Dumped— because they ‘don’t want to hurt you’

One minute they love you. The next, they dump you. Why? They “don’t want to hurt you.” What does that mean?

Ashley writes, “Hi Susan, I had a girlfriend for a month and everything about our relationship was great, she told me that I was the only one who cared about her and that she doesn't want to lose me. Then she told me that she was going to hurt me somehow so chose to leave me, it was sudden and weird. Why are people so indecisive these days, I really don't get it.”

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[extremepop]

Usually "I dont want to hurt you" means theyre already doing things that are hurting you behind your back.. they dont want you to find out and be destroyed. So its best to let you go now.

[tonedawg]

When someone says “I don’t want to hurt you” they are telling you what’s going to happen in the future!

[jazzauthor]

People will TELL YOU who they are. Listen.

[piscesdyme]

You are right on point. Speaking straight facts! Take it for what it is. The sooner you accept these things the better you will feel. It’s not always about you why someone doesn’t want to be with you. Some people are just internally damaged and incapable of loving you the way you deserve in that moment.

[simini]

As to option 3: I have once read an article that psychologically damaged people often back out before love gets intense. Agree with you Susan that this a bumpy road that I wouldn't recommend. Usually its better to let people first fix themselves and no to try to interfere or help. In the article it was also stated that "backing out people" paradoxically often attract "people fixers" and together they are a train wreck waiting to happen.

[mlbm]

When a guy say this they just mean sex . Literally will throw all sex signals and avoid any commitment but pretend to act like a bf . Some will clearly say we’re not together but let me go ahead and try to get in ur pants anyway. But I don’t want to “ hurt you” . Best resolution ? Cannot stay friends that becomes weird ..

[ashley]

If a person doesn't know what they want, why are they giving anyone a false hope I don't understand, but I agree your thoughts Susan, thank you.

[jessicadelafuente]

I am on the opposite end of the one asking for advise. I broke up with the only man I have ever met and experienced who actually loved all of me. It was on and off for over a year and I decided to end things because I didn’t want to hurt him anymore. I was also hurting my self.

As Ms. Winter says, the person may have a lot of internal issues and this is very true for me. I battle anxiety and depression and maybe some trauma that’s been difficult to overcome.
It hurt so much to keep failing him and failing myself where I began to dislike who I was becoming. So it took a lot for me to finally let him go and be with someone who is mentally and emotionally stable because I do want to see him happy. Meanwhile I’ll be on my journey to recover and falling in love with myself to hopefully find him again or just find love.
Thank you Ms. Winter for being the extension of voice for those of who battle “crazy” things in relationships. I Can say on behalf of all of us that we genuinely feel less alone.

[RedRubySlippers]

I was told this, he kept saying over and over he didn't want to hurt me. He did. It was very heartbreaking. He didn't want to move things further to the next step which would have been a committed relationship. Two in a half months later he was in a whole relationship. It was so sad and I was so hurt. I didn't know what I did or said. This always happens to me, guys won't even make a commitment to me and stop talking to me, then I find out their in a whole relationship.

[jartotable]

Dumped is better always than be ghosted. People are just too flighty. They just jump in wanting instant gratification and aren't that into you for the long run.

[olgaalemany]

You are right, It happened to me, everything went great and he told me that he is not ready for a relationship and I deserve someone much better than him. He makes me a big favor .thanks

[jordansdanielofficial]

As someone who dumped someone with “I’m going to hurt you” when I didn’t want something serious and hadn’t dealt with my intimacy issues, and then someone who was dumped when ready with the same thing, the best advice I give is accept it, heal from it and find someone else who won’t hurt you.

They will come, when you believe you deserve it they show up, and people before that are just tests.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[happythoughts]

Auntie Susan, how do you just know what messages we need to hear? Thank you for the clarity you always provide. Sending you hugs of gratitude 🤗 💚

[AkaHeart]

Sometimes you have to remember the old cliché “If it’s meant to be, it will be” and chalk it up to another learning experience! Love should not start out being complicated.
🎶Che sera, sera……whatever will be will be!

[Suraaao]

Thank you for this video 💜💜💜

I did this one time. I pushed a man away from me when I started have feeling towards him because I know I will hurt him. but now I understand that I was afraid of the love because I don't want to be hurt. that's all about I am fearful attachment style

[Slaughterproof]

This is way too accurate to my situation and it was pretty hard for me to finish the video... Why can't she just come to her senses and realize we have a future together? If she can't figure that out, I'm probably better off then.

[kaizen]

4. I will not take advantage of you because I really care about you and I will not hurt you

[emilytreu]

My advice? When someone says this believe them and walk the other way. No need for any other explanations

[bofebofe]

The truth stings but this message was needed. Thanks Susan

[robpz]

"I don't want to hurt you." I'm glad me and my ex ended on radio silence. We loved eachother but the rose pedals withered away.