Harsh Truth About Couples Therapy

[nina-mill]

Yup. Back in 2018/2019 I was dating an emotionally manipulative person - charismatic upfront, very sneaky underneath. Going to couples with them just gave them the tools to manipulate more effectively. Glad to be out now! Many therapists aren't prepared to deal with an emotionally abusive partner effectively. Thank you Patrick!!!

[kimifcation]

So true. Been there and the therapist actually told us after about 6 sessions she couldn’t help us because he was so avoidant and refusing to do any of the work we needed to do together.

[arikaGME]

I did couples therapy with my ex. After 8 years of ups and downs, we either needed to mature or breakup. He was constantly making drama and gaslighting me. That’s when I accepted it NEVER would get better. I realized that I couldn’t tolerate faking normalcy. It’s better to be alone than resentful and always on edge.

[dawnhayes]

So true, my husband and I have done therapy, classes, retreats etc but not because we needed to “fix something”. We go so we can have tools in our toolbox so if something arises we can handle it in a healthy way. But the key word here is WE. I’m blessed to have a partner who works as hard as I do in our relationship. We have been together since we were 15, have had 4 kids which 2 have had life threatening and lifelong illnesses. I don’t know how our relationship would be now if we had not put in the hard work together that helped build our foundation. If your partner however doesn’t want to go, it’s better to just go to work on yourself because in the end that’s all you have control over.

[lunadust]

I experienced this first hand. Husband sat there with arms and legs crossed and sold the therapist a golden story of his childhood. He told me differently. She ate it up, and in me being totally honest and open about my experience she basically put all the blame on me. She didn't see past his bs. Needless to say stopped going, to her, and started solo sessions with another therapist.

[YoungBlasarius]

My dad just recently shared with me that my mom stood him up for their couples therapy appointments when I was a toddler. They’ve been stuck in their unhappy marriage my whole life and considering my mom’s behavior this whole time I can only imagine the things my dad has suffered through. Though they’re technically still together, they most definitely didn’t work out. It’s so sad to see how much time my dad wasted.

[athlene]

I just want to thank you so much for saying this! I appreciate so much that you just tell it like it is Patrick. I really dislike when therapists do not just tell you, hey, that's not alright that that is happening to you. As childhood trauma survivors it can be extremely difficult to understand when someone is treating us badly as you explain countless times on your channel. Just thank you so much for your videos and teachings.

[lauragilpinlag]

You are 1000% correct. My ex husband literally tricked me into going to couples therapy. Said we were going to dinner. Lol. A year after doing that, I started going to a therapist to evaluate whether I wanted to stay in the relationship and process through things. She suggested that he was really shut down and “emotionally lazy” and that the best course of action was him to engage with another therapist and then eventually bring us together for couples therapy after working independently. When I talked to him about it, he refused. So I said, “Ok. So, you are fine with couples therapy. And you’re fine with me going to a therapist, but you won’t go to a therapist?” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “That, to me, indicates that you believe I’m the problem here.” He said, “Yeah.” I said, “Yeah, ok, we are definitely getting divorced.”

[petrastrong]

SO true! Thanks for telling the truth!
AND many therapists are I’ll prepared to resist being gaslit by narcissists. Leaving the well intentioned codependent spouse out gunned…again.
Great work Patrick!!
Keep ‘em coming!

[merari]

This exactly why after the first round of couples therapy I realized it was useless. Thank you for articulating that so clearly.

[NellyBlyAlibi]

I really appreciate your genuine commitment to translating your lived experience and insights into tools. You truly care to help and it shows. Thank you!

[jamaf]

Absolutely. I was told by my therapist and my couples therapist that I was carrying the marriage alone. He eventually showed up, but would lie just to look good to the therapist, but didn't follow through with anything and shut me out when we would get home. I have since left the marriage. It was too broken 💔

[oohily]

Oooh. I wanted to go to couples therapy for my ex who was not open to going without me. Glad I didn’t waste my money.

[Bee-ofuu]

Wow wow wow my heart is sad for the people who truly sought out help and weren't able to reach breakthroughs, empathy or appreciation. It must've really been so vulnerable to ask for that help and not be met with results.

[ChristineSpringerElaine]

This was my experience too. One therapist told me I was the one with the problem. Second one was better but it didn't change anything. I dumped him and he acted like he was surprised. I dodged a bullet on that one.

[Zen-krte]

As a therapist I see this time and time again. Often couples cancel their next appointment because they expect you to perform miracles and are just not ready to accept responsibility.

[xylianyx]

Man, i needed this 12 years ago! But thank you for the validation i really need

[margaretlovecchio]

You’re SO right, I know this now after 2-go rounds (unsuccessful) with 2-different couples therapists

[johnwilliams]

I’m currently in a Marriage and Family Therapy class and yeah, as I learn more about what it entails, I wholeheartedly agree that everyone has to be on board to get anything out of it.

[jansilloway]

The car rides home together were the worst 😢Also, “date nights” were a sad joke.