Signs You Might Be Asexual | Our Ace Experiences

Welcome back, lovely humans! In this video, we are sharing some of the signs that hinted at our asexuality, so that maybe you can identify them within yourself. Let us know if you relate at all!

Please ask any questions related to asexuality, aromanticism, being queer, the aro, ace, or queer communities, us as humans (Elle, Lau & Kaden), or anything at all! Hopefully we'll get enough to make a Q&A video, which would be super exciting because knowing what you guys want to see in our content is important to us. On that note, if you have any video recommendations, put them in the comment section.

Spacey Aces TikTok link:

Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:43 Signs We Were Asexual
11:45 Outro + Biggest Ace Sign of them All

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My name is Elle (she/they) and I'm an enby and aro-space ace doing my queer thing here in the internet universe. Join me and let's be gay nerds. I'd really like that. Love you!!

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My name is Lau (she/her) and I’m a biromantic grey-asexual. I consider myself a veteran queer because I’ve been involved with the LGBTQ+ community since middle school, but only came out as grey-ace recently. Come join me and talk about this community!

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My name is Kaden, (any pronouns) and I'm a non-binary demisexual aromantic nerd! Stick around if you seek to trudge through my existential edginess here in this internet space.

[youneverseesawitcoming]

To those who are still questioning but couldn't relate to some or most of the signs in this video,

It's important to keep in mind that asexuality is a spectrum and that there are so many different identities under the asexual umbrella, you probably just haven't found the one that best describes you. I second-guessed myself for several months before I finally accepted that aspect of my identity. My advice is to know yourself, but also acknowledge that how it manifests in you may be different from others and that all are completely valid!

[jimdandy]

I'm 60 years-old and I've been asexual all my life. And I think you kids are alright.

[klaske]

I spent high school thinking that my teenage hormones that everyone was talking about would kick in aaaannnnyyy day now. They did not. Still haven't kicked in years and years later. I'm just asexual.

[brighidcampbell]

In high school I thought my lack of attraction meant I was more mature than anyone else. Like I knew that relationships from high school don't work out so I didn't get into them, and all the kids who got into relationships just didn't know any better. Only as an adult did I realize that all those people experiences attraction, which is a powerful driving force that often pushes beyond my cold 'logic'...

[lisoak]

I am definitely not asexual, but my girlfriend is so I am here to learn more about being ace.

[betsywilliamsonasmr]

I know I am asexual because I get very uncomfortable when I know someone is sexualizing me. I am into yoga so often times I have on yoga pants and a crop top or something and people will tell me that I look good or whatever and it makes me uncomfortable. A while ago I lost a lot of weight. I was discussing this with a friend and he said, “well, you are the one that wanted to look good.” I said, “yeah, for me not for someone else.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

[cielo]

So, here is something that is taboo.
In my teen years I had a high libido. I broke down sexual encounters as 'okay, after a certain point of dating, we should do this' and I would schedule it but take care of myself. I was very sex knowledgeable and I enjoyed doing sexual acts because it gave me emotional satisfaction that they were happy. I thought that was what sex was... I don't really enjoy the actual act of penetrative sex and see it as very medical. Like an antidepressant for my partner. I don't care for an orgasm and often get annoyed if I get physically aroused. It's a chore to me. I do understand that others have sexual needs and I am willing to do those sexual things. However, I get the same response to having a good cup of tea when sexual acts are done to me. I understand that it feels good but I would much rather have tea.

I'm 30 now. I still enjoy songs with sex in them and sexualized media. I can see the appeal in all of it but I see it as an art form. Sexual poetry isn't bad because of sex, it's bad because the metaphors aren't great.

I wanted to post my experience as an asexual because it isn't typical. I hope it helps someone.

[Ven-xv]

I realised I was ace after being asked millions of times if I’ve seen any “cute boys” and finally realising that I had absolutely no idea

[kaylynn]

I really relate to the “sexy is just edgy pretty” thing. I’ve always felt that way. I still feel that way about the adjective “sexy.”

[teddy]

I think I'm definitely either asexual or gray-ace, and to me sexual activities just sound very awkward and unnecessary

[yh.]

Literally screamed at 9:12 when Kaden said, "...acknowledging its existence as a concept, very far removed. Realizing it actually happens can be difficult..." I've never felt soseen in my life.

[woahthatsbonkers]

I remember ppl thought it was weird when I didn't have sexual tendencies in middle school through high-school and last year I realized I could be just ace. I love the softer side of romance not really the sexual side.

