Long-Distance Relationships – The BRUTAL Truth About How to Make Them Work (Matthew Hussey)

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For a long time I thought it was crazy how many women asked me to talk about this topic.

But now, I realize the reason is obvious: In 2017, more of us are doing long-distance relationships than ever.

You meet a great guy on Instagram who doesn’t live in the same country...

You start dating the perfect man in your city, only to find out he’s been offered a new job 1000 miles away…

And suddenly, you find yourself having “Skype dates”, and you now spend half your work day sending silly photos to each other on Whatsapp.

You feel like you’re falling in love with this guy – but can it actually work long term??

Should you follow your heart and go for it, or should you listen to your head and call it quits? What’s the answer?

These are big questions, so I decided this it was time to be super honest about long-distance and my thoughts on it.

Here’s what you really need to know...

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[misstarshiny]

I agree with what the guy on the video said, a long distance relationship works only if the two of them are on the same page and work towards being geographically together in the future. There needs to be an end goal otherwise it's a waste of time.

[hpleft]

LDR are very hard but can be worth it. My parents entered a LDR after a year of dating for 2 years. They sent a letter to each other every single day for 2 years. My dad still keeps all the letters my mom sent him in those 2 years in a box in their closet. They have been happily married for 30 or so years. If they could do it before skype, texting, snap chat and all the ways we have created to keep in touch with each other can too. I hope my parents story can give hope to those in LDR who are really trying to make it work.

[clover]

A long distance relationship is a PROMISE, not a relationship. You promise to be in a relationship in real life. You promise to work it out and end the distance. You promise to have a future with the person. It's all promises, and it can be broken so easily. When you think about ldr, you literally have to say, "this will not and should not be permanent." If you truly like/love someone, ldr is temporary. It has to end somehow.

[nattalovely]

Just broke up with someone who I thought was the love of my life. We were in a long distance relationship for 8 months but we were involved long before that. It was the hardest thing in my life to accept the fact that this wouldn't be long term. He had way different priorities than I and it wouldn't be sustainable with me carrying the relationship on my back. To all the women (and men) out there in a similar situation. I promise it's better to be alone than with someone who makes you FEEL alone.

[Olmessi]

I am in a long distance relationship yeah my boyfriend lives in the future ...how about that lol #IamOut

[maalegc]

Am I the only one who doesn't have to much problem with LDR? I kind a like it. I have enough time to concentrate on study, college and work. Of course we talk everyday, have videocalls regularly. Is not perfect but is not that bad either

[cbatt]

My husband and I were in a 4 year LDR before we married. It was hard but we survived. Most relationships fail- so you can’t generalize that a LDR is bad because many of them fail. It wasn’t till we were married and saw other couples that we realized how much stronger being apart had made us. Communication skills are the only thing that keeps a LDR working.... and surprise surprise- it helps when your married too! LDR are not easy, but like a lot of hard things, they can be very rewarding.

[OneWhoReads]

I seriously think long distance really is all about the dedication of two people towards each other. It's not about how much time we spend with one another it's the time we give someone to make them feel that they have someone there for them.

[Emilyspeace]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship, and have been since December 2013. It takes so much trust, patience, and understanding. We have met 4 times, the most recent meeting ending just 2.5 weeks ago. Being together felt like a dream. However, we have no idea when we will close the distance, as our situation is very complicated even though he is willing to move to be with me. In the meantime, we Skype hours every single day, and do our best to keep out spirits up even when we're missing each other. Just thought I'd share my experience. Here's to LDR couples staying strong. <3

[Bonita]

A bit of advice about this topic: long distance relationships can leave us spiritually and emotionally stinted as they are only partial relation-ships. To really get to know someone requires close ties, working through issues, seeing how our beloved treats others, communication even when things are difficult, developing trust by seeing they won't take off when things get tough, developing shared interests, among many other elements. If we exist in a bubble of wishing they were here (and they aren't) sets up longing and unfulfilled desires which will undermine us in that relationship, and even carry over to the next one.

If it is not a temporary situation, be careful how long this continues, I would say.

