The Darkest Truth About Love

We're generally hugely upbeat about how relationships might go. But every now and then, we should allow ourselves a glimpse of the darkest realities.

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Hannah Jacobs

Lara Lee

[olgagarcia]

I don't recommend this video for depressive people.

[Lynnvandenbrink]

Maybe you won't be understood by one person, but different people will understand different parts of you.

[googlejse]

the truth is that we've known this all along, the pain comes from refusing to accept it

[greencomet]

“Love is a delusion. However, when two people believe that same delusion that love becomes reality” - Ryukishi07

[goobiroo]

I think some people don't understand how positive this video is...
1. You'll never find the RIGHT person.
This most likely means the perfect ideal person in one's head.
2. You'll never be understood.
This most reasonably means someone else cannot understand you like you can.
3. Therefore the ideal "telepathic" love is an illusion.
Because someone who is perfect in your head AND can have access to your mind/memories does not exist. This is talking about the stereotypical movie fantasy love in which couples are the perfect ideal for one another and can read their mind 100%.

This means that:
1. There is something WRONG with everyone.
Because we break the ideal person and we vary in our personality, skills and physical appearance. One person that fits the perfect ideal AND can read minds is very very unlikely to exist. We're all too diverse to satisfy someone exactly. This doesn't mean there aren't people that can build trust and learn how to care for one another. This point warns us not to look for perfection, but to look for growth.

2. This also calls for growth. One needs to learn how to take care (therefore understand as much as possible) other people. Someone cannot understand you 100%; you cannot understand someone 100%. This calls for not perfection, but growth in communication.

3. Therefore the perfectionism in love is an illusion. All we can do is learn how to care for one another to make this existencial loneliness less lonely.

[prashantvicky]

"The idea of love distracts us from an existential loneliness."
I never thought about love in that way.

[Misskatem]

I love being reminded that we are all struggling. It is comforting. And makes me stop fighting the fight.

[Majidame]

No one :
Youtube : you will never find the right person

[xbkzvhx]

I think the ending is what really signifies what love is about. Even knowing these things, you cast them all aside and forget they even exist just to be in a state of momentary bliss with someone you love.

[CupidsGrimReapR]

Love is only as real as you make it.. If there is someone in your life whom you love, go forth and feel that way.

[rogeruriach]

"The idea of love distracts us from an existential loneliness", fuck that hit hard

[macsarcule]

I think this video is for someone who has extreme ideas of perfection in another human and remarkably high expectations of what a relationship can be like. 

I found the right person for me. I was understood by her far better than anyone ever has. There was no illusion to me of what that felt like to be cared for by another person for the first time in my life. 

Every day with her was amazing, because the most mundane moments came with the recognition of good fortune by both of us. It was a quiet, joyous peace of two people healing each other in the ways we each needed to heal.

When she suddenly died one morning after a short six years together, it was devastating. But the incredible love we had for each other is something I still carry and will always treasure. I do not pretend this kind of love is available to everyone. While i will never stop missing her, this depth of love is what continues to make me incredibly grateful to have experienced it at all.

[sarahosman]

I understand people think this video is depressing. But in fact, it's the quite oppisite. It is very deliberating to know these truths. Because if we are unawere of the things said in the video, it could lead to a lot of heartbreak and pain.

- You will never find the right person. We tend to have this fantasy about someone who is perfect and can solve all our problems. This is not possible and having these expectations will lead to a painful disappointment.
- We were born alone and will die alone. Expecting your partner to consistently fulfill this hole in your heart caused by (the fear of ) loneliness is an unfair standard. We need to find a way to feel whole by ourselves. Your partner will be able to love and care for you, yes, but only we can fulfill that hole in our heart. As soon as we learn how to do that we can love our partner unconditionally and form a healthy relationship.
- there is something wrong with everyone. Nobody is perfect. If you are able to ambarce your flaws and accept and love yourself exactly as you are, you can accept and love anyone exactly as they are. We tend to look for external validation in the form of love to feel worthy. But the most powerful validation for our self-worth can only come from within.

I hope this helps anyone

[RumchevStefan]

I actually believed in these statements my whole life...When we think we're in love, we actually just delude ourselves from our lonesomeness. It's true.

But I won't deny that the delusion of love is beautiful.

[ShaaaaN]

This is not depressing, it's liberating

[Improperman]

"you will never find the right person"

I can't even find the wrong person, I tend to shove people away, because I'm afraid of attachment, I'm afraid I can't love someone enough, I always wonder how long until people I know start to hate me.

[sterlthepearl]

If we're best friends with ourselves, we'll never be alone. And how we shouldn't be with someone to be happy, but be someone to be happy.

[saint_gales]

yet i still want to love with all my heart

[daveodell]

Love exists...we just want it to be something different. More permanent. More tangible. More all-encompassing. When we understand its true nature we can actually experience it all the time.

[SYEDFURY]

Love of two partners is truly an illusion. A person cannot be owned. To get a lover, you have to build your self and that’s why you are alone, on your own. But we tend to pass time with others. That’s how we end up in relationships. Deep down, we are all alone. Alone we achieve things, alone we win relationships. Loneliness and being on your own is a boon, not a bane.