The HARSH TRUTH about couples sleeping in separate bedrooms.

🚨Harsh Truth🚨

There are many reasons couples sleep separately:

⚠️child care issues
⚠️illnesses
⚠️ work schedule issues
⚠️snoring
⚠️hot sleepers
⚠️sleep apnea
⚠️IBS
⚠️precious sleepers
⚠️muscle/nerve pain
⚠️restless leg, etc

These are real problems that must be dealt with not brushed aside. They may indicate significant underlying health issues that need to be treated.

Experiencing these can be a major stressor + inconvenience to you both, but it’s important to preserve the health of your relationship as a priority.

It’s imperative that you see these issues as external threats to your stability + health as a couple + an individual, not build resentment towards the symptomatic partner.

When we’re under stress it can be easy to project our frustrations onto our partner, especially when their difficulties are what’s causing the stress.

But blaming/shaming are never okay + you may not realize that you’re doing it. It’s also common that the symptomatic partner blames/shames themselves, feels guilty + ostracizes themselves.

This can be a symptom of people pleasing + self limiting beliefs e.g. “I have to earn love,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m unlovable.”

It’s important for couples to turn toward each other + address the problem together in a unified front.

What’s best for the relationship is going to be time sensitive + contextual but don’t lose sight of the bigger picture:

👉🏽Your relationship health must stay your No. 1 priority against all other commitments, barring unreasonable threats to your own health.

You may think barriers to your sleep (listed above) warrant sleeping in separate spaces, but this should be a temporary measure to respond to immediate crisis + not the norm.

There are many benefits of sleeping
in the same bed:

🔅oxytocin, dopamine + serotonin release (bonding)
🔅lowers cortisol
🔅increases safety/security
🔅better sleep quality
🔅schedule/circadian rhythm synching
🔅lowers blood pressure
🔅reduces inflammation
🔅strengthens immune system
🔅enhances cohesion, connection
+ emotional intimacy
🔅symbolic of the marital union

You can overcome the problem as a team!

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Welcome to the Sweet Spot🎯

I'm Dr. Taylor Burrowes, Vetting + Relationship Expert & retired therapist
@taylorburrowes 👋🏽

Here’s a little more ABOUT ME:

🤓 I’m a retired mental health counselor & marriage, couples and family therapist and now work as a vetting and relationship expert coaching/consulting men and women to become their ideal self, create their ideal life and cultivate ideal relationships.

WANT MY HELP?

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💟THANKS FOR WATCHING💟

#relationshipadvice #sleep #couples

[DrTaylorBurrowes]

💟THAKS FOR WATCHING 💟

What general questions do you have for me about vetting, dating, relationships, polarity, integration, etc? Reply to this comment below with your examples⬇️

[ABreitbarth]

My husband and I have slept in separate bedrooms for years. We have been married 40 years. People think its because there is no love, absolutely wrong. Wouldnt have been married 40 years. He has restless leg syndrome and sleep apnea, he is up all night with it, gets up late. I get up at 5 a.m everyday. Its what works for the couple and it has worked for us. Its actually made us closer.

[dennisahlarson]

We train babies to sleep alone though. We give children their own rooms to sleep in. We spend our entire childhood sleeping alone and then magically we are expected to sleep, and sleep well, in the bed with another person when we get married. The definition of insanity. If the goal for us is to bed-share as adults, why bother sleep training and promoting solitary sleep for children? Wouldn't it make sense to teach co-sleeping etiquette from infancy so that it is a familiar practice that continues seamlessly once marriage begins?

[kevini]

Don't care about anyone's opinion. Do what works for you. I am happily single! I have a close circle of friends. But I like my own space.

[oldmanfunky]

My wife and I are on 27 years together and we sleep in separate bedrooms. When it is time for love it is time for love, when it is time to sleep it is time to sleep. We don't have to listen to snoring or smell each others farts unless we want too! And the good doctor here is way off base by making sound as if sleeping in separate bedrooms is somehow bad. If you read the comment section all the people saying we sleep in separate bedrooms have been married for a very long time. I'm curious how long the good doctor has been married? Because my wife and I haven't "traded off" anything. We are very happy and going strong, thank you very much.

[ronnishae]

I completely disagree with this. My husband and I sleep in separate rooms/ beds and that’s what works for us. He’s definitely not my roommate. Why shouldn’t it be normalized? This is a terrible video that screams judgement on others living choices. Co-sleeping is great for some people and not so much for others.

[nodiggity]

A dear friend of mine is a Tantric Sex teacher, one of the first suggestions she recommends seprate rooms. She has a fire sex life, and she and her man have their own rooms.