[matt_dawg]

I wasn't born asexual. I lost sexual attraction because of sexual assault. I'm 16 male and I was assaulted last year. Before the assault, I always loved women and i was attracted to them more than anyone. I dont know why these things happened but I'm proud to be Ace ❤🏳️‍🌈

[lifeisecstasyy]

I realized I'm ace like five years ago, I just clicked in this video bc I knew it would be nice to watch! It feels so good when I can relate to another person in this subject, thanks for that! here are some experiences I have being ace:

1. Being a more feminine-gendered person, I feel very comfortable consuming male homosexual content. This started when I was 13. Many thought I watched it because I was just a horny teen (like if I was watching it in the same way people watch porn), but looking back, mlm content was my way of connecting with sex and typical romantic love without being directly involved in it. In fact, mlm stories are still comfort for me, as neither the stories nor the characters nor the sexual situations reflect me as a person, which allows me to fully enjoy it without being uncomfortable.

2. I am very interested in sex as a concept. I'm going to give a strange example, but imagine a fictional story about a murderer. You can say "wow, what an interesting way to approach the subject; this scene is aesthetically pleasing; this character's desires are very well addressed; it's conceptually intriguing, dark, mysterious..." But you wouldn't murder a person irl. U get my point, right? Seeing it correctly captured in fiction pleases me a lot, I even find it fascinating, but I would never actually do it in real life.

3. This one is hard to explain, but I find it a bit unfortunate that sensuality is so closely related to sex. Sometimes I wish I could hold a person's face, or hug them, or caress them, or kiss them; in the same way that I appreciate a beautiful animal, a beautiful flower, a work of art or even my own body, which I can touch without compromise. My point is: it's sad that I can't sensorially express my love for another person without those acts being considered as part of a sexual ritual. I have a lot of physical love to offer, I just don't tolerate the idea that such displays of affection are tied to sex.

these are the ones that came to my mind rn. have a good dayy :p
(sorry if my eng is not good).

[adri_bell]

When i found out how much efort and mess sex included i litterally said out loud "I wish there was a skip button for that, it looks so tiring"

[IM]

Personally, I found out I was ace when I realized I had an "out of body" feeling every time I made out with a partner.

It didn't matter how intense or pleasurable it was, I'd always be hyper-aware of the fact that I'm doing "an action."

No ecstasy, no mortifying worry, no blushy embarrassment, no repulsion, just... this is a thing I'm doing.

I loved my partners a *lot* romantically, but sexually? I was just checked out entirely unless it got uncomfortable.

[YCal-sw]

To me, sexual touch is just a way to express affection to a partner. It feels nice physically to a certain degree, but I really don't get what people are talking about when they go like "oh I haven't had sex in 3 months I need to get laid" like.... what? Why? Do you really crave touch that badly? Is that craving a universal experience?

[jessicahill]

I grew up very religious, and one day they had a "girls talk, guys talk" in youth (basically sex ed from church but a sleep over and it got *very* personal). At one point 12-year old me was just very confused and asked "why would anyone have sex outside of marriage? That literally makes no sense." In my mind, sex was only used for making babies, you would only want a baby if you were stable, stability came from being married/ having someone who would provide while you were pregnant/on leave- so you would only logically have sex if you were married.

I got a lot of weird looks and the "someday you'll understand" speech.... I am in my 20s, I still don't understand

[julievdr]

I was confused about my sexuality for a long time because I enjoy feeling and looking "sexy", and sex in theory didn't seem that bad (in hindsight thinking it didn't seem "that bad" should've been a sign), but any time I was put in a sexual situation with guys I've dated I would get super uncomfortable. I also went through a phase of "I don't want to have sex with guys, so am I a lesbian?" which corresponded with with my confusion about the difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction. It took me asking myself, "if a fortune teller told you that you will never have sex with anyone, how would you feel?" and my reaction being indifference and even relief to really feel comfortable with identifying as ace.

[Sentientmatter]

As someone solidly into adulthood let me attest that having a larger bed becomes a necessity for many people and it has nothing to do with another bed partner. As your body ages and becomes more prone to aches and pains and stiffness, being able to stretch out, roll or change position becomes really important to feeling good and not in pain. I find it entirely possible your parents, despite being allosexual, were just looking out for your future self. :)
ps. bunk beds really are everything though. Queen sized bunk beds need to become a thing.