Standing up to a narcissist with power over you (AITA)

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.

THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[abracadaverous]

This reminds me of the time my boss asked me to come in and work (in the mailroom) on the afternoon of my own wedding day. And I, raised by a narcissist, said, "...maybe I could come in for half a day?" before one of my coworkers stopped me and pointed out that was ridiculous.

[theedgeofoblivious]

Mom's a narcissist, too. People abused by narcissists are primed to be abused by other narcissists.

[katarina]

I'm so f-ing TIRED of the legacy of narcissistic abuse. It seeps into EVERYTHING in my life. Every situation I find new ways I'm broken. I feel like I'm drowning. Can't even take a break because of the rumination. It's like there's no escape from myself. I'm so MAD (which I wasn't even allowed to be growing up so that's a "fun" conflict there). When will it end with these people?! Bloody vampires and tantrumy children.

[Dreeowuwue]

I like your analysis about the mother's behavior. Being raised with someone who invalidate your feelings and teaches you that other's needs/feelings are more important than yours. It's what make you stuck in narcissistic relationship in adulthood and make you doubt yourself in a such black and white situation.

[art_nouvelle]

It once again makes me think that the best way to identify a narcissist is by saying no to something they demand. The antagonism really shines when they can't have their way. It doesn't matter how ridiculous their expectations and demands are. All of us have to make it our life's mission to fulfill their demands, or all hell breaks loose.

[AnupmaJ]

This story resonates with my life on so many levels, both at personal and professional level. My mother and former boss, both were narcissists.
Narcissists are insecure about their self worth. Deep down they know that they are unethical, immoral and evil. They don't feel good about themselves because feeling good comes from the place of being good from the heart. Therefore, they have a low self-esteem which results in a highly inflated ego.
In order to feed their big egos, they put the other person in a difficult position where the other person is forced to prioritize the narcissist's whims over their own needs. Narcissists derive a sense of empowerment in making the other person feel disempowered, uncomfortable, in pain and resentment and upset at narc's whim and fancy.
Now, this is where it gets intresting.. Narcissists never feel truly happy or fulfilled. They make the other person's life a living nightmare in order to feel empowered and happy but can't seem to find it. It's like someone lost in the desert searching for an oasis, comes across a mirage and puts sand in their mouth to quench their thirst but then realize they are as thirsty as before. Being evil is a hell of its own kind.
The source of true happiness is being good to yourself and others. It's as simple as that but narcissists simply don't get it.
A happy relationship cannot be built with someone who is eternally unhappy. When you discover that you are in a personal or professional relationship with a narcissist, you need to sacrifice the connection because investing in this connection is like sowing good seeds of karma into barren soil. There will never be a good reward or outcome and all of your investment of time, energy and effort will be a waste. Cut your losses and move on with the wisdom and discernment to choose better partners to build with next time.

[masquarra]

The true question is why is the boss mum not attempting to sacrifice and watch her own children for once? She had 7 months to get her affairs in order. What mum threatens another to avoid their own children.

[scandalfrb]

I feel for this letter writer. I'm a preschool teacher, and it is so hard to leave the kids even if the job itself is awful.

[quoteme.goddess]

Thank you. I'm a traveling, private chef, and word of mouth is very important. Protection against lies is minimal.

[tracydanneo]

No, the boss is just abusing the nanny. It’s clearly a game for the narcissistic boss.

[PenninkJacob]

I just realized Entitlement is the opposite of Empathy!!! Thank you so much for that (that is how they are connected)

[t.l.]

This happens in every industry. And has happened too me at almost every job. Never missed a workday, worked weekends, covered shifts for countless employees, missed every funeral, graduations, etc., bogus write- ups, termination threats, & when let go on my last national company, my narc boss put "non- hireable in the system, so that I couldn't transfer or relocate to a different office.

[pault]

I feel bad for those kids who are stuck with that narcissistic mother. The nanny was probably the only break from insanity the kids got from their mom. Narcissistic bosses will ruin your future chance to reference even if some people at the job loved you. I've learned that many in the work force, though not narcissistic themselves, are full on enablers. This is why when you go for interviews, you also have to interview them.

[evelynmcnamara]

I would love a follow up with the Nanny, I wish her the best of luck.

[fruhlingsfrisch]

Could you do a video on narcissistic medical doctors, please? So many of us suffer because of them. Thank you.🌸🍀

[banerjees]

When you know what narcissism is and everything about that then narcissists are destroyed by your serenity.

[darrenlawson]

I've been my older brother's scapegoat our entire childhood with intense and consistent physical, mental, and emotional abuse. When he lost that power he smear campaigned against my little sister and me for years to his wife and even my fiance (now married). Recently he used his activated empathy to manipulate my enabling mother (who wants me to have a relationship with him) to sell her home and give him the money to build his mini-mansion. At 34 with my wife's patient love, I'm finally seeing my brother's grandiose narcissism (through painful triggering contact) and am checking every box to make sure I know what to do next. Currently in the process of grieving and trying to remove myself from all of it. Even considering asking my mother to remove me from her will so that I can further avoid future heartache. I hear of some figuring this stuff out at the age of 60+ and I am thankful for these videos at 34 to see things for what they are and not continue playing my painful role.

[lucyt-c]

Sounds like a wonderful, sensible, kind young woman who has very good boundaries. She is NOT the asshat, her boss and her mom( nanny ‘s mom) are the asshats .She did everything right .

[StillAwakeAwareDiscerning]

The boss didn't become over this event, (unless this was the first time the boss heard "no"). She had been that all along. Even though nanny loves the kids, working for this women was never going to go well, and in the end it is time to leave. The writer said that she and her mother did not have a good relationship. The mother telling her to not go to the wedding, is really about the mother not wanting this daughter to attend. Mom is probably a narcissist/disordered. I hope she went to the wedding!

[mimisivils]

This makes me think of a time when my manager called me into the office to ask me why I wanted a certain weekend off. I told her, “respectfully it shouldn’t matter to you. You just need to know I’m not going to be here.” She said, “well a lot of people ask for the weekend off to watch football and get drunk.” I told her, “you know me! I don’t get drunk, I don’t watch football and I rarely ask for time off. I’m also one of the only ones saying yes to extra shifts and working my butt off for the company.” “She said, “Really? Do I know you? Why do you want this time off” That’s when I said again, “that’s none of your business, just know I’m not going to be here those days.” She turned her chair around and mumbled under her breath and I walked out to continue my shift. It felt like such a triumph! I am a nice person, very obliging and I rarely tell someone no. So it’s not like I was being a bad employee. I knew that she often took advantage of people and I could never figure out whether she liked me or hated me. Looking back now, I can see she was a narcissist. Back then, I had no idea what a narcissist was.