the best thing you can do. For me it was so hard to understand they didn't want me. Why they didn't love me. It does get easier. Find people that love you for who you are. My church family is my family. :-) I pray you find that! Hugs to you! It will be okay!!! <3

[Fauxrising]

I’m saving this to refer back to when I’m ready to reach out to my family. Carlos’s situation is identical to mine and I had made the choice to cut out my entire family. I have felt nothing but regret and guilt for years but now realizing I did the right thing for that little girl inside me. Slowly healing but this video helps me keep why it’s important front and center!

Thank you! Your words reach me as if I was sitting across from you in your office 😊

[JustinCase]

Trust me Carlos as you get older you are going to become more and more aware how screwed up the situation was during your childhood. Your brother does not desserve automatic respect because you're the younger brother. I learned to cut off my brother 100% while in my 40's and have zero regrets not being around a selfish a-hole.

[blitzkrieg]

Boundaries are only needed for rude people. Meaning, rude people are the only ones that you need to actively "set boundaries" with. Because well mannered, polite, considerate people have their own internal "boundaries" that they naturally don't cross. They don't tread on other people. They respect the privacy of others. They respect the space and belongings of others. They have good manners. They are civil human beings. They treat others the way they would like to be treated at all times. Therefore, polite humans are not the ones that require you to have these rough, awkward, soul draining "boundary conversations" with. Boundary conversations are strictly for entitled individuals who have no limits regarding what they are going to take from others. They are constantly "on the take". They are self serving. They have the audacity to enter your personal space (or home) and make themselves just a little bit too comfortable. Raid your refrigerator without asking. Grab your keys and take your car for a "joy ride" when you are in the shower. You get the idea. They are the perpetual "spoiled toddler" that plays stupid and pretends not to know better.

[tg]

Personally around six years ago I've cut off my "father", i only write it like that cuz he's never been what a father should be towards a daughter.
My life is better without him since he's always been toxic towards me and my life and then after intense therapy came to realise he was actually a sexual predator in my life abused me since i was 7 till i was 13 and then later abused me mentally till six years ago ..i am 37 now. You can do the math of how many years I've suffered under the influence of this monster) when i cut him off completely. I work on myself in therapy very hard to not be a victim or survivor of his but to be my own person who happened to have awful things happen to her by him. Cutting off toxic people especially in the family can make a huge change in the lives of those who put up with it. Life is too short to just"put up with it" .
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[tanichik]

Man! That totally sucks! My heart goes out to you Carlos! Family is so hard and honestly i wish i could send u a hug.

[beautepley]

I can relate in a distant way. I think I feel this guys pain. I just have neglectful parents as well and I'm kinda going through the same crap. I'm 31. Not much younger than this guy.

[codywaggoner]

I’ve had to play Diplomat with my parents and siblings my whole life. I’m now 31 with a family of my own. My wife’s family is so different to mine that it’s really open my eyes to how messed up my childhood was

[brendamoon]

35? It took me until age 56 to figure it out

[saywhatnow]

Wow. I know exactly what this guy is feeling and decisions he's trying to make.

[lisahinkofer]

Heal that hurting child. Walk away from the disfunction of your parents. You can’t do this anymore.

[paigec]

Delony shines in this episode, nailed it- the answer is it hurts!!

I have made it through the other side of this and this particular inner work is at the core, the root of most other problems we all may have. Lost both my parents to addiction and I’m living through my father in law being highly critical. My deepest cries have always been mourning these losses, after the outrage from the behavior there is the confusion of why don’t they love me/ treat me well and then the devastating realization of a relationship that never was as it requires their reciprocation.

The boundaries are huge!! It might even improve your relationship because really what you’re dealing with is another adult child who is trying to get their needs met and it might even allow them the structure to relax into a relationship with you, it doesn’t bring them closer to you either when they are critical so when those disconnecting doors of judgement and control are closed off for them, they are left with just a simple relationship based on bond, mutual respect, genuine care/interest and maybe even love if they chose to embrace it.