How to Make People Feel Good About Themselves

We often imagine that the best way to endear ourselves to others is never to bother to them - and always to fit in with their plans. But that's to miss out on a great yet hidden truth of social life: in certain circumstances, people quite like to be asked for help; friendship builds when we can make ourselves vulnerable enough to show our need.

FURTHER READING

“We tend to operate with the view that the best way to please people is not to bother them too much. We keep many of our dilemmas and confusions away from those we like, for fear of irritating or inconveniencing them and so spoiling the relationship. We may well have a voice echoing in our minds from childhood: ‘Don’t bother your mother, can’t you see she’s exhausted from her trip? Don’t bother your father, he works hard for us and he’s busy right now…’ There are powerful reasons why we equate making others happy with burdening them as little as possible.

But our analysis is missing a key detail of human psychology: we like to be bothered. Not at all time and over all things, nor at the expense of our own critical needs, but fundamentally, we have a powerful urge to feel helpful. We need to be needed. All of us suffer from a fear of superfluity, which the requirements of others has a critical capacity to appease. However nice presents may be for our friends, the real gift we can offer them is an insight into our problems…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Tracy Foster

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions

[theschooloflifetv]

Have you employed the principles laid out in this film? How do you help others feel good about themselves? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.

[sebastianelytron]

Remember three things:
1. Humans are social creatures
2. They want you to say hi
3. They'd be lucky to be your friend

[alanparker]

This is the reason why I am having so much trouble:

I have difficulties asking people help until it’s too late

[Inerize]

People like people that are vulnerable and can relate as human beings - not robots than don't need anything from anybody. It just feels good to help and it makes you feel important and useful.

[gbskbe]

As someone who feels like a burden a lot of the time, this was what I needed. Strange considering that I thrive helping others.

[staylifegoeson]

Things people dont understand is we always want a relatonship with almost equal sharing and receiving so you dont feel like a burden or overused . This video just make me feel better that i'm not wrong about wanting a friendship like that.

[ossen]

- The sweetest sound to a person's ear is hearing the name
- People bond by giving, not by receiving

[metamorphosis_]

How to make people feel good about themselves:

1. Be cool around them
2. Make them feel comfortable in their own skin
3. Give them room to express themselves
4. Be that free soul that Bukowski was talking about

The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them. -Charles Bukowski

[HARU.]

I totally agree with it... We don't want others to be burdened but deep down we all want to share our problems with each It's complex....

[NenaLavonne]

We never know how much our actions and comments really affect someone. When we genuinely connect with someone, we can sometimes change the course of their entire lives, and even our own. Learning how to make people feel good about themselves is a truly valuable skill that helps in social situations, and in more deep relationships as well. Really enjoyed this. <3

[leoisforevercool]

The older I get the more I realize adulthood is just a big act.
Hide your fears and feelings, pretend to be composed, don't act too silly.

The truth is we're all winging it every day, crave connection, and love to play.

[duchi]

*To the ones reading this*





You are breathtaking

[foundnoone]

Yes. I just have problems with boundaries. Don’t know where I should stop sharing and how far I should absorb ppl’s problem.

[thehoneybeequeen]

After I watched this I gave my friend a call just to test the waters and share a droplet of my struggles with her.

This is so out of character for me; I normally would never want to burden others, but I think I’m starting to trust her and I want us to both open up.

I feel kinda relieved 😌

[mailisar]

Thank you, School of life. I've been ignoring people thinking they don't want to be bothered and always waiting for people to come to me first. That's quite selfish of me always wanting to be needed and never want to be needy.

[oqba]

"We should treat people emotionally as children"

[treyshaffer]

Man I really need a video about how to be less intimidating. Always been such a thing in my life.

[ActiveAdvocate]

I recently had to have my ovaries removed (I know, I know, TMI), and I'm only 29 years old. I only spent a week in hospital, thankfully, but they don't help you AT ALL with the emotional trauma. When I got home, I had a few crying spells about what and why, and my mom was happy that I came to her about it. She told me that it's natural to cry over a loss like this, and that I can still adopt and have kids that way. They don't have to be biologically mine for me to love them, and I know that's true. She also said how strong a woman I am because despite the rather large incision down my middle, I'd barely complained about the pain, and I'm even busy looking for work right now. I find, honestly, that talking to people about things so deeply painful and personal will strengthen your bond a hell of a lot more than just "Hey mom, how was your day?", and all the run of the mill blah-blah.

[BigToinE]

This is the story of my every day life. I hardly talk to unkown people, I don't see how it wouldn't bother them, or what I can bring to them as I'm not very confident in my social skills. This video will help me a lot :)

[Hugmeman]

You have no idea how much I needed to hear this today. Thanks so much!