Why your habits never stick

🤘 Where I get my music...

Hi there 👋 If you're new to my videos my name is Matt D'Avella. I'm a documentary filmmaker, entrepreneur and YouTuber. I've made a couple documentaries for Netflix. I also teach courses on everything from filmmaking to habit change. If you like to nerd out about self-development as much as I do, you can subscribe for weekly videos.

🔗 LINKS

🎬 Credits
Director… Matt D'Avella
Producers… Matt D’Avella & Emma Norris
Editors… Matt D’Avella & Spencer Torok

🎥 INTERVIEW CREDITS
Director… Matt D’Avella
DP... Chris Newhard
B Cam... Dan Mendenhall
Gaffer... James Powers
Grip... Jon Barden
Sound Op... Joey DeFeo

[redlightmax]

My key takeaway from this video - 3:38 Matt: "As counterintuitive as it sounds, when you stop focusing on the long-term benefits that you're seeking, and start focusing on making the habit immediately enjoyable, you'll find that behavior change starts to get a little more effortless."

[nathanieljohnson]

As a 22 year old man that feels stuck often, this video was much needed. I’m writing this stuff down and I will apply this stuff to make my life a little less stressful and foggy.

[caedengoering]

I think a lot of this also comes down to our self talk. With the gym as a great example. If we keep saying “suck because I can’t keep up this gym habit” when we miss one morning versus “bummer this morning didn’t work out. When else can I get to the gym today?” we can beat back that rigidity. Becoming the kind of person who goes to the gym every day instead of the person who is a failure if they miss one is a huge identity shift.

[christinaa]

Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. When I miss my routines or habits it really gets me down. But life isn’t rigid. So my routines shouldn’t be either. Flexibility for the win!

[BryceKoebel]

I think I unintentionally learned the "do the fun thing while doing something not fun" a couple weeks ago. I love watching netflix, but I always watch while I work and it kills my productivity. I tried to tell myself to only watch my show when doing the dishes or cooking food, and it honestly makes me look forward to doing the dishes... which sounds crazy 🤣

[khayyamaurelius]

I can never stick to a rigid schedule and always thought I was just lazy. Lately I've adopted a more "chaotic" approach with very little structure and basically no planning besides a to-do list and I actually started getting shit done! The part about variability actually surprised me, I thought I was an outlier because how everyone always seemed to talk about their very strict schedules.

[Scottlp]

Atomic habits: arrange physical things to make doing desired things easier, and undesirable habits harder.

[Chiffonkek]

I always had a lingering thought in the back of my mind that variability was the issue because I'm super rigid with my routines. This video reaffirmed that strongly and I can't thank you enough for that.

So to apply your lessons:
1. Exercise - Varying the timing and intensity based on when I get off work and my energy levels.
2. Money - Setting a fixed amount to save every month for important things, but also varying the amount I give myself for leisure depending on how many times I performed a certain habit in a month.
3. Sleep - I'm setting a reminder that pings me to go to bed, but I will vary the time each month/week so I won't fall into rigidity.

Fingers crossed!!

[MarshmilloJB]

Variability wins over consistency, when consistency breeds rigidity.

I built a gym habit that is flexible. I will go 3-6 times a week, any days of the week, 1 hour of working out, and I can do anything in that hour. It’s not the most efficient for gains, but I’ve maintained my gym habit for years now.

I weigh 108 lbs now, which looks just right on my petite frame. I have a jawline now! 🥳 and my knees don’t hurt when climbing the stairs.

[sam_the_penguin_man]

I did manage to build a new habit: watching every single new video from Matt, 'cause they're great

[dannybucks]

Timestamps:

0:27 Why your habits never stick
1:19 Long tail effects of our actions are a modern predicament
2:11 How to use habits changes to our advantage
3:51 How to keep consistency in your behavior change
5:38 Sticking your habits long enough for them to become automatic
8:14 Think carefully about what the obstacles are going to be in context of success
9:35 Ask yourself a few questions before start changing

Thanks for the video!

[NeilKollipara]

Having that second and third best time as an alternate is so crucial. Things come up and sometimes that “ideal” time-slot gets taken up by something else that is more urgent. This video was a solid reminder that if the ideal time slips away, there is another option.

[MrGilperc]

I've been trying to be more consistent in my drum practice routine. Using insights from your video, I see that I should prepare my dinner for the next day the night before. Then, when I come home from work I will practice for an hour with the reward being the dinner I prepared the night before. I think this will eliminate a lot of the friction that is keeping me from forming my practice routine.

[javirrrro]

I actually noticed that I'm already applying this technique. I've always loved training and going to the gym, but reading has always been my weakest habbit. So by setting my reading time to the train journey to and from the gym I've managed to pick up the habbit and have already read three books in the last two months

[tubbycustard]

Ninety percent of success is just showing up. I have been going to the gym for the past 3 months without fail, but I also don't force myself to go at a certain time. I just make sure I go that day and give it my best when I'm there

[ameykarhade]

Definitely incorporating "frequent and flexible" approach. I was missing that angle as I thought doing something at the same time every day meant it was a routine.

[ConsumerTechReview]

I recently finally concreted my habit of waking up every single morning at 6:45. Your videos have been super integral in that happening, so thank you! Great video as always!

[risika]

I’ve had to overhaul how I approach studying, working out and journaling by practising mediocre consistency.

Now I try to put in consistent 40-60% effort into my habits - to make sure I do it I began recording it and posting it on yt channel.

historically I have a habit of going too hard, not being able to sustain the Herculean effort, giving up and hating myself. So now I’m trying to give a small, consistent mediocre effort & surprisingly/unsurprisingly its adds up. And I’ve made the most progress in my mental health and physical health to date.

[bumblebee_ms]

Great point, 'start a new habit by being flexible and consistent', I noticed the ones that stick I naturally did this.

[kosmasfit]

Its kinda similar with the fresh start problem for me,
Everyday in the morning there is a fresh start, but if smth happens and you miss it, you need to adapt and move on without losing track