Emotional Manipulators Do This | Lisa Romano

Emotional manipulators do this; they deny, attack, and reverse the victim-offender roles on their targets. The #1 Abuse Tactic Narcissists Use On Their Victims is tied up into one acronym known as DARVO. Darvo stands for deny, abuse, reverse victim-offender. It implies that no matter what the nature of the argument or conversation, anytime you confront a narcissist, they will rely on DARVO to gaslight you and cause you to doubt your perception of reality.

If you've ever confronted a narcissist, you undoubtedly discovered how quickly your perception, emotions, needs, wants, and beliefs are obliterated by their dismissive intolerance of any notion that goes against their version of reality. You, as a source of primary narcissistic supply, will be gaslit out of your perception.
In this YouTube video about DARVO and narcissism, you will learn about this abusive tactic and what you can do to avoid becoming pulled into this crazymaking behavior.

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𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲. 𝐀𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞, 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐟 𝐈 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨. 𝐌𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬.

[gwengaffney]

Mental abuse is worse than physical abuse to me

[alisonj]

It is better to be alone than be easily manipulated and used. Do not be afraid to be alone.

[cosmicshy]

The circular conversations are also an exhausting form of gaslighting.
It's an attempt on the narcs part to get you to give up & shut up.

It reminds me of the zig zag an animal will do while trying to outrun a pursuit. An exhausting, avoidant gaslighting tactic to get the person who's confronting a wrong, to give up & not hold them accountable.

[margaretcordova]

I sat here about 1/2 hour after listening to your video and cried thinking about what I been through. My heart ached so bad Lisa. Thank you for helping all of us. I remember I took Cosmetology and had to take the test twice. My step father said I was stupid and blah blah blah! My husband was and is just like my step father. I went back and aced it! I listen to you everyday because you encourage me so much Lisa. You are so awesome. I went shopping yesterday and was so happy! I plan on taking a trip to Mexico by myself to get some space.

[wendydaniel]

My crucifixion will not be the resurrection of anyone.. Love yourself and walk away from anyone who is not good for your soul..." My alone feels so good. I'll have you only if you're sweeter than my solitude ". Peace and freedom awaits. ❤

[msdemeanour]

My mother told me if I left my partner, no other man would ever love me again. Wonder why she was such a nasty, toxic, bitter cow all my life?

[JuliesWorldCrochet]

This is my mother, she did so much damage before I really understood how she thinks. What's so frustrating is that most other people cannot accept that there are people like her in this world. That's really what took me so long to assert what I"d always experienced as true: the rest of my world insisted my reality could not be.

[alisonsattler]

Just happened to me today! My sister denied the behavior I asked her to change (to acknowledge and talk to me when we see each other at get togethers when she's in town as well as to ask me questions about myself and let me hold the space while answering), she said "If I've ...." when I just told her what she did multiple times to me! Never saw her as a narcissist, but one who is very self-centered. I hadn't spoken to her in months and set up the call to try to repair the problems without her using DARVO tactics (said "without the same old, same old communication"). I realized what dhe was doing (deflect and shift blame) and refused to listen to her telling me that I needed to do something for her, not the other way around!

[MsMoosieify]

I needed this SO much today. I am 60 and grew up in the Era of "don't speak until you are spoken to" and "children are to be seen and not heard". My Mom was a covert narcissist. After listening to you, Lisa, I realize my Mom was codependent and empathetic, as I am. My Mom was the one who did so much for her Mom. But it was never good enough. My Aunt was the favorite and the golden child. My sister definitely has narcissistic traits. I would do so much for her and my family thinking I could earn their love and respect. I would bend over backwards to please my family. My Mother in law and sister in law are also narcissistic and controlling. On both sides of my family, they manipulate, make me feel guilty, spread rumors and lies about me and my daughter, isolate us from family, church friends. I tried to tell my sister in law how I was offended by her daughter at Christmas, she shut me down, accused me of being unforgiving, bitter, resentful and selfish. My Father in law cussed me out. My husband actually backed me up when I got home and said they Shift blame, are in denial, don't listen, then attack. He too is codependent and empathetic. He does most of the work for his parents who are in their mid 80s. About 4 years ago, I put my foot down and told my in laws not to talk about my daughter, do not publicly embarras me or my daughter, to stay out of our private matters, and that they will never control me. There is drug addiction and even arrests on both sides of our families but these narcissistic women loudly spread lies, rumors, gossip about me and my daughter. My sister ghosted me years ago. It has hurt deeply but I know it was draining me and causing me too much distress. She constantly reminded me of my mistakes 40 something years ago, a small mistake like not knowing how to cook. My sister, sister in law, and mother in law are all false and are different at church and around people, then are hateful, condescending, manipulative, spread lies, mocking etc around me and my daughter. I agree. I refuse to live like this anymore!

[LauraGuerra-yj]

You're best bet is just to walk away in pure silence. With dignity 🙏🏽✌🏽.

[sandycattoor]

I wish there were actual therapist with this knowledge! It would be so helpful to so many individuals and families fighting this demonic evil energy.

[lynChip]

I grew up in this abusive family. Unfortunately, Im still going through it to some extent & I struggle daily with some of these issues you have highlighted.

[sunnyadams]

The Narcissist's theme song, as you said years ago: IT WASN'T ME! 🎼🎵🎶
The utter lack of roads to repair is one of the most absolutely damaging aspects of dealing with The Narc. Nothing ever gets better.

Love You, LISA❤

[julieanderson]

You always save m for feeling alone. The endless explaning in these situations with a person with this behavior style is maddening. It requires such effort on my part to not fall into my pattern of not acknowledging how toxic this is

[francesbernard]

Lisa your explanation on why a narcissist is impossible to have a civil minded every day living disagreement with is empowering to those of us who are experiencing narcissistic abuse which almost everyone does at some time in their lives when at work or whatever.

[margaretcordova]

Story of my life! You help me so much…

[ingriddenzin]

My mother tried that made your own bed trope on me too. Luckily I hadn't gotten pregnant so I left the marriage. My mother never wanted to see me again. I left town and had nothing more to do with family.

[angelamcfadden]

My own daughter saw the abuse that the narcissistic partner did to me and she still takes up for him. She up holds his smear campaign against me. She also helps him set to me up so that I can't move on and keeps tabs on me as well.

[richardbell]

Thanks Lisa. I just realised an ex friend who went through horrific abuse has these traits. eggshells.

[Amalthea]

You have armed me with knowledge. Once I revealed that I had recorded conversations (one party consent state), and wouldn’t let them rewrite history, they flipped the script and called me the abuser!

I also had screenshots, dates and times, and journal entries. These have helped me immensely in standing up for myself.