Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents Book Summary

In this video I review the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents By Lindsay Gibson.

Learn about the 4 types of emotionally immature parents. Learn about internalizers vs externalizers.

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[rhondacosta]

Best book I've eve read. Read it many times. And I recommend it to anyone. Then towards Healing...Almost Whole. Terrific!

[ZoeMaier]

This is painfully relatable... such a hard topic but so crucial. You are a great speaker- so authentic and articulate. I am really grateful to have discovered your channel and I look forward to your future content.

[deansandoval]

I came across this book about a week ago and I began reading and it it made me feel confused and sad but also relieved. Because I could at last I felt like I was understood. I was reading it a little too fast and it overwhelmed me a bit but I’m currently on chapter 5!

[THE_SOVEREIGN]

This is so synchronistic. It wasn't until last year that I awakened to the true nature of my upbringing and how it affected me mentally and emotionally. I didn't know the word for it until now but I did understand it was ancestral. I realize I need to shift the dynamic but unsure how to integrate the new paradigm. I will be purchasing this book soon using your link. Thank you for this. Sending blessings of healing and progress.

[guitarsz]

thank you so much for recommending this book. I listened to the audio and completed it in two days. A lot of times a book can be recommended and you’ll gets some good nuggets of info that useful and empowering but this ENTIRE book IS AMAZING. The author had no filler because this subject is so nuanced that there is so much to talk about and there are SO many areas of our lives that this kind of upbringing affects that really EVERY part of the book was as empowering and revelatory as the next. There was no part I wanted to skip, and there were moments that I was shocked with the accuracy, almost like this author/ doctor knows my mom and exactly how she responds, but even more, how I’ve always felt. It’s honestly shocking to think that this is such a reoccurring pattern across people and families.

Some moments I had to really meditate on, like when the author says that “guilt can be dealt with, but it’s a small price to pay for freedom” AND WHY aww feel guilt in the first place- not what I thought. I thought it was because I was being selfish to not want to deal with my parents but in fact the guilt is a byproduct of this dysfunction. I am not bad, in fact, I don’t need to feel guilty. While these situations may be sad; while we may never have that relationship that we needed as a child, we can still have a relationship with our parents that’s free of all the desperate seeking for crumbs of attention. We can accept and channel all that energy into our lives and healthy relationships, you have to hear this book, there is way more things to take in. I’m going to listen to all her books.

[ZippynAspensMom]

Thank you for sharing
I can’t wait to read this.
I am at a place in my healing journey where I am starting to see the lack if maturity in my parents.

[michaelh]

I had an extremely emotionally immature mom growing up. I could never talk to her about anything serious or anything in my life. I tried to bottle every emotion I had around her. She literally would rather watch the news or wheel of Fortune than listen to anything that mattered to me.

Just another small example. I had a dog growing up that I loved. The dog went missing. It was too inconvenient for her to go out looking for the dog. It began to storm and she was snickering and laughing at the thought of my dog running around during a storm.

I sometimes feel the urge to just completely cut off all contact. Even as an adult, I don't talk to her about anything going on in my life.

I hold a lot of resentment against her for contributing to my dad's death from diabetes complications. She never attempted to learn anything about the condition. My dad was in ICU from extremely high blood sugars. The doctor was explaining how important diet was. He looks at her and says mam, are you even listening to anything I am saying??? She gets angry and storms out. She later on that day was busted giving him sweet tea. The doctor is saying mam, he is in extremely bad shape, you are going to have to make drastic changes. If I see you doing anything like this again, you will be escorted out

The moment he was discharged, nothing but junk. He collapsed at home and she calls me wanting to know what to do.

[itsaplantlife]

Through the library there were too many ahead of me in holds, so got an mp3 version. Thank you!
My biggest thing at this point is just not wanting to keep attracting the emotionally detached. I think I'd need to date for a decade before trusting that someone won't turn on me, while I know I've missed so many signs along the way because...

[amberalderete]

I just started this book. A friend and I are reading it together and will be discussing it and how it makes us feel. The first chapter I cried but I felt like i was no longer alone. It’s eye opening. I’ve been writing in my journal afterwards and it’s opening so many emotions I never let myself feel.

[dxk]

Amazing video. A lot of the toxic behavior is when a parent does not value the work you do, respect the path you chose, attempts to sabotage you, and does not believe in the golden rule. Another problem is narcissistic personality disorder, where you are not even a person who deserves independence. I also do not agree with "not analyzing the past." I have literally written a book on the past problems with my parents, and how they never rewarded any hard work I did. They only care about money, not virtue. It is extremely sick. It is complicated as well when you have siblings.

