How to let go of being a 'good' person — and become a better person | Dolly Chugh

What if your attachment to being a "good" person is holding you back from actually becoming a better person? In this accessible talk, social psychologist Dolly Chugh explains the puzzling psychology of ethical behavior -- like why it's hard to spot your biases and acknowledge mistakes -- and shows how the path to becoming better starts with owning your mistakes. "In every other part of our lives, we give ourselves room to grow -- except in this one, where it matters most," Chugh says.

The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more.

[ozzyfromspace]

I have this quote: "You're better off always improving than momentarily being the best."
So if you have to choose: be better, not good.

[laurenspivack]

I want to be a better person in my life. I apologize to all whom I have hurt through gossip, mean words and in any other way).

[nikkhilkalia]

Basically, our attachment to the "good person identity" makes us defensive and retaliatory. We don't strive towards improvement because we relate to that identity too much. An unhealthy attachment.

Solution: accept when you err. Take feedback and improve. Don't fit yourself into definitions that block growth.

[amayranimelendrez]

I"ve learn so much this passed days, i'm working on my self to be a better person than what i was yesterday.

[KrazyKain]

don't try to be a good person, just try to be a better person today, than you were yesterday. If someone calls you out for problematic action/behaviour... that's just an opportunity to be better

[dcczldv]

This Ted talk is something all of us knew somewhere inside us but ignored. Thanks for giving us the idea to actually let our good-ish part shine

[lana-villan]

the fact that most people here are is because they’ve done something to upset or offend someone to a degree shows that we’re willing to change and be someone better. good job to you for taking the first step.

[thealmightykitsune]

Idk sometimes I feel like I am doing the right, but I question myself at times am I a good person?I’m a people pleaser, so I’m always there for my friends and friend, But idk if I’m doing it from the sincerity of my heart or I’m i just making ppl think I’m a good person? Like I feel bad about it sometimes

[saraharabia]

A tip from me:

The most important thing about your behaviour is your intentions and what you do with it.
Because sometimes your intentions for writing a comment/saying something to someone/in gernerally interacting with someone are good, but the way you try to realise your intentions are bad. For example when you discuss with someone in a youtube section. In most cases people state their opinion or say something against your opinion in such a provocative way. You can see that they just try to prove that their right and arent neutral and open minded to get their opinion changed by other perspectives. You could only end this „hatred“ when you criticise them friendly and spread love and try to realise your intentions in the best way, like you would want it by other people.

[nopeonarope]

I strongly believe that our need to be “good” is tied to the way were disciplined as children, specifically whether we corrected on behaviour or character. Ive noticed quite often that people hold the concepts of ‘bad’ and ‘incorrect’ inextricably interchangeable within their minds. My theory: they literally cannot err and still think of themselves as good because doing good equates to being good, and mistakes become a moral flaw.

[russianinvader]

There's this saying that once a person does something "good, " they have the feeling of not needing to do it again since they accomplished that satisfaction. Something I've been trying to stray away from for a while. :/

[alskndlaskndal]

Unfortunately our society is going in the opposite direction, defining "good people" and "bad people" ever more strictly and placing people into those categories with very little chance of moving from "bad" to "good". Police talk of catching the "bad guys." Our politicians demonize the other side as "deplorables" or "SJWs". Employers fire people for the smallest mistakes. Say one thing on social media that offends someone and face an online mob. Our society has very little ability to see people as messy, complicated individuals-- and to see morality itself as complicated and often unclear, which might make us a little less quick to judge others.

[ChessMasteryOfficial]

*Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.*

[cddgsrq]

Good-hearted people also make mistakes. But good people do not choose to avoid problems, but learn from mistakes and correct them in time. This is the most worthy of my study.

[pithyginger]

I discovered this over the course of three years when I first got to college, I realized that moment I start feeling happy, my mind starts stagnating and I stop learning about being a well-rounded person.

[izstrella]

Let’s try our bests and never stop improving, peeps! WE CAN DO THIS! 💛

[fotisbouzas]

you can take the scientific nature of this video with a grain of salt and still hold on a couple of great messages that it tries to push through. Be less defensive, open yourself to vulnerability, learn from your mistakes. These are pretty great teachings.

[somecreativeperson]

I just looked at the title, and I already knew I needed to watch this video.

[DrJG]

Important distinction, being good vs being seen by others as good.

True 4:45 - 5:50.

[charm]

I just got called out by a person who I believe cares for me for being mean. It made me cry but he lead to this video and I couldn't be more grateful.