[camilamorais]

Many people saying that long distance relationships allow us to know one's soul more deeply. It's definitely not like that. I truly believe that it doesn't matter how much time you're in a relationship with someone, you don't know them as deeply as you would if you were actually nearby. We have characteristics that people can only see when they're with us daily, during the good, bad and boring moments of our days. I've been in a LDR for a year and, whenever I meet my boyfriend during my trips, I discover something (and not always pleasant) about him. It doesn't mean he's fake or that he hides his flaws, but just that, as I said, there're many things we can only see when we're with our partner.

[roxanneruiz]

Just because your partner is not present with you, it doesn't mean that you can be out partying or flirting with someone else knowing you are already committed to the person you are with. Whether he, she, etc lives a thousand miles away. As for the intimacy part, well when you are in a ldr you get to connect with the person more emotionally than physically, whilst getting to know the person a whole lot better. And isn't that the most important part? To communicate? I am in a long distance relationship for five years and still going strong. In order for it to work out both of the parties need to be on the same page, the same understandment. Know it will take a lot of time, patience, dedication, and sacrifice and if you are not cut of with it, then the relationship will flounder.

[truskakwa]

So this maybe will help someone. After almost 3 years of long-distance, my fiance broke up with me, we were getting married in February. Now, I do not understand the real reasons, but I never got to travel 11 000 km to find out. My heart is shattered to pieces, and it's been almost three months. This is kind of why I got to this channel, to seek advice, but may I give you one. If he is not willing to see you through these extraordinary circumstances and make effort to make you a priority, he isn't worth it. I almost worshipped him, yes, I still love, love isn't something that ends after a breakup. But, it hurts so much and I know, women leave everything for men more ofthen. Guard your hearts guys.

[taraking]

I met my husband 10 years ago. He was in the Navy and deployed to Australia to work with our Army. We reconnected through social media a year and a half ago, and did long distance for 6 months until I could visit him in the US. We’re lucky I’m a dual citizen and after a few months of selling and packing my life up, now we’re together and couldn’t be happier!! It can work as long as you have a clear plan, communicate well and commit to your relationship.

[xlx]

6 years and in the end I realized I fell in love with what I thought we were, not actually what was truth. You do miss out a lot, unfortunately you never get to know their real self unless you see them in real life and interact with them. That taught me the reality that I wasn't happy with him, as much I as I loved him, he wasn't for me as I panned out in my mind about him.

[JessieLewis]

Me too! I moved to Brazil to be with my boyfriend last year, now he has come to the US and we will marry in one month.

The distance allows you to get to know them DEPENDING on their investment.

[candracarter]

"Can't have him? We'll see about that" I freaking died.

[emoreland]

I like Jonathan's comment. That's what it all boils down to-is one willing to move to where the other one lives. I met my now husband while in the military while stationed overseas in Japan. He was from Massachusetts and I was originally from Ohio. Before he ever proposed to me, we talked about where we would settle down and live and raise a family. I would have liked to have moved back to Ohio, but my husband had a dream of going back to the Boston area and practicing law. Not only that, but his bar license was from Massachusetts and he wouldn't be able to get reciprocity in any other state without taking the bar exam again. I agreed to move to Massachusetts with him and my mom was so broken hearted because I didn't move back to Ohio. She described it to people that it seemed like she "lost" me, as if I were dead. She resented me for it. She passed away a couple of years ago. I wasn't there when she was sick, but I was there with her for her final days. I feel guilty that I wasn't there more for her, but I had my own life in Massachusetts with raising kids and a full time job. It's definitely something to think about. Yeah, I missed my family. My mom had 7 siblings, and only 2 of them are left. My dad had 3 siblings and only 2 of them are left. He passed away when I was 15. It's been hard hearing about your aunts and uncles slowly all dying away. I haven't lived in Ohio for 26 years, but I go back to visit often. But what do you do when someone you have fallen in love with has a goal of being a lawyer at a firm in Boston which is far away from where your family is in Ohio. It's like I had to choose my husband over my family. A day hardly goes by without me thinking about how much my mom would call me and tell me how much she missed me and wished that I would move back to Ohio. I have been happily married for 19 years and I don't regret the decision I made, but everyday, I have this guilty feeling lurking over me. I've learned that you have to go where life takes you.

[loripotkay]

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years… then I moved when we bought a house together 🙂❤️ we have been together 8 years together 6 of them living together.

[rethadh]

I wish I watched this video earlier... I spent 5 years to be with someone far away, it finally ended 2 years ago... it was really sad... I finally realized that if someone wants to be with u, they will make the effort...