ASEXUALITY 101: How Do I Know I'm Asexual?

How do I know I'm asexual? We break down why it's so hard to figure out, and we come up with some strategies to make figuring it out easier.

Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:52 Why is it so hard for ace folks to figure out they're asexual?
4:09 When you're not sure of what you're feeling, be sure of what you're not.
7:18 Forget the definitions. Focus on what you experience.
9:57 Asexual doesn't have to be forever.

Find me:
Twitter and Instagram: @CDaigleOrians
Tik Tok: @AceDadAdvice

Outro music:
Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
License code: 53HA3OIDDAGBFB0R

[jebediahhonker-tonker]

I find it really reassuring that adults are also coming out as asexual, and it's not just a "me being young and confused" thing. Thank you, Ace Dad <3

[dapdude]

I watch these vids to confirm that I am not crazy and am actually who I say I am lol

[georginaferenz]

I learned about asexuality when I was in my early 50's and it was like a massive weight being lifted from me. I suffered for years through relationships because sex was "expected". The thought of having sex makes me feel anxiety/dread. Life without sex... relief/peace. I hope to see more representation so that younger people don't have to suffer for years the way I did.

[lizbethlambert]

"If today asexuality make sense to you, then don't worry about what's going to happen 10 years down the road. It makes sense today. It helps you today! So, today, you're ace." I am so grateful for your words and the way you communicate with us. I heard this line, and I was about to start crying. I have been struggling to call myself ace out loud because, even if I do feel ace a LOT of the time, I'm still thinking "what if I'm not... and I call myself this today, and 10 years from now, turns out I'm not, and I lied to everyone, and I did something wrong". Thank you for your kind words.

[mr_mykal]

I started to think something was up because I was confused that so many people would go to such extreme lengths for sexual intimacy, especially in a lot of media. To me it's always been "Sure it feels good, but there are so many better ways to be intimate." Then I *really* started to think something up when I said to my friends "I simply couldn't have sex with someone I disliked. I cannot be attracted to someone I don't like, I don't understand the concept of hate sex" and they all looked at me like I had two heads. I definitely experience romantic and atheistic attraction, and I just assumed everyone was kinda joking about how much they crave sex. 😭😭 I do Like sex is cool and all, but can we just sit on the couch and play video games or watch a movie together??

It took me a while to figure out especially because one of my major love languages is touch, and I just figured sex might just be the pinnacle of that? And I'm not adverse to it or anything, but there's something just so much more special about holding hands or getting a really good fucking hug. When I see someone I'm attracted too, I want to scoop them up in my arms, I really don't want their naughty bits with my naughty bits or anything.

[OtakuSapien]

The part about our culture being anti-sex making it hard to figure things out is so real. Especially if you grow up a girl (and /especially/ if you grow up religious), because we're told that girls are just naturally less interested in sex and therefore not wanting sex is because of your gender/is what's expected of you

[ScottyT]

A friend suggested I look up asexuality when I started explaining how I feel (and don't feel) about things, and when I started going through the ace forums and reading other people's experiences I genuinely started crying. After over a decade I finally found people that understood how I felt and, more exciting, I found a name for it.

[brainsandbolts]

I've only known of you for about thirteen minutes but I'm so glad you're here. I've been fighting with myself for a while now over whether I'm ace or if I just haven't found the right person yet. You're really helping me figure myself out, so thank you.

[SilverMoonBella]

I am going to be 31 on July 6th.
My whole life I thought somethig was wrong with me because I would get romantic feelings for men but I wouldn't want to sleep with them. All of my relationships, the men would try to pressure me into having sex and I never gave in. It felt wrong. I didn't want it. One even attempted rape. I am more than fine being alone for the rest of my life. I'm a romantic asexual and I believe that my sister is an aromatic asexual. I'm so happy that I'm learning more about myself and that I'm not crazy in such a sexually driven world. Thank you for the video!

[materla]

I identify myself as an "asexual untill proven otherwise". I struggled around a lot, I had my fair share of problems and stupid things I did to be like everyone else. And I'm still struggling, I don't know why I'm starting off as someone experienced. But the Ace label is something that gave me comfort when I found it. It's a box I'm using to feel better about myself. And even if I'll be "proven otherwise" later or not, seeing all of you having your own stories and own lives, is making me less scared. And I'm grateful for that. And this video. It was very comforting.

[Zippy]

I'm not asexual; I identify as a lesbian, but my best friend and my brother both identify as Asexual. I'm here to learn more and gain a better understanding. Thanks for providing such great information 🙌

[mayrranakamura]

“Life defies checklists” is such a beautiful life motto, it makes my somewhat recently discovered panromantic ace heart happy. 💞

[homoeroticclown]

I never felt sexual attraction towards anyone but I was sex positive. So I thought that I don't fit the ace label cuz I only met ace ppl who think sex is gross or don't want sex at all but then I came along someone who was ace and sex-positive and I felt understood. So I totally agree it's very important to have representation because you just feel very alone and weird about yourself!!
-sincerely an ace lesbian

[teresasimpson]

I wish we had known about Ace back in the 70's when I was a teen. Life would have been SOOO much simpler.

[zoechambers-daniel]

Ace representation is so important! I remember everything clicking for me when I watched Sex Education and the character Florence figured out she was asexual. It really helped me. As always, love your videos :)

[roseknightneemo]

I almost started crying.... You made me realize there's nothing wrong with me for being asexual in our society, I just simply belong to another group 😭 thank you!!!

[EverythingUnsettling]

I've been wrestling with identifying myself as demisexual and being afraid to put that label on myself because I don't feel "asexual" enough because of experiences I've had or the fact that I think about sex differently than some people with that label. I have this big fear of mislabeling myself and what people would think if I decide to change that label at some point. Your video helped to make things clearer for me. Thank you <3

[galacticTeller]

watched through this whole vid and looked at the view count and said to myself: "why does this have so few views when it can be so useful?"
you are a legend dude
to think I only found this channel today!

[sea]

Oh my god. Thank you for telling me asexuality doesn’t have to be forever, that I can say I’m ace today but next year I might not be. You actually don’t know how much you’ve helped me!

[annamiller]

This is so helpful, thank you. I “came out” to myself this week at 34, after years of questioning. I thought I was straight with no libido because I get pretty intense celebrity crushes, which I now know are sensual/aesthetic. I never think about having sex with anyone, ever, and I didn’t enjoy it the few times I’ve tried. Accepting my asexuality gives me the freedom not to pretend I’m into something I’m not, and to not feel like I’m broken.