[hypnotizingeyes]

I love having my own bedroom and a king size bed just for myself 😂❤

[thexcoffin]

I have a huge problem with insomnia and light sleep overall, it's easy to wake me up, I can only fall asleep alone. Since I was little I CANNOT sleep with someone else in my room, let alone in my bed. Sharing a bedroom with my partner would actually ruin our relationship because I would be sleep deprived and let's be honest NO PERSON can be good and caring if you are not sleeping well. When I don't sleep well I become very angry and out of control. I think that it's important to look into each person, to find the answer to this. Some couples work better if they share the bed, and some don't. Both of them are right and good for you depending on your situationship. If you don't prioritize your sleep quality you can't be a good partner and person. For that you have to be well rested.

[talon]

let me just not sleep and lay next to my husband while he snores in my ear 🥰

[NimbleX-MC]

I 100% disagree with everything you are saying. Personally we have tried sleeping together but neither of us get any sleep. That is entirely ridiculous. I think you have a very black and white idea of love. Love comes in many shades.

[alejandrojaviergarci]

I fart...snore...move... scatch... etc. I don't want to interrupt my wife's sleep...plus, we'll play my place...your place from time to time. And we have kids.

[ME-cdbs]

There's nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds!! This is ridiculous.

My husband and I slept in the same bed for years and were MISERABLE because we always interrupted each other's sleep. Ever since we started sleeping in separate rooms, it's improved our relationship. We always cuddle before splitting off to sleep separately.

We both have PTSD and chronic illness so sleep is scarce to begin with.

Even if you simply want your space at night, do it if it'll improve your sleep - don't let this video discourage you from doing so. Your circadian rhythm is linked to hormones, mood, energy, and much more. If you can't sleep bc of your partner, separate bedrooms can be a marriage saver.

[jadams]

So you believe that risking your health by exposing yourself to sleep deprivation is less important than aligning to social norms. I'm kind of glad you aren't my doctor. I'm also glad I have an enlightened husband who agrees that getting a good night's sleep is more important than living according to outdated social norms.

[CGermain-sl]

I am not having a woman that sleeps in another room…I love her unconditionally but I am part of this marriage with a needs etc. I am tired of being separated and reduced to a friend while I pay all the bills. I must let her know soon that I cannot wait forever…Other women out there that would Love to have a man that makes her Priority and she reciprocates in all ways to keep the Union Strong!!!…

[RONNYMORRISMUSIC]

I fully disagree. It all depends what rules you have for being in a relationship. If you like to have flirtation, fantasy etc. with a person long term, you need to create that space. What ever you do to much, your brain will get bored with. A little separation is good. That private space, informs you about yourself and helps you stay independent in the relationship. Most people I see in long term relationships loose all of the above. It is very easy. Look at what was in place when you met each other. Look at what excites anyone about an affair and you have the recipe. You can use that knowledge to spice up and maintain a healthy, passionate relationship in years to come.

[roytoy]

I despice flannel and she only wears flannel pajamas. She started snoring recently and woke me up several times at night and my cpap would wake her up when it leaks which any CPAP user will tell happens a lot. Especially for side sleepers.

I am a hot sleeper so I sleep naked. She get cold very easily.

I like a hard bed she wants to sleep in a cloud. Sex disapeared when she became perimenopausal which I know can be decades long.

True... we no longer have a conection and the sex life she bragged about to her friends and sisters is all gone. To maybe once a month if that.

I resent her... deeply and she does too. She is uninterested in therapy and so am I as a result.

But... its given me space for self discovery. I am more focused on my needs and my success.

I agree, separate rooms is a symptom of a much larger problem or series of them.

We are slowly but surely becoming two very different persons... which leads me to know that we both bended who we really are to fit into each others narratives. But like I always said... we are who we are. Who we really are always comes back.

I would like to see her happy but I cant help her there. She has to take care of her own happines before I try to contribute. And I now refuse to contribute to her happines at the expense of mine.

Which includes sleeping. I think we both were willing to accommodate each other years ago. But neither of us are now and we both sustain this husk of a relationship mostly due to financial reasons.

So yes... I initially wanted to disagree with the Doctor here but the more I think about it... she is right. If the relationship started with cosleeping and it transformed then it really is a symptom or a much bigger problem.

[BadddDoggg-idpo]

My wife moved out of my bedroom ten years ago. I'm still trying to get her back.

[ralfj.]

If it annoys you that your partner snores and you don't get your sleep, better sleep in separate rooms. I'm not going to make any foul compromise any more, if she keeps me awake snoring she's out. Ear plugs? No, they slide out after a while. Wearing face masks doesn't feel good when you're rolling around in bed.

[jacqueslee]

It is better. This is a traditional view of marriage. You don't need to sleep next to your partner to consummate your relationship. Your sleep patterns can differ and eventually this will damage your relationship.