How To Deal With A Selfish Spouse - Gary Chapman

[FashnKween]

This is great for people who want to listen to each other. It doesn't seem to work with a selfish partner who doesn't care about your feelings.

[politereminder]

This works for normal people, not for abusive people. Sometimes the other person is the problem.

[Bluesnakes]

Thank you for this. I communicated for 7 yrs that we need change. I changed myself for the better (that’s the only thing in my control) & it takes me a great deal to keep up everyday. But, my partner was and is not willing to improve himself to come to a solution. His selfishness is damaging, fighting almost daily. No way to live life.

[momof]

The book, The Empowered Wife by Laura Doyle was a game changer in my marriage. You can only work on yourself.

[himanshumishra]

What if u r married for 12 years and always tried to adjust n adapt according to the other person but he doesn't even see it forget appreciate it... He takes everything for granted... Find a solution yes... Easier said than done wen dealing with a narcissist... Who never realises anything ☹️

[YuraCura]

the sad thing is, when I show this to my husband - he will only say "so you're admitting you're selfish then?" ... when I would be showing this to him to show him how he's made me feel all these years... and it isn't getting better. I would show him things like this or read him things like this only to react as "ok. iv'e read/seen it. whats your point?" ... i', past frustrated at this point...im apathetic.

[catbee]

But al of this must work both ways. For myself, my husband has been selfish for decades and I'm miserable. Not because I'm 'selfish' that I'm miserable, but because, plain and simple, he's made me miserable.

[lydiabothwell]

Let's spend our energy looking for a solution, rather than spending our energy trying to win the argument.

[qladyjean-francois]

I’m tired of marriage and all the disrespect

[patiencesilva]

But what if this is one sided? I’ve always had mutually respectful relationships, but with someone who only thinks of himself (this is him saying it) he doesn’t consider me or my feelings. So when I ask to understand, he loves it, only he doesn’t care to understand. He wants me to smile and be Happy with the breadcrumbs he offers. It’s beyond lonely. He wasn’t like this until we married. Do i give up and leave, or stay knowing he doesn’t care to give me love for whatever reason?
He doesn’t want a divorce, yet not sure how to love. It’s confusing and I need guidance.

[saltycat]

Seems like many people here aren't married to just a selfish person but rather a narcissist. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!

[achach]

My partner turns it on me! It is impossible with her. She just goes into denial, its not even safe to bring up an issue

[jesssurfs]

What if the person is making you physically sick??

[worldbestalways]

My husband thinks only of him. Everytime I ask for more care he gets angry and leave

[thechamp]

It’s us against the problem, not us against each other

[ss]

Thank you for this!! My only complaint? It was too short 😊😊😊

[neomacchio]

Exactly right. Marriages fail when one or both get selfish. Fact.

[smokingcrab]

Is it selfish to want someone reciprocate your feelings? Make you feel desired? Etc

[notrend]

It's not about being right or wrong it's about being a team player. When one person is doing all the work and the other person could care less about the problem or solution...not cool. Everyone can't afford divorce. It's like living together but not a marriage in my opinion. Or it's a terrible marriage. Then be mad when I say I'm not happy. Even jokes and tells me get my own house and things then. Sometimes the best solution is seperation.

[Alwizcaliteach]

Hmm. Preaching to the choir. The people here are looking for answers in how to deal with selfish, self-centered spouses who are confident that since you are a Christian they can be a bum and act AND TALK like a disrespectful, adolescent brat who does nothing outside of going to work 8 hours a day (as does the wife these days). There is much confusion here since a wife is 'supposed to be submissive.'