[PassionateFlower]

My mom is really good at asking me how I'm doing and then when I start to answer honestly and calmly she interrupts me and tells me I need to calm down when I'm not worked up. Then she starts to ask really insulting questions in a weirdly presumptuous tone until I start to get actually worked up and she feeds off this reaction she gets out of me. Then she says, "You're shouting at me can you please lower your volume" when I'm speaking at a normal volume. And then she will start to look around the room shifting her eyes and crinkling her brow and sighing a lot and doing weird back stretches while staring at me like listening to me pains her. And she will do these weird foot calf raises as I talk like as if she wants to leave the room as if the sound of my voice is keeping her hostage when she is free to go anytime. It is so very bizarre and to anyone they would say she's trying to get you to take the hint to stop talking and that I'm ignoring her social cues. But she only does it when I give her honest answers and then she asks me to elaborate and asking these triggering questions in a really insulting way that is provocation. So at that point I do start to get worked up when she behaves like this and I end up falling into her trap.

Then I'll ignore her for a day or two and she'll say, "Why are you being distant it's like you're ignoring me can we talk?" So then I pretend to be happy and in a good mood when I'm not and she'll ask me how I'm doing and I say good or fine or okay and she smiles happily and goes, "Oh okay that's good!" And then she'll start rattling off about her own life or skip off to another room or she'll prod me for more info and suddenly my fake "I'm fine" turns back into, "I'm not okay" so then she asks, "Oh no why is that a few minutes ago I thought you said you had a good day did something happen?" And then the whole thing happens all over again where I tell her how I really feel and then she does this obnoxious thing with her shoulders where she starts to drop forward and she makes herself appear really small and helpless like she's deflating as I speak like a dying human balloon and she bugs out her eyes like I've chained her to a wall of a torture chamber filled with the worse sounds in the world like she has no escape or something when she has a big house and a nice car and many rooms to leave and go to or something.

And then the next day she perks right up again and is very fake cheerful and no weird body or facial contortions unless I speak what's on my mind. But when I lie and pretend to be fake happy suddenly she stops with the exorcist-like contortions movements and facial expressions.

[Adam-uiyn]

It's SO hard to find the balance between letting past afflictions explain your behavior, and feeling badly about not being who you want to be because you take responsibility for your behavior. For example I still have a difficult time accepting my diagnoses of depression because I'm painfully aware of all the things in my life that are lacking that I can work harder or better on.

I can always come up with ways I can improve, to help with those negative feelings, so I have a hard time accepting I feel negative for no apparent reason.

[FitWithGrace]

The most helpful book that gave me understanding to my childhood and adult relationship with my mother.

[ThrivingAnimators]

Thank you for sharing authentically. I just heard of this book today for the second time, so this review was great!

[ansama]

i was 18 when i began to really distancing myself from family and live independently (im a southeast asian), bcs the role reversal was getting out of hand. I kinda recognized how this would hinder my growth as a individual, so i left. I still connect wwith them, but i really rarely going to 'home', but i still console them, listening their complaints, saying yes whenever they told me i have to hurry up and grow adult faster so that i can be the breadwinner, the caretaker fully, all for slight guilt of leaving my mentally ill mother and emotionally absence (physically absence for years before) father, and how i thought someone still needs to be the adult and the one who emphatize as i also still have a lil bro. Im 19 now, full time working and a college student. Hearing abt this book and taking some peak of your explanation makes me feel understood on so many levels

[shaliah]

My therapist recommended this book to me today so I’ve been doing some research. Thanks for summarizing, most of what you said (the patterns, behaviors, etc.) totally resonated with me. I think I’ll get the book ❤

[slynn]

Thank you for this review. There’s also “The Emotionally Absent Mother” by Jasmin Lee Cori, which is excellent. There’s also “Running on Empty: Overcome your childhood emotional neglect” by Jonice Webb which I haven’t read yet, but looks very good. We tend to focus on overt abuse, but what’s absent can be insidious and actually just as damaging to a developing brain.

[Aest]

I sent this link to my son because I know I am emotionally immature person/parent. I was pregnant and married at age 16. I have a lot of guilt over the fact that I didn't raise my kids right😟😓

[guitarsz]

I love this. I can relate to this. My parents got a divorce over a decade ago and they are still warring with each other. It’s awful and so stressful. And it’s so complicated because now they are much older and there is an adult disabled “child” involved. He’s not really a child but he’s fully dependable.

So not only do I have…never mind, it’s not even worth going into.

But it’s a mess.

[alinecardoso]

I love my parents, but the way that they act with me, it seems that they had children to take care of them, for instance, when I told once my father that I wanted to moved on, have my own place, he said: don't ever said that again, apparently they seek for my atention pretty much of the time, my father was always saying that I'm the reason of his life and he doesn't have friends.